Thinking about how one of the front desk workers in our building knows we order a bunch of cards. We got a package last night and he said “oh it’s small, I bet it’s cards.” Like damn even the building staff know we are card game degenerates

Sorry coworker, I’m wearing my “Dog Grandma” shirt, this is a camera off meeting

I will die for you, A 4-Hour Long Video Essay on A Theme Park.

Happened to see the snowy owls on a walk yesterday and they are so cute

a few of my favorite snowy owl shots from yesterday in Chicago #birds 🪶

I love mimicking my cats meows

My girlfriend is so mean she is elo farming me on chess.com

Every year I tell myself I’ll start on crocheting Christmas gifts early for people so I don’t get crunched at the holidays and now it’s the end November and I still have to make a vest, a blanket, two hats, a coaster, and five mug cozies…

I like sage because it means I finally have an excuse to play with the marvel young heroes I pulled. Gotta show up to armory in style

Parents met at a bar and exchanged numbers. Dad called mom when she was doing laundry and didn’t like her attitude so trashed the number. They were at same bar again later, she asked what happened, he said he lost the number and she said that’s BS. Engaged 3 months later, married a year later

would oldhim post on r/bald?

i want there to be trans people in flesh and blood but they’d probably be called something like pronouna or oldhim or whatever

Remember to leave out milk and cookies for oldhim this year when he delivers your presents

In our household we love to say “let’s parallel play” or “I want to chill alone” and then all end up in the same room anyways doing our own thing. Yes, this includes the cat too

#fabtcg Compendium of Rathe won't be available at Scholastic Book Fairs.

Looking for a scrap alt art card and it’s just my cat sitting under the table while we are eating waiting for crumbs to fall

Watching #FABPhilly while sorting our fab cards!

never kill yourself!

every time a woman wins at a card game it’s a win for me

An oomfie of an oomfie is an oomfie of mine

Oops! Local overachiever office worker committed to too many projects this week and realizes tomorrow is Friday

One of my main goals in life is to make my girlfriend laugh and if that means filming a subway surfer video while narrating a text I’m sending her so be it

Couple who opens their marriage because then they have to actually clean their bedroom, not just the parts of the house that visitors see

Working with millennials is great what do you mean I can say my coffee machine is not functional and they’ll cut the meeting short so I can have time back to run out and get coffee

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage

New: The Supreme Court DENIES Kim Davis' request to overturn Obergefell, the marriage equality decision. No noted dissents. www.supremecourt.gov/orders/court...

Call my girlfriend a Democrat senator the way she folds immediately

Did a cooking class yesterday :) made a salad, scalloped potatoes, mushroom chicken, and a pear gingerbread upside down cake. All amazing and delicious

Gf bought our cat a new toy and he literally only plays with it when she’s not around. If she walks in the room or he hears her moving he will stop playing with it. Insane spite game

I hate lesbians what do you mean you’re coloring and drawing on an Aldi paper bag to repurpose it as a birthday gift bag

YALL GOTTA COMPLIMENT YOUR FRIENDS MORE OR LIKE AT ALL EVER COMPLIMENT THEM PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU GO TELL YOUR HOMIES THEYRE COOL DO IT RIGHT NOW ALSO SAY THEY'RE A REAL ONE AND YOU APPRECIATE THEM A LOT DO IT NOW YOU COWARDS 😤

how your email finds me:

Women used to send their partners to war and wish for them to come home safe, now we just send them to a tech job that overworks them and wish for them to come home

would you look at the time! yearn yearn ^ yearn yearn | yearn yearn ⊙----> yearn yearn yearn yearn yearn yearn

Sorry I’m doing a girlfriend appreciation post because she is amazing, sweet, hilarious, adventurous, adorable, and the best person ever. Hope that’s okay

Oops! All Chicago

is your ADHD tech worker girlfriend only aware of federal holidays in 2-3 week increments? if so you may be entitled to financial compensation

I hope Democrats unveil their new “TRANSGENDER FOR EVERYONE” policy tomorrow. America is ready.

congrats on the surgery america

There’s something so enjoyable and satisfying about stomping around in heeled boots idk

Someone should invent a printer that doesn’t suck. In every office I’ve ever worked in their printer just sucks and my home printers have always been awful

I’m so housewife coded these days the way I’m at home 90% of the time and run the household like the marines

Happy Halloween! 🐈‍⬛🧡 [ #cuteart #halloween ]

all I need in the world

It’s hunting season 🦌 🏹 Happy Halloween! We’ve celebrated by attending a Halloween party last weekend and a gala at a museum last night. Also, someone at the gala last night was drawing people and did the cutest sketch of us

You’ve heard of house flippers now I present silent auction flippers. You get a fancy item and then go around and sell it for more