(me after seeing Disney’s Hall of Presidents exhibit) Well well well if it isnt the Blowjob Brothers

I broke the cap on a fancy mustard so now I just have to live with that for the next twelve to eighteen months

We bought this like two years ago just to do Konami code on it

Either we slipped into another dimension or chat is gaslamping me, because it's definitely always been the other way around

I started singing "I Think You Were in My Profile Picture Once" to myself when I work on my Waltz Eight, and it genuinely made the timing way easier

Autistic parent hell: classmate birthday party invite explicitly says "no gifts", but another part mentions loading gifts into the hayride wagon

there should be a button where if enough of your mutuals press it you have to stop posting and go to bed

Re-reading Kill Reviews is always correct

I'm reading The Screwtape Letters and honestly same

One Overton window movement that genuinely bothers me is using "fetus" as though it's the scientific alternative to "baby", when the majority of abortions (and miscarriages) occur at the embryo stage, not the fetus stage

Besides this being good analysis, I also kind of don’t understand people missing being 12. I hated being a kid! I had no autonomy, I was bad at most things, and I knew that, which made it even worse! There are studies showing people get happier as they age? But this isn’t the story we tell

this is how you get outbreaks of Mad Oreo Disease

"You get seven intro steps for this, so that's 1-2-3-4-5, and the crossover is 6-7. ...I can't believe I just said the number." People who work with kids aren't okay

Every time I come around the corner doing my crossover and someone is in the way of my pattern, I feel like Tonya in this picture

The most "you cannot predict the next sentence" early life section of a Wikipedia page en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiowa_G...

Friendly reminder that dishwashers made after 1995 or so are so water and energy efficient that even if you ran them twice fully loaded it would still use less water than handwashing the same load. So many "green" things feel like sacrifices. Dishwashers are not one of them.

IT'S '6-7', COOPER. A GENERATION ALPHA TREND. WHAT THEY CALL A 'MAY-MAY'. IT'S AN ORPHANED SIGNIFIER, NO SIGNS ATTACHED. ONE COULD CALL IT DADAIST, BUT SOMME SAY IT'S TOO STUPID TO BE DADA. IT'S ANTI-MEANING, ANTI-HUMOUR, BUT DAMN IF THOSE KIDS DON'T FIND IT A CRACK-UP.

Couple who opens their marriage because then they have to actually clean their bedroom, not just the parts of the house that visitors see

I've decided to start doing this with everything. The Crunge? That's a slip jig.

nightmare date: you go for drinks with a beautiful, charming, kind woman who checks off all of the boxes for what you're looking for in a romantic partner except for the fact that she speaks in the cadence that Russell Crowe uses in Les Misérables (2012)

It's so funny when you need two doctor's offices to communicate and they're like "yeah our only choice is to fax each other, like we're Abraham Lincoln and a samurai"

"Why do people make things so hard on themselves?" says woman who drives stick, uses OB tampons, and plays Death and Taxes

I wasn't going to listen to a three hour podcast that's a part 1, until they called it "lore".

You know what they say in poker: when you have a winning hand it's best to fold.

Too many people have resigned themselves to not reading because they fear they no longer have the focus for it. You only need to limit your screen time for a few days to begin feeling the effects on your brain. I promise you, you are capable of reading books again.

Based on the weather here now and the radar backtrack, I'm pretty sure that there were dramatic flashes of lightning and loud booms of thunder during the vote, to really underscore how villainous it was

Making fun of him for working all the time turned dark real quick now that he's about to lose his healthcare

One thing I’ll say about sports relative to politics is that sports fans do NOT put up with incompetence from their teams, even in bursts. If Schumer was a pro sports coach there’d be riots demanding his firing

Mamdami is gonna implement Shahrafect law. Creatures will deal damage to you in the form of subgames.

Why did I make this

This is early by skating standards. But it's still fucking 7:30 on a Sunday.

ALAB is such a good joke. @kayfabegamergirl.bsky.social really do be one of the funniest people on the Internet

I made a “how do you do, fellow kids?” joke to someone in their mid 20s who, it turns out, was too young to have heard of that meme. So “how do you do, fellow kids?” is now an example of “how do you do, fellow kids?”

they’ve devised a plan to make me want to boycott it even more

My knees and hips are both dying today and I have no idea if it's from the Waltz jumps and swing rolls, or the walking in bad shoes alternated with sitting in bar stools

I am So Tired, but going four places in one night did kinda make me feel young

When you're so sober you go barhopping for cheese

Tiny clementine (Yorion for scale because our bananas are also oddly small)

The Starbucks glass bear cup release is very suspiciously timed with the imminent strike

If there's one thing a Magic player loves more than starting a hate mob over every minute grievance, it's prop bets.

SPOTIFY GIVE IT TO ME

Having an unfinished Adderall prescription is a lot like having Magic cards in that it's way more trouble than it's worth to get the cash value, but you also can't just get rid of them

SafeSport trained adults will really look at a blatant case of a coach bullying an athlete and say "I don't know, have you tried talking to rink management first?"

Descriptivism leaving my body when someone says "should of"

Joking about libbing out is fun and all, but I actually think it's okay to be excited about the election of someone who cares about trans rights and the lives of Palestinians

I didn't get any sleep last night and I'm crashing can they please call it for Mamdani already

This is a “double check it’s not a parody account” situation

He's literally not a bear, though. He's a 4/4.