Divine Comedy:Lady of a Certain Age TSwift:August Gaga:How Bad Do U Want Me Laura Marling:Caroline Joni Mitchell:Case of You CMAT:Lord, Let That Tesla Crash Beatles:I’ve Just Seen A Face Dolly Parton:Coat of Many Colours Johnny Cash:Sunday Morning Coming Down Gladys Knight:Midnight Train

Post your warning sign

The definitive, correct opinions on voice notes: 1) don’t send a VN for something you could type in few words. If your VN is under 60 seconds, you could type it 2) VNs are strictly for long anecdotes, gossip, jokes and stories. If you don’t like getting these from friends, why are you even friends?

Now I love rosé wine and Take That as much as - if not significantly more than - your average middle aged English suburban mother of two. But I have no idea why this product exists or who would buy it

Hot take into the void: "ultra-processed food" is basically the antivaxx conspiracy theory for people who think they're far too well informed to get hooked into anything like antivaxx.

Ironically Bryan Johnson is in the top 1% of all cunts.

Adding this to my Hinge profile immediately

Reminder that there is no scientific definition for "ultra-processed food", and no theory for the mechanism by which it is supposedly uniquely harmful.

My lovely 7 year old son is running a mile for the NSPCC (to help kids having a sad time) this Sunday. I’ve, er, left it rather late to fundraise & obvs as a result need to drum up support. Obvs don’t want to put him on public social media so if you fancy donating DM me & I’ll send you the link!

Every single fucking time there’s an antisemitic attack people immediately jump in with this bullshit. Fuck all the way off.

I was going to say “name a better song than this”, but you can’t, so instead I’ll say “name some more songs that will make me feel exactly the way this one makes me feel please”

7 year old has just discovered she can iMessage me from the iPad. (Context: I said she couldn’t have any crisps before dinner)

I was going to say “name a better song than this”, but you can’t, so instead I’ll say “name some more songs that will make me feel exactly the way this one makes me feel please”

LOVE this. Once I was walking in the Phoenix Park with a visiting college friend. A passing jogger tutted in disapproval and said, as only a Dub can, ‘Ah here, would you ever hold her hand.’ We laughed but he took my hand. Some shenanigans ensued; our 20th wedding anniversary is in September.

I am absolutely shite at recognising when someone is flirting with me. Like, comically bad at it. My mates would mock me about it. But something happened today that made me so happy. 1/?

People, perhaps Parkrun themselves, will argue it's non competitive. But there's no such thing as a non competitive leader board. So either they stop recording times, or they segregate leader boards by sex. Anything else would be unfair.

Watching gender critical feminists on Twitter get mad with JK Rowling for using she/her pronouns to refer to a trans woman. Just constitutionally incapable of taking the win, they now have to turn on one of the most significant contributors to the movement. Incredible scenes.

As always with TRA arguments: resources are trivial and unimportant when women want them, but when trans identified men want them, it’s a matter of life or death

How come one day I look in the mirror and there are no chin hairs and the next day I look in the same mirror and there are like eight and they’re all about a centimetre long

QTWTAI “fucking obviously yes, Jesus fucking Christ”

Pondering which is the last circle of hell - Platform 14 of Manchester Piccadilly station, or Terminal 3 of Manchester Airport

"Must've kept 10,000 beers cold"

Checking three different weather apps for the forecast for my forthcoming holiday and choosing to believe the most optimistic one

Hosting my first ever sleepover tonight. Seven 9 year olds. Shall we run a book on what time I’ll be driving the first one home? How soon someone starts crying? What time the last one shuts the fuck up and goes to sleep?

If you see this, post a picture of someone who is all mouth and no trousers

If you see this, post a picture of someone who is all mouth and no trousers

This thread has reminded me that some friends and I used to refer to a particularly vapid poststructuralist academic in our department as “all Foucault and no knickers”

it’s true that overall likes are way down on bluesky over the past year. however, if you look closely at the data, that’s mostly an anomaly resulting from the fact that your posts specifically have gotten worse and are dragging the vibe down.

Thing my 7 year old just said: “Jesus had followers? Did they have WiFi back then?”

Borrowed my favourite cat for the weekend, isn’t she excellent

April Fools’ Day was always annoying as hell, but in the AI era it’s completely fucking insufferable. And because social media platforms long ago abandoned the idea of a chronological feed, this painfully unfunny shit will go on for days

Ok but this is presumably an unusual enough scenario that he’ll recognise himself from this post

Just took 7yo to her first ever dance competition and…that whole scene is just a massive scam, right? A grift industry designed to fleece parents, while insane women plaster their tiny children with makeup and then award medals to their own kids. Never, ever doing that again

If you see this post a concert photo you took.

Tell me you don’t ever speak to normal people with mainstream opinions without telling me etc

If you’re watching Last One Laughing on Amazon, my tip for actually finding it funny is to join in with the premise and try not to laugh. It makes it significantly funnier

This is both a) obviously completely correct and b) backwards. People who use Israel to excuse or celebrate torching ambulances haven't "caught" racism like a passing cold. They're racists for whom this is a convenient inflection point to express their racism without social sanction.

If I happen to glance at the clock and it's 5.35/5.36 ish in the afternoon my brain still shouts 'Neighbours time' inside. I'm 44 years old.

A lukewarm take in response to an equally lukewarm take I’ve just read: just because you personally didn’t enjoy a piece of art, doesn’t mean it has no artistic merit! Maybe it’s just not for you, and that’s ok!

Walked past a couple holding hands. Woman wearing a t shirt saying “You Are Enough”. Man wearing a t shirt saying “Boys Get Sad Too”. What the hell is going on in that house

‘hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it’

School PTA does a fundraising event which gives mothers the admin job of going on to ParentPay and buying ourselves a Mother's Day present from our child. Mothers are also invited to give up our free time to come into school and help the children wrap them. Happy Mother's Day, mothers!

Fantastic interview. Everyone should read it:

Andrew is eighth in line to the throne, but that’s prison toilets for you!

Oh, the grand old duke of york He ██████████████████ He ██████████████████ And he ██████████████████

Prisoner cell block HRH.

Remember, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor won't see your jokey tweets. But your friends implicated in serious misconduct in public office while embroiled in an international paedophile ring among the global elites might.

The former Prince Andrew, now officially known as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor-who-has-repeatedly-denied-any-wrongdoing

'Being detained at your brother's pleasure' will never not be funny