I died laughing

💀💀💀 The dark joy this brought me

I fear I may have ate

Here’s a little ~ahem~ suggestion for all of you

I can’t join ICE because I graduated high school

Still got a fat ass. Happy 2026

Okay go with me on this one: you know those “and with that the 2025 season comes to a close” videos where everyone is living their best life? That, but a “Titanic theme played on the recorder” version of everyone failing hardcore this past year. I’d willingly watch that.

Can y’all believe this body is classified as overweight BMI? I can, yes. The scale is telling me so 😖

they say that if you're happy when a bad person dies then you're just as bad as the bad person. they say other stupid shit too but that's one of them.

D*** Ch***y slipped from our mortal coil this morning

hello darkness my old friend you come to me at 4 pm this extra hour I lay in thought sinking further into bed rot the trees are bare the Sundays scare and Mariah Careys voice begins to blare 🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰

It’s a special kind of gay to be singing Born This Way in the gym doing core work wearing short shorts 🏳️‍🌈

And on this day, Mariah Carey rose from the grave and saved us from our sins.

Take a screenshot and see what comes… Yikes 😬

People who say “whenever” when they mean “when” - is that a southern thing? A Texas thing? 🤔

Happy coming out day! And for anyone on that journey, there’s a lot of us ready to welcome you with open arms!

*in a TS Madison voice* AND HOW CAN THIS BE? FOR HE IS THE KWISATZ HADERACH!

If you see this, share a pic from your device with no explanation…

Uh oh, something happened and everyone’s mad. Someone spill the tea?

Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt https://theonion.com/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coffee-1819574012/

It’s October 1st

If you didn’t take a selfie in the bathroom, did you actually ✈️

First time making the family sauce recipe 😍

We’re gonna have to start the conversation on this baking king and that slutty pushed back hair

“Think back to your childhood. Do you remember when the anxiety started?”

I saw Kendrick Lamar wearing flair jeans so I bought flair jeans

🤞🏿

Teen Unaware He Locked In Heated Ongoing Competition With Parents' Friends' Son https://theonion.com/teen-unaware-he-locked-in-heated-ongoing-competition-wi-1819573828/

Gavin Newsom responds to Fox's OBSESSION with him

JAMES DOBSON SPENT DECADES ATTACKING LGBTQ+ PEOPLE. HIS DEATH WILL NOT DIMINISH OUR JOY. QUEER AND TRANS FOLKS WILL SHINE LONG AFTER BIGOTS LIKE HIM ARE GONE. OUR LOVE IS STRONGER THAN THEIR HATE. STAY PROUD AND STAY FIERCE 🌈⚧️

“James Dobson ***** is God’s righteous punishment for America being taken over by Christian nationalism” Am I the first to say it?!

My laptop really calling me a ***

Study: Elephants Only Other Species Capable Of Leveraging Synergies In Brand Portfolio theonion.com/study-e...

I don’t know, was feeling kinda cute 🤷‍♂️

Timothee Chalamet is bringing us the latest version of the slutty little glasses in the movie Marty Supreme and I am here for it!

Sung to the tune of Alice Cooper’s Schools Out for Summer “School’s back in session!” - me to my husband as he’s leaving for the first day with students

😄

“Remember, there’s nothing more sacred to an educator than his second day of his 14th year” - me to my husband as he rolls his eyes and leaves for school

Furthest I've been from home: N: St. Petersburg Russia E: Moscow Russia S: Cancun Mexico W: Waimea, HI

Catastrophizing Protein Bar

It’s been a week since I got home from vacation, so I think now’s the time for me to post a pic FROM vacation to make you think I live an endless vacation life to chase clout and saying “take me back 😭”

Anyone know if there’s a Horse Meat Disco in Chicago?

this is me when i scroll bluesky I have full body chills!

The four horsemen coming for all your CEOs

Y’all I’m on the struggle bus back to work this morning! Can’t let go won’t let go!

Live. Laugh.