celebrating my unbirthday because nonsense is healthy

being clever isn’t enough

I don’t want to fix the world but I do want to listen to you

hipsters: “bro, that is lowkey amazing, bro.” me: *gets caveman club*

be kind to yourself, ya dummy

exercise is the foundation to the house

grown ass man acting emotionally overwhelmed by cilantro while holding a neon blue energy drink

want.season.6

I hope my spiritual journey involves twirling a baton

"I wore a 15 pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn't enough."

learning feng shui to blame the furniture for my issues

Listening to Hole and making cappuccinos. I assume I’m dead at this point.

cortado addiction

RICK RUBIN on why Hollywood keeps making soulless movies: "So many big movies are just not good because they're being made by people trying to make something they think someone else is going to like. That's not how art works. That's commerce."

fuck

a hot and cold dinner is a masterpiece

dodged a bullet and felt bad, i don’t make the rules

doing nothing is self care

yea, coleslaw dressing tastes good because it’s wet sugar

The best thing about 70s TV is you’d get the hardest looking heavy saying stuff like “don’t give me that gobble gobble, turkey.”

Watching Paint Dry > Watching NBA

Bambi (1942) > NBA (2026)

I began to be sensible of strange feelings. I felt a melting in me.

why so serious o’clock

no, acting oblivious doesn’t erase what you did or the consequences

*gives 50% of my brain the rest of the day off*

i don’t mind boredom it just doesn’t visit that much anymore

Unless your body is in his trunk, he’s not that into you.

bank: I’m going to charge you a fee because you don’t have any money

The word ‘comfortable’ has three syllables.

so, your hellscape or mine?

survival of the greediest

inside a sea of fog where there’s no space and just a lot of time

We grew up so poor we could only see Le Miserable. It was just one miserable up there, wavin' a flag and singin' and firin' a cannon and whatnot.

“what planet is this?” -me after drinking too much coffee

“Hello Mary Lou, Goodbye Heart”

Dostoevsky had no idea his words would be read at 35,000 feet, going 600 mph

your top ten horror movies aren’t horrifying, they’re kitschy

An endless parade of what the fucks…

Man, I love me an Isaac Hayes Rockford Files.

predictability in a work of art is a crime

leave some indulgence for later

the work it takes to fall asleep

you can’t escape the jungle, even in a gated community

for bad news keep scrolling for good news keep scrolling

And that, kids, is why you should always scratch the surface.

hmmm is it normal to disassociate during sex?