License and registration and papers please

Do a flip

who wants to take accountability for my actions

Ernie Johnson with an emotional sign-off from 'Inside the NBA' on TNT. 🏀📺🎙️❤️ #NBA

Getting a nosebleed on zoom as a bit

i was not familiar with your game ken jennings

It's May 27th, 2020. HBO debuts their new streaming service as HBO Max. It's May 23rd, 2023. HBO Max changes its title to Max. It's May 14th, 2025. HBO debuts their new streaming service as HBO Max. I'm tired of streaming services. These apps. I am tired of being caught in the struggle of theirlives

I’m just a boy vampire standing outside your a girls house wondering if I can come in

He’s getting hair plugs on the American tax payers

[Ron Howard narrating] “It was”

Nigga I’m from Coruscant

I posted this on Instagram and my mentions are filled with nazis, klan members and magats till this day

Pete Davidson then… Steve Carell and John Krasinski then… Matt Damon and David Beckham Back to Back to Back commercials with celebrities We are living in the* golden* age* of* corporate* sponsorship* a recession*^

Andor is so fucking good

…and water is wet

A public service announcement

I’ve seen this before just wait three days

Harper giving off strong emperor Palpatine vibes

please do not laugh.. im an expert on polar bears, they only do this when they are distressed

Those Salesforce ads with Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey are some of the best pro AI sketches I’m laughing and mad how do they do it

I hope my use of made up words doesn't make you discomfortable

ME: time to sleep BRAIN: a tutu should be called a four ME: oh god not this again BRAIN: or maybe a twenty two

Announcement: Answer for It! THE PODCAST. First episode coming April 15th! You can subscribe right now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts~

You hear that macamré you slippery fuck

Live Mas, Laugh Mas, Love Mas

always seeking out a better root beer because i'm sarsspirational

When discussing protein powder almost said the words “tummy ache” inside a Popeye’s supplement store

Wrote this dumb lil thing

JuJu Watkins takes home 2025 Naismith Women’s College Player of the Year honors. Her other awards this season: 🏆 2025 Big Ten Player of the Year 🏆 Unanimous first-team All-American 🏆 First-team All-Big Ten 🏆 Big Ten All-Defensive team

The Severance Podcast

Spending $25 million of my own money to accidentally make even more people hate me and vote against my dogshit ideas

Such a nice day, I think I’ll have depression outside

There are far too many celebrity beverages, not enough celebrity breakfast cereals

Use thunderbolt

People like this are overrepresented in government

Oh man music changes a bit around 2001 be warned

Magmar exists

I think my biggest depressive episode due to social media was that trend where people (young people especially) didn’t know how mirrors worked Like I know your schools are being defunded but did nothing generationally follow Magic School Bus or William Nye?

i’m losing it

Star BYU Player Suspended After Testing Positive For Coffee theonion.com/star-by...

I don’t appreciate your Charlie Villanueva jokes

The final season of White Lotus should be White Lotus: Head Office *cue haunting vocal hymn theme song*

I was accidentally added to that group chat too but you don’t see me writing an article for the Atlantic about it

JUJU NOOOOOOOO

yeah they're called cybertrucks

I’m 6’2 without shoes but I say 6’3 on stage in case there are any NBA scouts in the audience #BallisLife #BallisWife #BallStreet2BallNeverSleeps