Papazilla667
@scottzilla667.bsky.social
📤 776
📥 158
📝 71
pinned post!
Her: I bought a wireless bra today. Him: What's the password?
about 1 year ago
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
4 months ago
There's an a in 'deaf' but you can't hear it.
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Papazilla667
Swim Jeans 👖
4 months ago
When I find myself in times of trouble bob the grocer comes to me speaking words of wisdom ᴬᴵˢᴸᴱ ᵀᴴᴿᴱᴱ
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Papazilla667
THE Burger King
4 months ago
"I have a problem with potion control." -fat wizard
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
4 months ago
GIRLFRIEND: So tell me something I don't already know about you. ME: During October I call my Dyson 'Count Vacula' HER: I need to see other people.
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Ygrene
4 months ago
BREAKING: donald trump has died by quicksand. it got all in his hair and everything
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Papazilla667
Swim Jeans 👖
4 months ago
*googles “beginner butt plugs” on your work computer*
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Papazilla667
Shitposts In Tiaras
6 months ago
A euphemist? 🏆👑 Congratulations
@scottzilla667.bsky.social
from
@jollyrobber.bsky.social
🏴☠️
add a skeleton here at some point
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 months ago
[trying to open a packet of hotdogs but I can't because I refuse to slow down on my run]
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inkedupandsonic
9 months ago
[Clown School] Teacher: Oh very well done..That nose..Those shoes..The suit..Hilarious Me: i just came to pick up my son
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Papazilla667
inkedupandsonic
9 months ago
tai chi is short for taiwanese chicken
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Papazilla667
Swim Jeans 👖
9 months ago
Do NOT practice your sweet yet overly-difficult broadsword moves near a playground. Kids are shit at triage
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 months ago
Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers my pharmily.
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Papazilla667
9 months ago
after that ship’s botched launch, Kim Jong Un gave the crew a stern warning . trying to maintain an even keel, he then took a bow please don’t unfollow me i have a family😭
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THE Burger King
9 months ago
Me: You kids don't know how easy you've got it. When I was your age, we had to flip through drawers of cards to find out if the library even had the book we were looking for, regardless of whether it was checked out. Random kid at the pool: What's a book?
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Papazilla667
10 months ago
[1513 BC] kid: I don’t have to follow your stupid rules. it’s not like they’re written in stone Moses: what
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Papazilla667
10 months ago
who dis ?
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Papazilla667
inkedupandsonic
9 months ago
[hearing police sirens in the distance] omg babe they're playing our song
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Papazilla667
Ygrene
9 months ago
fool me once, that is IT. i have a zero tolerance fool policy you son of a bitch
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Papazilla667
Kalvin the Reindeer
9 months ago
DETECTIVE: we need to figure out who committed this murder DEFLECTIVE: I think you did it
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Papazilla667
Swim Jeans 👖
9 months ago
[after a truck with a “do not follow” sign pulls in front of me] OH NO
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Papazilla667
THE Burger King
9 months ago
Wanking Beauty
add a skeleton here at some point
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Papazilla667
THE Burger King
9 months ago
The Little Wankmaid
add a skeleton here at some point
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 months ago
[whenever I see two otters] I wonder if they're brotters
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Papazilla667
9 months ago
i once got lost between Alaska & Russia cuz i couldn’t get my berings straight . folks,,
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 months ago
Taze me once, shame on you; taze me twice, I've snuck back into the zoo
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Papazilla667
inkedupandsonic
9 months ago
if i'm in the mood for some jazz i just throw an orchestra down the stairs
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 months ago
Why did they call it bacon fat and not oinkment omg I'm so sorry
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Papazilla667
11 months ago
is it bc you have to pee, it’s bc you have to pee isn’t it
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Her: You're sure to get awards for Most Ostentatious Costume and Most Adorned Costume. Him: I seek wins with this sequence of sequins!
9 months ago
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Ygrene
9 months ago
everyone's fighting a battle at Battle Barn™, the barn for fighting battles in [seven second montage of battles in a barn and the music is actually pretty cool] whatever your battle, Battle Barn™
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
10 months ago
WIFE: This summer I'm banning you from wearing those shorts with pockets. ME: *barely audible* embargo pants HER: Get out
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Papazilla667
9 months ago
Van
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
9 months ago
Why did they call it a sleep score and not a slumber number
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After you sneeze, Devil worshippers be like, "Possess you."
10 months ago
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Papazilla667
Brosephine Wires
10 months ago
I remember when I was a little kid, “fuck” was the worst thing you could say. Now it’s the most sensible response to everything.
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Papazilla667
Stevevsninjas
10 months ago
Hoping the sexy IRS will penalize me
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Papazilla667
10 months ago
it’s crazy that ‘normal’ is a portmanteau of norm (from cheers) & al (from the al bundy show) i haven’t slept in 9 yrs😩
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Ygrene
10 months ago
person: so what motivates you to keep going every day me: (zero hesitation) have you ever met a cat or a dog
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Papazilla667
10 months ago
one time i was sad & my dog was like “aw don’t be sad” & my cat was like “……….“ bc cats can’t talk, you fucken idiots
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Papazilla667
THE Burger King
10 months ago
He Said, She Seder
#PassoverMovies
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THE Burger King
10 months ago
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Afikomen
#PassoverMovies
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THE Burger King
10 months ago
Leaven Las Vegas
#PassoverMovies
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Papazilla667
10 months ago
ugh my posts are shit 𝕊ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℂ𝔸ℝ𝔼
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THE Burger King
10 months ago
The Men Who Stare at One Little Goat
#PassoverMovies
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THE Burger King
10 months ago
Mission Impossible: Four Cups of Wine
#PassoverMovies
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
10 months ago
My karate instructor had surgery after a heart attack recently so I called him 'my stentsei' lol and then he nunchucked me half to death.
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Papazilla667
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
10 months ago
An animated Dracula movie, call it Nosferatoon
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Papazilla667
Ygrene
almost 2 years ago
me: *stuffing a ham into my pillow* wife: what are you doing me: it’s in case someone tries to stuff a ham into my pillow, they’ll be like “oh i already got this guy”
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Her: Trim your beard! Him: You'd rather I have a bear?
10 months ago
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