Defeated Leigh Wambsganss, conservative Republican. No known relation to fictional Tom Wambsgans, except politically. (And I thought our writers had made up that name😂) #Succession Congratulations, #TaylorRehmet

kids, daddy's taking you to visit his pedophile friend in the virgin islands -- hey, you all are still virgins, right? that was supposed to be a joke anyhoo don't worry about a thing. daddy already told him your exact ages and it's fine

as i mentioned i’m making a video everyday until i forget. so today felt like a good day to start sharing them on BlueSky this video is entitled “bulge” #RIPCatherineOHara #BestInShow

Them: friday afternoon! quittin’ time! Me: but I have so much more work to do Them: wtf wdym dont try to be a hero you're making us look bad Me: But Them: u had all week to work. time to partay

just got rickrolled by this

welp. cat used the lower level of the multilevel cat scratcher house for exactly what i predicted she would use it for. i get it though. you kind of expect a home to have a toilet.

Another season of Ab Fab would heal the world I think

The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting.

heck, once a bunch of friends and i were playing around with toy guns, somebody who glimpsed us and thought the guns were real called the cops, and they drove up sirens blazing, jumped out of their cars and threatened to shoot us

“This is due to an operational problem”

speaking of old men with visible bruises, iirc mitch mcconnell clearly lost his mind and his juice as more and more bruises appeared in photos of him, but YEARS later he's STILL in office the duke of edinburgh, otoh, croaked pretty quickly after his visible bruises showed up everywhere

I would like to propose what I modestly call the “Halloran Corollary” to this post: Live your life with niche enough crank opinions that you are incapable—through pure irrelevance—of becoming the main character on the internet.

Is this going to end “resort fees” at NYC hotels that lack true resort amenities (basically, all of them) bc that is an incredible scam

“Will power is trying hard not to do something you really want to do,” said Frog. “You mean like trying hard not to eat all these cookies?” asked Toad. “Right,” said Frog.

two grim looking women in this coffee shop, staring in my direction, muttering hoarsely in French. suddenly one stands up. theres a little dog on the bench where she was sitting. she grabs a cup of tapwater, leans over the dog, and pours it right down the dog’s gullet.

@somersault_m It is decided. I shall go to the front and tend to the wounded @lytton_is_lit y tho @somersault_m DM me — @lytton_is_lit somerset this is grisly work. what has possessed u @somersault_m S thinks she’s pregnant. I can’t do this Lytton @lytton_is_lit oh shit u 2 really fucken

I can assure you from firsthand experience that a moldering rat corpse reeks in the dark, too, so this person‘s olfactory sense must somehow be, on the one hand, supremely dulled, yet on the other hand, still capable of detecting fine changes in degree of odor

fighting jetlag with an espresso beverage rn

omg hi sorry i dont check DMs often! don’t worry you can always text me but if i don’t reply plz don’t take it personally i’m not a great texter haha so if you NEED to get ahold of me you can try calling? tho i often have calls silenced so if that doesn’t work you can shoot me a DM and omg hi sorry—

RETVRN

sure, sex is great, but have you ever let your phone die and not charge it for a few hours just to stay disconnected for a little as a treat

I have to use Facebook for Reasons, but I refuse to install the app, and I’m starting to think they’re intentionally degrading the performance of the website, as punishment

imo their members deserve everything they are demanding, especially the members I screamed at uncontrollably for a full hour because the hospital pharmacy‘s computers went down and the infantilizing hospital management did not allow them to dispense pain meds without the computer’s permission

hot take but i think iq tests should be banned in schools

I know this has fallen to like 483rd priority, but can we get rid of the fucking pharmaceutical ads?

TIL Greenland is the size of Allentown, Pennsylvania

Deciding "Fucka Sucka Ding Dong" is a fine thing to say tells me that y'all haven't been outed by your Sunni boyfriends and it SHOWS.

so yeah I guess this is becoming a pictures of drinks posting account, cheers

I ordered one (1) sake and the server brought it in two (2) different glasses just for aesthetic purposes and everybody at the table was like “ooh what a great idea”

Puritanical bears in fantasy have ruined us.

I think “Sicilian pizza” actually has some connection to Sicily but I’m pretty sure “Sicilian coffee” does not

malicious compliance?

the quoted text reads like a 9-year-old trying to convince himself magic might be real, because we simply don't know where doves that fly out of magicians' hats come from.

Ordered a “flat white” and the barista squinted at me and goes, have you ever tried one before? it’s very small! and then I’m like, uh, also, I want it “to go”, and she goes, sir. we don’t serve that “to go”. it’s too small what is happening here

Feels like Maduro is gonna be back on a plane to venezuela before we know it but only after getting dinner at the ruby tuesday in Times Square. Nothing seems to be adding up.

Line from THE JERK II: BRIXTON EDITION (1984) featuring George Michael in blackface (never released, all copies believed destroyed)

the polyamory to polytheism pipeline

devastatingly on point

Yeah baby. Watson’s is scoring me some of the good shit* *Australian sunscreen

As a noted pandan enthusiast, pleased to have finally had my first pandan-infused cocktail, something I never imagined possible before this day

so I found out my relatives have started going on safaris to Cracker Barrels specifically to check for signs of woke perfectly normal white American behavior in 2025, I’m sure

You expect Muslims to care about places that are against their own existence? Sorry if I don't care about places like Harvard University where I might get gangstalked for being myself.

I used to sympathize with the "no trans in sports" argument. Once, talking about it with a couple of gay guys, I said it seemed like unfair competition. One guy agreed with me, but the other simply said: "They didn't choose to be trans." And that's all it took for me to realize I'd been spouting BS.

BOOKSTORE EMPLOYEE: we’d put them here. to be honest rn we’re just trying to fill empty spaces, books are flying off the shelves PUBLISHER’S AGENT(?): is this different from usual at this time of year EMPLOYEE: well, yesterday was our biggest sales day ever

this is the ideal gay couple. you may not like it, but this is what peak faggotry looks like.

“she started to call me Frank” jfc

When I was a very little kid and cameras were not yet ubiquitous it was still pretty easy to disappear. In fact, I used to worry a lot about disappearing by accident. Wander away from mom in Kmart and boom, you were on your own, maybe for the rest of your life.

it‘s helpful to take the time to learn and understand what somebody who is struggling needs what’s not helpful: googling a topic you understand less than them and showing them the results if you don’t have time to learn enough to be able to help w/ research, that‘s perfectly fair. just say so!

I guess what bothers me about this is, if you post short-form video the way you post texts, you're also just dicking around. Video production for any kind of audience is a whole career in itself.

If there is no bottom, what are we gonna spank?