If @captmarkkelly.bsky.social folds in exchange for the promise of a future vote, he might as well pick up a few yellow polos

I don't usually announce when I have Done A Housework (although maybe I should...? 🤔) but I am notorious for leaving my clean clothes in a basket for eternity, so I do insist on being praised when I put laundry away on the day it was done

They did this with car loans--they used to be three or four years, but they kept making cars more expensive, so now they're usually six or seven years. Definitely not great, but still completely different from a 50 year mortgage. (they already have some 40 year ones!)

Loving today's news that the mysterious "fedora man" outside the Louvre heist was actually a 15-year-old museum visitor who dresses like a 1940s French detective all the time, just because. apnews.com/article/louv...

"Chief, can I hold my gun sideways? It looks so cool."

pre-writing a devastating obituary for your enemy is god-tier hating of a kind you don’t often see anymore. renaissance haterism. beautiful stuff.

Settle a family disagreement: which Twilight meme is more iconic, "where you been, loca" or "you nicknamed my daughter after the loch ness monster"?

I love that the Boston cop slide never got fixed and now people just willingly go down it in tribute. It’s basically a national landmark at this point

40 years ago we’d have congressional hearings falsely accusing metal bands of putting backwards messages in their songs that told kids to kill themselves & now we have a planet-killing chatbot that’s all like “bet you won’t commit suicide chickenshit bitch” & the government is like here’s $5 billion

Don't bother with the Mormons, though, because IF they help there will definitely be strings attached

I am secondhand-watching Scandal, and did Kerry Washington put it in her contract that only she could have good hair???

If I were a shareholder of a company that wanted to pay the CEO a trillion dollars, I'd campaign to get them all removed, because they are clearly brain rotted

They're always saying "talk to your family so they don't fall victim to this scam" and what if I just made them a powerpoint called "don't be a sucker"??

Panera’s moderately caffeinated lemonade was loosely associated with 2 deaths before it was taken off market. This article alone has 4 examples of ChatGPT encouraging young people to commit suicide, and OpenAI’s own public stats estimate over a million users discuss suicide with ChatGPT each week.

is that a lot

It's that time of year when Halloween decorations haven't all come down, and Christmas decorations are about to start going up. We're in...the Tim Burton Zone.

Not now, carnivorous death ball

Only as a byproduct of its actual purpose, protecting consumers (that's the C and P in its name). If protecting consumers terrorizes and restricts business...well, that's your choice.

I love all my highly educated friends, but I need more "send a picture and ask if I should get this looked at" type of doctors in my life

Husband is watching some show I've never heard of and I asked where it was filmed. He (fairly) was like "I don't know?" but I was sure it was Canada, so I looked it up and yep, it was mostly done in BC. All the side characters have poorly suppressed Canadian accents! I love pointing out accent slips

There are no words for how evil this is

I'm going to a work conference tomorrow and y'all...I do NOT have a professional wardrobe anymore

Stop threatening us with a good time!!

As we like to say in my house, "Dare to dream, Ms. Woods."

Not since June 18, 2023 has there been such a highly publicized question of whether a sub exploded

if you haven’t read this story about his video production team, it provides a lot of background on their approach to the campaign

I hope his next step is a wrongful termination lawsuit.

Smh, babies having babies (she was born the month before I turned 32 lol)

Oh jeez, it defaults to hiding a lot of things. I switched them all to warn (at most) because a, no filters are perfect and b, how you gonna know what the new scams are if you never see them?

If we don't make fines so vast that they are actually deterrents, it's just a cost of doing business and they're never going to stop anything. Disgorgement! 110% penalties! Something! Give em teeth, for crying out loud

GOOD MORNING

This person took this when they called the race

If he can’t name the meat then you must aqueet

Is it bad parenting to answer "how come you get a soda and I don't" with "because my life is much harder than yours"? Maybe don't answer that.

I think if I were rich, I'd hire a private chef, just to break them with all of my family's dietary restrictions

The message from SCOTUS is clearly "I can excuse the racism, but I draw the line at 📉"

Welp, I have hit rock bottom (despair sitting on the kitchen floor)

This is the "felony footlong" patch that the defense displayed in closing arguments in the sandwich guy trial, but it was never introduced in evidence, so jurors were told to disregard.

It's annual benefits enrollment season, and you know what that means! Time to be mad about paying $5k in premiums so I can pay the $3400 deductible before insurance covers anything

I never want to defend a Kardashian, but "jacket potato" is not what we call it in America, which means we all have to encounter the term for the first time eventually

There are two situations where police are kind of useful—directing traffic when a stoplight is out and taking a report so you have a paper trail for insurance/claim reasons—and they hate to do it! Why show up to the scene of a blinking traffic light if you aren't going to help?!!!

I am in the pocket of Big Headache

In the absence of SNAP funding, Governor Katie Hobbs announced last week the state would use $1.8 million in leftover COVID money to help food banks and create the new Food Bucks Now program.

I love that Zohran did not praise Cuomo in his speech. You absolutely do not have to say nice things about bad people. We should normalize that in “polite” politics: Praising bad people is not actually “civility.”

Dick Van Dyke has OUTLIVED Dick Cheney

Didn't Cuomo say he'd move if he lost? Somebody buy him a bus ticket to Del Boca Vista

How fitting—I hate the pina colada song.