to all who celebrate...

1998 Godzilla is: -A great movie -A great 90's movie -A great action movie -A great action-comedy movie -A great Godzilla movie -Has great special effects -Has one of the top 5 (maybe top 3) soundtracks of the 90's -Has a top 5 ensemble cast of the 90's -Best creature design outside the original

you, a fool: it's impossible to qualify who has the "best" life, due to the immense complexity of-- me, grabbing the mic: the bear from the bear baiting scene on Game of Thrones demanded frying pans full of whipped cream between every take, and everyone had to applaud him while he ate

Written by a friend and former coworker's wife

Today just jumped to the top of the list of Funniest Days For It To Happen

Damn…looks like Death finally Chuck Norrised.

When you block me I make a funny little noise like a bluetooth speaker disconnecting

The formatting of this Beckett quote does still represent resilience and determination, just of a very different sort.

I believe I am going to go insane

I just don't know if Senator Markwayne Mullin is up to the task of running DHS. He'd have a major role in overseeing the travel industry, but here's a photo of him cowering in fear from a harmless group of lost tourists. He's terrified of tourists!!

The joys of aging...I've started growing one extremely long, extra coarse eyebrow hair that flips down directly across my line of sight if I move my eyebrows even the slightest bit.

Les Wexner's attorney during the House Oversight Committee deposition on Epstein: "I will fucking kill you if you answer another question with more than five words."

Maybe they'll let it happen this weekend so his cult can claim the day off is about him in the future.

I've given it a lot of thought and, given his penchant for hotels and scandals and naming shit after himself, I would be okay with Trump buying the Watergate Hotel and renaming it the Trump Watergate. I feel like that's a fair compromise that everyone can get behind.

Remember, Lichtenstein is actually the name of the scientist who created the country.

okay look, i support whatever she could plausibly say she's going to do here, but it would be really, really funny if It Happened tomorrow

Post a car picture you took (I promise this one is worth zooming in)

Jim Carey Grinch. Saw it when it came out then avoided it for ~15 years, then married a fan.

This was two days before I left for China and it actually made me MORE comfortable flying because I was like "what are the chances TWO planes out of New York go down in the same weekend?"

Got a Topato Potato sticker as a bonus item with a gift my wife bought me. I feel like Topato has a similar energy to Taika Waititi's Blackbeard. @topa.to @wigu.org

@ryannorth.ca

just googled "but seriously what does dom disandro actually DO" and my phone called me a narc

I liked "Wake Up Dead Man" and love Bonoit Blanc / Knives Out overall, but are we really supposed to believe this is a former street boxer? Kid's got ears like a Trump weather map. Woulda been punched to shit years ago.

I am in favor of doink points in addition to the XP/FG. Doink the crossbar or upright? That's an additional extra point. Double doink? We're going up by an order of magnitude. 10 points just for the 2nd doink. Triple doink? You basically caught the golden snitch. Bring on the doink specialists!

Me, a Bar Patron: i would like to drink a Guinness and have a chill time Every Bar Band: $50,000 worth of amplifiers in a 500 square-foot basement is the correct ratio

My most Boomer opinion, and I've felt this way since the first time I ever legally entered a bar, is that ALL live music in a bar is too fucking loud and sounds like dog shit. No bar musician anywhere ever has played music at an audible level. It's all blown-out-speaker dog shit.

Sandwich man leaving court

At least he made the planes crash on time

This is essentially identical to the "what color helicopters are surveilling you" PSA in the first episode of Welcome to Night Vale @nightvaleradio.bsky.social @planetoffinks.bsky.social

Penn State fans already have the white face paint necessary to become The Joker

She's a fictional character, but if Eliza Doolittle had lived a long (but not impossible) life, she could have owned an iPhone.

A few weeks ago I posted my unhinged Eagles take. Here's my unhinged Penn State take: People have been saying "it's now or never" about James Franklin from the second he took the job in January 2014. This year it really is now or never. We will never have a more favorable schedule...

I've loved "The Shawshank Redemption" for decades but I only just now, this moment, almost 40.5 years into my life, realized the premise is "what if a modestly above-average white man went to prison"

I'm down the shore and had a few drinks so I'm gonna put this in writing: I've had a feeling the last few months the Iggles are going to be the first team to threepeat. Last year was the storybook year. Dominant overall, amazing individual performances, thoroughly slayed a dragon at the end...

Ugh

They're texting again

A hammerhead shark meeting Ariana Grande

What the hell is this, John??? That bullet-tipped permanent marker could not POSSIBLY have made the square- edged, translucent mark on the paper. Do you even search words, bro? Cause it looks like you're just posing for clout.

maybe just one

They did it. They Spinosaurused the tech job market.

Belonging in the Shadow of Trumpism: A Bucks County Citizen Speaks Out | Living here now means walking a line between gratitude and caution, writes Olcay Ayata.

Whoever came up with the phrase “don’t yuck my yum” was doing the opposite of cooking. They were putting ingredients back on the grocery shelves

So is everyone just ignoring the fact that John Mulaney got the Handsome Squidward plastic surgery? He gets a pass?

Between Abby at the fence line and Ellie & Dina in the tunnel then the subway, this season oughtta be called "The Claustro-f Us"

"I've spent enough time in the company of death"

Some marketing consultant in like 1930: Well sir, we've been discussing the logo for your new studio and we'd like to just use your signature as the centerpiece. **slides pad of paper across desk** Could you give us a nice, clean signature to work with? Walt Disney: WALP DISNEP