me & Mo we gonna be tragic and watch the Emerald Fennell Wuthering Heights w some box wine bc why the fuck not

whoever leaked that he’s panicking about leaks is the funniest person in the government

Finally!

counterpoint: this is an amazing bit

New classic just dropped

Thanks to the funds raised by this year’s Met Gala, we are closer than ever to finding a way to return Mr Met to his human form 💪 ⚾️

Dawkins spending his entire career berating basically pretty normal people for being so stupid as to believe in God and then immediately giving himself Roko's Basilisk Derangement Syndrome after talking to the AI catgirl waifus is just the funniest shit.

(unrelated but I will watch that Love Island Australia Moon Debate with the cat reaction shot Every. Single. Time. it comes across any of my feeds)

aside from the giant uprooted trees I'm OBSESSED with, there are literal *eagles* all over the fucking place up here, just drifting over the lake chilling out being cool as hell THEY ARE HUGE will continue to try to get a pic 😭

Today is the anniversary of a great day in global history: the day Bluesky’s Sensual Alf meme began, a curse that still haunts the website. It’s my fault and I wrote about it here: little-flying-robots.ghost.io/how-i-accide...

I'm so exhausted I feel like I'm gonna barf but I need to lock the fuck in and finish getting ready to take a dozen grad students on a dissertation writing retreat at 7am tomorrow

Slightly diminish a book An Upsetting Work of Slight Talent

Slightly diminish a book The Tolerable Lightness of Being

New law: if I take a picture of your car next to my car in the airport parking lot in order to help me remember where I parked, you are not permitted to move your car until I have gone. Please see also: "if you wore a hat on the first day of class, you must wear a hat all semester."

me, regardless of time of day, when I get the free first class bump and the flight attendant offers me water while waiting for everyone else to board

trying to remember what big feelings I was having about The Bride! immediately before passing out from exhaustion

That makes one of us, bitch

I was nervous to watch this bc I raced to the recording after falling down a flight of stairs & had taken every painkiller in my backpack & had some drinks & have NO MEMORY of it but the hosts are such sweethearts & the editor was very kind to me so it turned out okay youtu.be/_pn3Gpr7idU?...

yeah i’m addicted to porn. porn myself an ice cold refreshing ginger ale

it’s a two-box day for biscuit

how can you not feel tempted to become radicalized by this trash era. bootleg-ass America

we've moved beyond cognitive dissonance, we're now being asked to fully disassociate to do our jobs (while we have them!!)

yesterday i sat through a 45 minute presentation about how to develop students 'ai fluency' in order to *ethically* make students 'career ready' 10 minutes before a discussion about how we're probably going to lay people off, then asked us to share some joys. nobody had any if you were wondering!!!

Everything is so stupid

idk man sometimes it's just good to know you're not alone www.vice.com/en/article/w...

South Side. South 28th Street. If you dropped your gun in a parking lot, the cops found it.

Arlington Heights. Zaruba Street. If you got a 12 year old with driving ambitions and a Kia Soul, he's giving it a poor attempt by bouncing it off parked cars down the street.

I just pulled the 4 of Cups for my daily reflection card and immediately started singing my current anthem and now I want to make a tarot deck playlist with a song for every card youtu.be/l32VTUsTCqI?...

Every one of the fake-ass journalists in that room are going to be so annoying about this for a long time. Truly.

This is why it's important authors read a lot, Murakami has no idea this has been done already

Newest smartring software update has a hilariously judgy tone

Journalists who are still attending the WHCD this year don't seem to get just how much things have changed. It isn't 1998. You're not going to pose for cute photos with the West Wing stars at "nerd prom." You're enabling a regime who's assaulting your own profession & you're torching your career.

Knoxville. Bausman Street. Caller said someone is talking a lot of stuff and offering to fight anyone. Unknown if he is draft eligible.

This weekend is gonna be so fun for this account

lol so it begins

Move over Hemingway, "Elon Musk, please help" clocks in at a cool four words

omggggg do not forget the way that I did transit homies

I recently went on a Himmler deep dive (apropos of... well, almost everything...) & it is truly wild how much violent, awful, world-wrecking horror gets thrown into gear because some pathologically insecure, ugly, piece of shit with a tiny dick hates everyone else for everything wrong with his life

I’m the guy in front of you at the supermarket. No I’ve never been to a store before.

I no longer believe that I spoke this impossible ass language as a child what the fuck

Ah, so the SPLC violated the How Dare You Be Mean To Nazis Law

Don't gloss over the fact that in the middle of their apology performance they refer to Harris as "Cackling Cameltoe." If these are the people you want to fall all over yourself welcoming to the resistance or whatever.

Useful!!

how it started / how it's going

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means? ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

not coincidentally, right wing uncles and university leaders are the two groups most likely to ask why the hell you’re doing a humanities degree

We are indeed gonna be live but not on our account - follow the inimitable Amoeba Knievel www.instagram.com/amoebaknieve...

we gonna try to insta live our gig tonight at www.instagram.com/dewey_decibe... Like will it work we don't know we haven't tried this before lol