me: I'd like to buy a snowboard shop bro: are you regular or goofy me: *tearing up* what sb: *looks me up and down* sb: yeah your ass is goofy as hell

guy nearby on nextdoor starting posts with "Take Heed" this is the best neighborhood

a hobnob is a delicious dunker

Is this anything - been playing No Man's Sky #nomanssky

Is this anything - been playing No Man's Sky #nomanssky

yes he was a child predator-- out of the goodness of his heart

a secretary of war that wears fun socks is kind of crazy

EMOTIONALLY BALANCED GARY Temporarily Out of Stock

logging into teams on a long weekend I gotta collaborate in the cloud please somebody collaborate with me

Accidentally sent the john deere repairman to mcdonalds and the mcdonalds repairman to 350 acres of ripe soybeans

Accidentally sent the john deere repairman to mcdonalds and the mcdonalds repairman to 350 acres of ripe soybeans

Getting crazy spam calls the past few days. Just got one at 9:50pm??

Calculator opened full screen on my 34 inch double wide monitor hell yeah let's crunch some numbers

Website redirected me and the url said TARGET OVERRIDE and I love it

It's me I'm Joe

I AM SHRIEKING 💀🤣 Forget the statue at City Hall, this guy is the *real* Spirit of Detroit. 🫡

just try the LLM dude just do it it's the future it lies and gives you psychosis man if you don't use it you'll get left behind dude

Houston, we have a second season! 🚀🍔☀️ Gastronauts is BACK for season 2, premiering August 15th only on @dropout.tv - with host @jordanmyr1ck.bsky.social, dozens of professional chefs, and some not-professional judges to give them the most unhinged cooking challenges imaginable 🧑‍🍳

We love you @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social - thank you for all the adventures you shared with us 🫡

Actor Mandy Patinkin’s plea for Jews to consider how what Netanyahu’s Israeli government is doing to Gaza is not just harming Palestinians and killing kids — but also endangering Jews across the globe.

Get you a wife who likes all your posts on bluesky

Me watching the entire @gamechangershow.bsky.social episode last week

Realized I never took "profile pic is me" out of my description and honestly that makes it better

Honestly they are pretty comfy but I'm not jumping at the beach about it

Had a dream where I was failing high school junior year English so bad they were going to take away my college degree.

browsing gym shorts and look how happy this guy is wearing these pants, i want to be happy i should try these

reposting for my sister who will be moving in at the end of the month, sorry these are the rules

Probably my favorite game changer this week, and that's a real tough call to make.

Jerry Seinfeld: Welcome to "What Is The Deal?!" We are joined by our first contestant, Don. Don-- Audience shouts: WHAT IS THE DEAL! Donald Trump: I do the best deals. Nobody does deals like me. This isn't my deal though. Darth Vader: I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it any further.

Had a dream I accidentally signed up for an advanced French class and I complained that I didnt know any French so I didn't understand the exam, but they didn't believe me because every answer I guessed was correct

The singularity is awesome

Oh my god they did it

nyt op-ed: we cannot normalize the left’s brazen attempt to win voters by talking to them

- Muslim - Born in Africa - Dem Socialist - Made hip-hop bogeyman Obama was the blueprint

what are you supposed to do when the "good" political party doesn't treat a dozen credible sexual harassment claims as disqualifying for a political candidate. how are you supposed to ignore that

Point-Counterpoint: Superman is a metaphor for the American Jewish experience because he was created by two Jewish cartoonists and is a refugee who empathizes with the oppressed versus Superman is not a metaphor for the American Jewish experience because people from Kansas thought he was a human

It is so damn funny that there is an anti-Stoney carveout precisely in the Richmond metro area. "Fuck that guy." - RVA

It's so funny he would have had it locked if he did even a medium job as mayor

The road to hell is paved with hell bricks

Genie: ok what do you want for your birthday Trump: a military parade, oh, and also millions of people on the street chanting my name Genie: okie dokie

We've got to stop Iran from developing nuclear weapons

America, tears in her eyes: Dads, why are you fighting?

My body is a machine that turns diet coke into blood and blood into pee

mayor avula can we pee yet I don't know how much longer I can hold it

Water crisis? It's literally raining you guys 🙄

Putting it into the universe that I don't need my mortgage servicer to send out a memorial day email. Just take my money and be a business quietly.

U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Combat

My personal rate of failing captchas is actually getting pretty high