The fountain coke I just sipped is so powerful that I felt my teeth get a little smaller.

Just got called “M’Love” at the Hardee’s drive-thru. Gonna be a good biscuit.

Why be an emergency contact when you can be the emergency.

You ever have a boyfriend that is really awesome? I had not before this one, as it turns out. But this one? Man. What a fucking gift in my life. He probably won’t even see this. I am just putting the word out for everyone else. He is top shelf.

Just saw a photo of myself where I look very formidable. I used to hate looking like a Strong Farm Gurl but I am leaning into it.

I am in school for collections management. I had to order some fabric swatches for an assignment. Not only did I finally have a reason to order from Mood Designer Fabrics, but I splurged on a $5 swatch of Balenciaga velvet. I could jump back and kiss myself.

First they came for James Comey and I said, "Huh, ironic... But still very bad."

(615) 369-7222 That’s the phone number for the Nashville affiliate who aren’t airing Kimmel. Call and leave a message.

Please roll me in parmesan and bread crumbs before cremating me.

You could probably stuff shoe leather into a mushroom cap and I would be like “can I try that?”

The Kroger by my house has the Halloween shit out. Not great this year but I did find a nice apple scented candle with no hints of cinnamon.

Sometimes when you think you aren’t doing well you can pay a person with a degree to tell you that you know what YOU ARE DOING FINE SWEATY.

Therapy is CRAZY. You tell the nice lady about the bad stuff that happens and she tells you it isn’t your fault and that you’re a boss for surviving. Did you guys know about this?

I’m getting my veil pierced at Claire’s

I am mondayphobic because my mom had lasagna when she was pregnant.

Having a proper rainy day in Nashville for the first time in ages. It is making me feel terminally cozy.

I really hate giving other people advice, but the murdoch family is involved in the tiktok deal with the US government. The plan is very much to "fox news" the new generations. Keep your kids and teens off it going forward, if you can.

I have my first therapy appointment on Tuesday. Please pray for the poor fucking woman that will be watching me fart-sob.

Mostly, I am mad at Disney for making me stand up for Jimmy Kimmel, who I find about as entertaining as the yeast infection I sometimes get under my right tit.

Wow. They really gonna go thru with this last season of Strangers Things, huh?

We stand together, or we hang separately.

If history has taught us anything, Banning Jimmy Kimmel is just going to make a lot of people begin creating their own Jimmy Kimmels in their bathtubs.

Filling out some forms at the doctor’s office does anybody remember the Antifa group number

I would like to have one week in which I don’t wake up in the middle of the night with the stark realization of what a dumbass I am.

tired of thinking about eating. preparing for eating. cleaning for eating. eating for eating. i want to no longer eat. OMG GARLIC BREAD

I just laughed real loud waiting in line for a lap lane at the pool and now everyone at the Y is like “what’s so funny?” And I can’t tell em because this is a family facility.

I attended the opening gala of a new sportsball themed gay bar in my neighborhood. My photograph was published in the online edition of a local weekly paper. I look like my father in a wig. Is this why people get plastic surgery?

Shout out to @rawfishandbeer.bsky.social for the shirt that is going to get me stabbed.

What is a scroad? A scroad is a member of a far-right online hate group. They split off from the groinks in 2017 after the Glunt War, which took place on fapchan. One of their members is a U.S. senator

Everyone gets to have a lil menty b as a treat from time to time. Mine was this weekend.

The free speech activist who built a list of professors he worked to get fired for their speech must be celebrated for his support of free speech, and anyone who quotes his speech accurately in context will be fired and/or face state punishment by the champions of free speech, do I have that right?

Glad the vice president of the United States, whose salary my taxes fund, is using his position to *checks notes* attack me on the Charlie Kirk show.

2026 isn’t real fakeass future sounding year

You can always make fiends at a gay bar.

Unbearably annoying.

Everyone in this hotel is saying good morning to me. Not just staff. Elvis makes people friendly af.

I didn’t bring my weighted blanket to Graceland which means I will not be sleeping.

GRACELAND

Do not put it past this administration to carry out false flag events.

remember when near five hundred people got shot in vegas and the FBI concluded that it was weird for sure but probably nothing to worry about

These violent delights have violent ends / And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, / Which as they kiss consume

“This is going to make the Right violent” - they gunned down a Dem politician, her husband and her dog, they’re kidnapping people off the streets, they’re arresting their political opponents, guys I don’t know what to tell you but you are already there. The Rubicon was crossed long ago.

Had my “I was a journalism student on 9/11” trauma cry. It happens every year. I think those years of digitizing and abstracting the 9/11 broadcasts probably didn’t help. I am still weeping for our wounded country, except now our wounds are self-inflicted. Not trying to wax poetic but like. Fuck.

SQUEEEEEEEE

i think anyone saying he practiced politics the right way or that we should continue his work should first have to read out loud his last days worth of posts to someone they love who doesnt know who he is

i’m not going to be lectured about political violence by people whose politics is violence

The truth of the matter is that if anyone but Charlie Kirk had been killed at today’s shooting, then Charlie Kirk would be out there right now using the shooting as pretext to deliver arguments designed to make sure that the next shooting would happen, and the next one, and the next, and the next.

Send me the doctor that did Lohan’s neck/chin.

I found a new box vendor yesterday. I am thrilled beyond measure.