Pro tip: Learn how to write haikus, create one when she (or he) crosses your mind, and send it to her (or him) unannounced. She'll smile the rest of the day

You might be on the right path and the road can still get bumpy. Don't let that stop your progress.

You know what song pisses me off an unreasonable amount? Teach Me How to Dougie - Cali Swag District

I wouldn't kill a man for the United States, but I'd kill a man for a Fruitopia.

I made a rare appearance in the office today and took my son with me. This boy basically taught a class all about dinosaurs and kept these folks thoroughly distracted for a solid 2.5hrs

Drake makes music for dudes who want the woman to propose.

Finally starting to gain weight (slowly) like I've been wanting too, and 70% of my underwear just decided not to fit anymore overnight

You know what? Hell yea!!

Where should I get wings from tonight??

talkin out the side of ya neck like this is nuts.

Hot Chocolate Cinderella

THEY ON TWITTER BULLYING ELMO

I'm fully prepared to box anybody that wanna bully the lil homie! He's 3 years old for Christ's sake!!

The shooter started calling them the hard r while they were minding their own business & they let him go. Bro came back with an AR & body armor & got popped because one of the family members is a marine. His racist ass is now in jail. Tired of tellin yall. Stay out of black folks business.

Girl, you thicker than a bowl of oatmeal

I still can't believe Trump started a war with Iran for, like, no fucking reason. He just *started a war* because he was feeling war-y one day and now we're all suffering and the world will never be the same and he's glitching out on national television. It's bananas.

LAWDHAMERCY!!!

MEGAN 😩 PLS

She just be showing out for the camera 📸🌕

I’m sorry… the what now?

The WHAT??? 😭😭😭

Hide Ya Butt!

And always remember: If you work for ICE, you’re going to Hell

Yall be safe up there!

I try not to complain about first world problems too often, but dawg if I order food ahead for curbside pickup, there's no logical reason for the damn drive through to get cleared out completely 3-4 times before I get my order

Ikr! Priorities all fucked up. And I'm backlogged on each of my systems 😭

Fucked around and became too important at work. Again 😭

Happy Mothers Day to all the mamas holding the world together 🙏🏾❤️

The "best" part about the Hantavirus stuff is it was even a large cruise ship. It's was a small ass 170 person vessel that could've very easily been quarantined

This is all fun and games until he starts singing in the middle of the night 😂

Good evenin yall

I may even make plans for both. Best believe I'm doing only one. If it does not require prepayment it's free game for cancelation

Accurate.

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Brother cooking tho…. 🏃🏿‍♂️💨💨💨💨💨

you got my vote for president!

it's a couple of these in my inbox. don't pmo!

Diabolical actually. Lmao

Oh LMMMAAOOOO!!!!

Man listen! I applied for an engineering role in 2021 (wont name the company in case I ever do need them 😂). They made me make an account, I didn't get the job, and they kept on their damn mailing list for holiday announcements 😑

Same vibes: Call you up 'bout an hour 'til to come through And we'd do things Do things Over and over and Over again Just when you blow me out You blow me out That's when My heart Would stop If This Was My Last Day Here On Earth youtu.be/5S9fdlQKO4w?...

This is really serious‼️Can’t give specifics bc attorney-client privilege. URGENT: FUNDS NEEDED I estimates we need $1100-$1300 to pay for fees + translator services I.C.E. requires. 19-yr-old is about to be transferred to Arizona. Venmo: @johnathanperk CashApp: $johnathanperk Last 4 mobile: 3450

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