I don't have the data, but if I did, I'd write an article about how America's Funniest Home Videos was the catalyst for hateful fucks in office bc they created a culture of adults telling kids they were pussies for exhibiting empathy toward their fellow man.

Newsom is giving, "I may live forever on account of me being so preserved," but also Daddy.

The existence of a Big Edie and a Little Edie suggests there may be an Enormous Edie and a Microscopic Edie.

Something fun is I found out I'm NOT lactose intolerant but I AM fructose intolerant. I will be choosing to ignore this diagnosis entirely.

There's never been a better time to show your kids Robin Hood.

wtf is a financier (skeeted before googled; will report back)

Took the Lord's name in vain loudly and naturally in front of my grandparents today. So that wasn't great.

my husband came inside to tell me he accidentally set the grill on fire and he hadn't gotten the propane tank out yet, but he had the time to reference, "FLAMES....ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE." deeply obsessed with this guy, damn.

I always think I want to be in a group until I'm in a group

HAPPY JUNETEENTH MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ❤️🖤💚

"pipsqueak" is an underrated insult

#thesimpsons #bartsimpson

bad day to do some shit for attention

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

scene kid to indie sleaze pipeline

my favorite meal is 4 pieces of bread covered in country crock

Can't believe I forgot to post The Mothership. In 2.5 weeks start to finish, I got hyperfixated on building a gaming computer from scratch to save money. I chose every single piece of this setup and built it entirely by myself knowing absolutely zero about anything.

Today one of my teenaged clients said, "You're my Miss Honey," and I WOW that reduced my burnout by like 75%

Get you a girl whose keening wail can be heard from across the bog, an omen of things to come

How many of you have a running list of ailments in your notes app just in case you can get to a doctor at some point.

I want a weighted blanket that is like, way heavier than the weighted blankets that exist. This is not a unique thought, but because I was a barista for a decade and a half, I always think, "If only this was 30-40 pounds of pressure."

Little known #Pokemon evolution - from Herdier to Bob Weir. #deadsky

I decided to get a gaming PC but realized it's cheaper to buy every part individually and do it myself. So within a week, I learned everything I could about building a computer. Even my favorite resident nerd admitted he would buy it.

I was looking at graduation photos and felt my age. I thought, "I guess we just don't iron anymore."

When the world feels so big it might sink you, romanticize your small little life; and when you feel so small it's like you never existed, think big and remember that 99% of people (even idiots) are just trying to do what they think is right and hang out with their friends.

Even risk-averse people should do a crime or two when they are old. Like, worst case scenario: life in prison (but that number of years lessens all the time, so just wait a little longer). Best case scenario: nobody expects the elder.

My 1yo has a new game where she grabs a baby doll and then tries to pile as many toys as she can on her chest and under her other arm while looking super stressed out. She is playing pretend as me.

nathan fielder (narrating): in order to better understand airline captains, i have to know what it means to lead. so i spent the last year in disguise as an italian cardinal named pizzaballa with a plan to get elected pope in the next conclave. i recreated the sistine chapel in a studio warehouse,

just eat the bay leaf. nothing matters.

it should cost $12 to send an email

What a perfect representation of my relationship with my sister. This text thread is the 30-somethingth equivalent to her coming in my room, asking if I want taco bell, traveling to Taco Bell in silence, heading home in silence, and eating taco bell in different rooms (it means"I love you.")

Bought a pair of jeans, thought they fit, wore them for a few hours and realized they didn't. Printed the return stuff, and packaged it up. Unfortunately, I forgot that one of my stick-on nails had fallen off and I'd put it in my pocket to reglue later. Can't wait to see if they give me that refund.

someone got a little too stoned, accidentally converted to Catholicism (something they have never been), and is googling "is Easter a holy day of obligation" to make sure heaven is still on the table if they skip mass (a thing they weren't going to at a parish they don't belong to)

I wish there were a morning/evening news recap that just summarized by rating the day on a scale between "not completely hopeless" and "much much worse."

max has an ad for that stupid show the paul brothers made before everything i click on. and i don't know how else to explain this, but those men are ✨scientifically✨ ugly.

my longest held belief is that if you’re nearing your middle ages you need to get into a semi-social hobby or creative project quickly otherwise you are more susceptible to rightwing radicalization brain rot content

Errbody in da club losing their retirement savings.

I met Katy Perry in an empty hallway in the very early aughts when she was singing gospel as Katy Hudson. Now her ass is in space.

if I lived alone I would eat a foot long sandwich every day I would eat half for lunch and the other half for dinner and I would never think about food again

How the hell do crunchy organic people smoke weed? Everybody just munching on cherry tomatoes or what?

33 and just realized the tune to the ABCs is the same as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

One of my first crushes ever was Major Bedhead from the Big Comfy Couch.

All at once it was like, Severance, Yellowjackets, Love is Blind, The Righteous Gemstones, and White Lotus and I was like, "Dying can wait."

Also, why do toenails grow at differing paces? Seems like a design flaw.

The concept of bones GROWING is freaking me out right now because I'm realizing I do not understand bones in the slightest

the most Uncle Baby Billy thing about my hometown is the Bible Baptist Church taking over an abandoned Pizza Hut.

genocide! in the group chat

"Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable" Cesar A. Cruz