When you’re in Boston and it’s raining hard at 12:45:

Grandma Concerned About Dinner Roll Count https://theonion.com/grandma-concerned-about-dinner-roll-count-1819571169/

I found Scaffold through @iamchrisscott.bsky.social’s wonderful piece on the DARE programs in schools, and have loved the mag ever since. Thrilled to have a piece published! www.scaffoldlit.com/microwriting...

ISSUE SIX HYBRID GEESE

this looks like a trick daffy duck would put up to get bugs bunny into "the oval office"

really obvious now why trump and the republican party have been working so hard to prevent fair elections lol they know

i love winding the clocks back an hour. you get an extra hour of sleep and the only downside is several months of horrible despair.

"While you’re welcome to try it, my feeling is that man-to-man defense simply isn’t an option. Some teams like to play a box-and-one, which generally works well against most lycanthropes. With Teen Wolf, though, you have to be careful."

A great piece on again, the coolest thing to happen in the last 100 years. Theft is cool!

The greatest moment in broadcast television history.

it remains so FUCKING annoying that every piece of advice about getting up and moving your body first thing in the morning is correct

I was in attendance tonight and Mavs fans were just laughing after each bucket, what can you do?

You have to be shitting me... Ohtani homered again

I get paid 7 figures a year to come up with this shit. Some stuff I have cooking up for you to look forward to: Amazon Prime changing to Amazon Plus. Paramount Plus changing to Paramount Now. HBO Max changing to just HBO. I fucking hate all of you and I will never stop.

Thank you @pointsincase.com for posting this silly one www.pointsincase.com/lists/the-hi...

Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored https://theonion.com/bored-national-guard-goes-door-to-door-asking-if-chicagoans-have-any-order-they-need-restored/

@cjzero.bsky.social idk if you’ve seen it but there’s an excellent moment in the Nashville 911 trailer where a dude on a Segway gets sucked into the sky by a twister

Can I offer anyone a Knife Bag in these trying times?

My first piece for @pointsincase.com is live! www.pointsincase.com/articles/rit...

Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back https://theonion.com/health-experts-recommend-standing-up-at-desk-leaving-o-1819577456/

Slipknot Travels To India To Begin Psychedelic, Free-Love Phase Of Career https://theonion.com/slipknot-travels-to-india-to-begin-psychedelic-free-love-phase-of-career/

Zapruder Thesis Film (1928): Zapruder receives D minus. Teacher calls it the biggest disaster he’s ever seen captured on film.

No one has ever had a worse weekend than Mark Sanchez

I’ve never once clicked on comments and thought “I’m glad I did that! I learned a lot!”

I’m at the point in packing for a move where the boxes are getting weird. Air Fryer + Seinfeld Monopoly? Sure.

Solidarity, brothers and sisters

Ever channel should break in live for Shohei Ohtani batting/pitching like it’s the OJ Chase

This is painfully good

Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals

I got completely sucked into this story by @iamchrisscott.bsky.social so good!

Teenagers walking in a group and one has headphones on. What is that? I don’t understand

Grizzled Band-Aid Weathers Third Shower

For audio books, no matter who it is, with about 40 hours of content, you will hate the person by hour 30

I can at least get young men being swindled by beefy jocks telling them how they can bench press their way to pussy but will never get the appeal of all these little wieners with their PlaySkool briefcase shtick.

This is EXCELLENT

Adopt a highway. Marry an underpass. Get into a custody dispute with a bridge.

The very true story about Matt Prater's journey from Arizona to SNF glory. Apollo 15: open.substack.com/pub/jessekwr...

One minute into NFL Sunday and we’ve got a Join ICE ad. Excited for a fun and normal season!

A podcast hosted by Doc Rivers and RFK it’s called “arguugiuhhheghghh”

Jerry Jones' life is exactly Forrest Gump but he's bad

I'm a sympath - the same thing happened to me but worse

He’s announcing that he’s dead

The U.S. Open By The Numbers https://theonion.com/the-u-s-open-by-the-numbers/