There should be a button on every Zillow rental listing that lets you send the landlord to jail

It’s big ball chunky time

Me and my bestie and my stupid chud son who won't move

She tolerates me

you are NOT chopped. you are NOT unc. you are SIGMA. you are AURA FARMING.

Put my cat in a dress today

(scribbling in my notebook when all the actors and actresses hold hands and bow at the end of the play) all boyfriends and girlfriends in this one too

No, I do not watch the news, which is curated by craven morons. I read online updates posted by sad jokers

I quit my job to focus on my art and my health, and I just did a big restock on everything in my store! There's stickers, pins, keychains, mystery bags, prints and tons of fun weird stuff. And now a majority of my stickers are holographic🧚‍♀️✨️ crayolapenguin.com

THAT'S where my dad went???

Sepa update

every time you miss a crosswalk in a captcha, a waymo runs over a child

Rosemont is the Dubai of Chicago (extremely derogatory)

I hope I never become evil because I don't want menswear guy to make fun of my fits

(posting while being crushed between the giant gears inside of the infernal machine I invented) Everything is going great with The Machine

The Bluesky Line of Judgment is that anyone who has less posts than you is boring and anyone who has more posts than you is deranged. If they have the exact same amount? Also bad.

Highlights from my birthday party -me with good life advice -a "Draw your best bula" entry -advice from the "Advice for Megan" box -advice from the "advice for Sepa" box

The takeover of Twitter was a preview of what we're all living with now and a stark example of why you can't let any one person have too much money: they go insane and make themselves everybody's problem

CHICKT.BMF

A state rep candidate knocked on my door tonight to make a personal pitch, and throughout the conversation with her my TV was prominently showing this static image for a YouTube playlist that Megan had going

They scream “only two genders exist!!” But every soul shines in its own irreplaceable color 🌈✨ No matter how loud the hate gets, Chiitan will keep waving this flag until everyone can sparkle as themselves🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Home of the Toilet Paper

Help!

My cat Sepa very excitedly ran up to me when I got up this morning and gave me a gift. The gift is part of our window blinds she broke off in the middle of the night

My doctor told me to watch commercials for medications until I find one I think looks good and then text him

Thread of objects I've had to use during trauma reprocessing therapy to ground myself in reality: Starting off strong with Satoru Gojo figure my husband spent $70 on in a claw machine

Fighting for my life on the toilet and my cat won't stop bringing me gifts. And she gets offended if I try to throw them.

POV: it's kitty time

Me enabling two-factor authentication: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me using two-factor authentication: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

We're having a Buneral, with a flyer and everything

If Lark Mason III, mild money for thee If Lark Mason older, expect value bolder

Shop update!! I've added my MILF (man I love farming) holographic stickers in two designs to my store, as well as updated newly holographic stickers of my older designs. This one's for you cozy gamers!!! crayolapenguin.com

Great job on the renovation, dude 👍

the twist in Rock Lobster would be a lot scarier if the B-52s hadn't spoiled it in the title. you know right away it's not a rock

I got voted mvp again for my gaming league and I excitedly told my grandma and she doesn't know what that means but she knows i get a prize so it must be good

I would never be scared of a skeleton. Dusty little nerd. I still got my whole shit on me

we’re living through the national version of that conversation where you’re like, hey, I don’t think grandpa should be driving anymore, but our cousins are all like, fuck that, give him the keys! grandpa rules! I bet he could drive 1000 miles per hour!

you may have noticed there is suddenly extra protein in everything. this is the government attempting to get us jacked. for war

Nooooo The Price from Katamari Damacy!!! Don't make cancer!!!!

I've had more dangerous shits than the situations in which these guys will start firing a gun

My opinionated NYC grandma told me she didnt like my cats name but I don't wanna hear nothing out of a woman who named her cat "Puss"

My THERAPIST knew immediatly what I named my cat Sepa after and asked me which station was my favorite. I said 2 and she said "oh yeah! Ive been to that one!"

A simulation of what my last two nights have been like

Just realized that Emperor Qin Shi Huang's "Terracotta Army" of clay soldiers he kept in a vault in like 200 BC make him the first Warhammer Guy. he got some disposable income and started painting minis. totally get it