99% sure my cat is trying to stress me to death.

Sent a v pass-agg email pre-7am so that's set the tone for the day. Thrilled to be on a train already.

Have you always been a bit thick, Christine, or did you have to do an evening class?

There's not going to be a retirement you stupid slut

The algorithm keeps pushing me IG posts about how they didn't realise a gay man wrote Part Of Your World from The Little Mermaid and trust me when I say I am v much aware of anything and everything to do with both that film and Howard Ashman tyvm.

Nobody on earth will ever be fitter than Chris Evans in the first Avengers movie, thankyou for coming to my TED talk.

List of MPs rejecting the EHRC Code of Practice and a link with a template to email your own MP as well 👇

Rewatching Hacks S1 and what the FUCK were those wigs 💀

Madonna, pissed on all fours on her bathroom floor with her shitter in the background, smoking a fag saying Happy Pride. Never change.

Happy #Pride, everyone!

Today is the 21st anniversary of the Brian Harvey Jacket Potato Incident. Have a wonderful day, all who celebrate it - I am going to mark it solemnly by having one (1) sensibly filled (cheese and beans) baked potato.

Look, plantar fascitis sucks but I think this guy has bigger issues going on

I don't think Hacks was a perfect show - the middle seasons felt like they were retreading a lot of the same stuff - but I do think it had a perfect last season, and finale. Fucken beautiful.

Post a photo from 2019 Proof that once upon a time I wasn't COMPLETELY grey

Everyone in the UK waking up today like

sentences you can read, even when you can't

Managed to sleep through the thunder storm other than the cat coming up and screaming directly in my face. Also slept through husband having a nightmare and screaming for help apparently. Whoops.

Tony Blair Put two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university

Had a GORGEOUS run on lunch, full of dopamine, super thrilled, then came home and realised a bird had shat on me 🙃 Also I've fully hit mid life crisis running wanker outfit

windows hello: sorry, we can’t seem to recognise you me:

Top 10 Kylie songs...go! Fuck this is difficult Say Something Your Disco Needs You Hand On Your Heart Light Years Never Too Late In Your Eyes All The Lovers Love At First Sight Dreams Wouldn't Change A Thing

Turns out I'm a fan of the sun these days who knew

I know we are British but can we be please not complain about the temperature I know global warming and all that but please let’s just quietly fume about it but enjoy it just a little bit.

I swear to god if I have to listen to my husband moan one more time about the fuckin heat I'm just going to chain him up outside like Kirsten Dunst in Interview With The Vampire.

Love being married to a ginge. Glorious sun outside so naturally all the shutters and curtains are shut and we're walking round the house like fucking Miss Havisham.

Cat needs to stay cool on his heart medication so I've laid cool mats all through the house. Naturally he's lying on the dining table in the uninsulated dining room with daylight coming in on 3 sides 🙃

Just found a version of Your Disco Needs You but she does the French bit in Spanish, time for me to become multilingual.

10 I've seen live: Kate Bush Annie Lennox Kylie Cher Madonna Patrick Wolf Lady Gaga Beverley Glenn Copeland Steps Alan Menken

I FUCKING HATE GARDENING. I resent 5 years ago me who wanted a garden SO MUCH. It just never. fucking. ends.

My hatred of this man is intensely personal, my mother is so obsessed that she joined his MLM cookware company and referred to him as her boss so now I need him to fail on an elemental level.

Oh good the Tension Tour vinyl is now de-listed and going for £300 🙃

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: you can’t 👏🏻 trust 👏🏻 people 👏🏻 who don’t 👏🏻 like 👏🏻 Kylie 👏🏻 Minogue

Today is my ride or die, Cher's, 80th birthday. With me longer than I can remember. For example when my parents took me to see her at Wembley Arena (4th row!) for my 9th birthday. And still reacted horrifically when I came out.

Woke self up from a nightmare screaming, husband v concerned. Can never tell him it was because I dreamt I was Janet Jackson rehearsing for a show while simultaneously packing up a house.

The name Stanley Tucci but it’s spelled ‘Stan Lettuce’

JUST TELL ME THE FUCKING POST OFFICE HOURS JESUS CHRIST

Nothing is yours. It is to use. It is to share. If you will not share it, you cannot use it.

i googled this image's text because i thought it was funny and google's ai result nearly killed me

We now cross over to BBC Radio Derby.

seeing someone with “Taken” in their bio is so sad like i hope you get rescued by liam neeson soon :((

"Nisi decree you, decree you... NISI"

Starting my week off exactly as I mean to go on - playing a playstation game where I'm a lesbian postmistress. Your thirties are very different from your twenties aren't they.

Just finished wuthering heights and WHAT WAS EVERYONE SLATING?! It was incredible. 100% not authentic retelling of the story but THE STORY IS AWFUL. Almost (almost) made them redeemably tragic characters.

If you still want to watch Eurovision honestly that's fine, I don't have a major issue with it, I still use Spotify etc so I can't say anything. I miss it very much. I think the thing that I personally couldn't hack is how gross it'd feel if Israel were to actually win at the moment.

Swifts parkrun takeover! Tiny turnout of 984 people 💀 There are very few things I will get out of bed early for. This is apparently one of them.

Can't move for sleeping gingers in this house

Just said to husband I felt fat and ugly (admittedly because I was trying to fit into what is basically a child's t-shirt) and he responded with...'You're not fat'.

Just saw Katya's scene in Hacks

Went and played padel for a friend's birthday this eve and lads I think I might have enjoyed it too much and betrayed my working class roots