My beautiful, beloved, sexy wife heats up her fucking frozen waffles in the microwave because she "likes them soft." I'm readying the divorce papers as we speak. I'm packing a bag. SOFT. SOGGY. WAFFLES????

Ouggghghhghh. Also feeling so self deprecating lately. Feels like I'm astral projecting just for my disembodied form to throw globs of sludge while my lifeless husk of a body lays face down on the floor, letting the sludge and goo pile up. Engulfed by the goo

Crawling on all floors to a psych unit and I start scratching at the door and yowling until a pair of massive hands burst out and violently grab me and forcibly admit me

Rejection sensitivity bleeding into every aspect of my life. I feel like I'm twitching around violently on the ground like a roach that for sprayed with Raid

BBW still works for nbs because the W stands for whatever

God I bet it feels good as fuck to be spread out ventricle by vesicle like a soft red tree

Cunty Schoos

"Stay home, learn how to duck!"

Your choice liberal. Migra snitch avocado or genocide guacamole

why are you trans, wrong answers only I drove for 26 hours straight and I really wanted a hot dog

Even for some wheat? *gets hit square in the face with a dodgeball*

Please vaccinate your puppygirls, there was a kennel cough outbreak and the Trans Pride festival

Cool! My state attorney general, Todd Rokita, is actively trying to reopen and reverse gender marker change cases (even sealed ones)! 9 confirmed cases and counting as of today!!! www.wfyi.org/statewide/20...

She gou on my da till I smoke her shell

Watching a video where group of guys walk outside of a bar and I said, "Oh god I can smell this video. It smells like alcohol breath, stale cigarettes, dehydration, sweat, and that gross outside city pollution smell. I can smell it. It smells like I want to go home."

Me: *inhuman screams of pain just for the hell of it* June: "Please don't do that." Me: "Should I make it more guttural this time?" June: "Please don't."

My wife's loot drop after getting sneak attacked

I mean yeah, it'd be cool to jerk you

Fuck dude, she's not gonna want me. I don't even know how to zest a lime

I forgot to mention that I was very aggressively ma'amed earlier this week at the grocery store just down the road from me. I was very confused why she said ma'am multiple times and it felt emphasized. Jokes on you lady, my gender is horrors beyond human comprehension.

Ough the cone

Benson Boone blasting neighbors are fighting at fucking 1AM all throughout the goddamn building. These people absolutely fucking suck holy shit

I'm fighting demons you couldn't even begin to understand (tummy hurts, yeast infection, sore throat all at once)

I'm the youngest in my office but I'm going around making sure people got to eat their lunch like I'm a fucking grandma. I yelled at my boss because he didn't eat anything for almost 24 hours. Do not starve for this company or so help me god

Petting a big ol' newfoundland dog and while I'm scratching behind her ears she just leans against me to get scritches. This therapy dog is actually coming home with me, thank you.

Petting (3) dogs on the clock. Bless my beautiful chungus life

Once again hear my new neighbors because our walls are paper thin I guess and I just hear a guy talking and a woman laughing almost non-stop for like 30 minutes straight. Girl, he's not that fucking funny don't gas him up like that

been thinking about getting myself incredibly high and then being a bitch to those who deserve it

Neighbor singing Benson Boone at the top of their lungs at 10:30 on a Saturday. Fuck, I think they may actually be losers. Or worse, Christians

Computa...... mmfph

NOOOO GOD NO I SCARED OFF A FUCKING MORNING DOVE. I DISRUPTED ITS PEACE. NOOOOOOOO FUUUUUUCCCKKKK GOD NO PLEASE

I still can't believe I spent my entire childhood walking around on my tiptoes and flapping my hands and not a single adult thought I should get a diagnosis lmao

At Trader Joes for that baked lemon ricotta cheese again. They're readying the brooms

Spinning around in a pathway so that people have to awkwardly move around me to get some semblance of what it's like to be a revolving door

And they're both GAY. This is the future liberals want

Call it the Marrow Furnace the way its getting Hot on my Bone

Yeah sure fuck it. Bigfoot sighting tapes playing at the local chain restaurant Yats

Environmental storytelling

Home from work because I felt like shit today. Got laid about it. Fried pickle dip

Sexual reprodorgtions

Puppy, it's too much

Guy stopped me in a liquor store yesterday saying, "Can I ask you a question?" And proceeded to compliment me while talking about how other women are wearing skirts too short. I wanna see more women in skimpy skirts, why don't you? Cause you're gay?? Gay boy. What was the fucking question?

The last two people to hit on me were old men this fucking blows

I hope she knows the impact this has had on me mentally. I just need to go swimming but its still too cold FUCK

I can't find an antidepressant that works for me but I had a biiiiiiig sandwich with chips on it and it did help

MY CAT JUST SLAMMED HER BODY INTO THE BATHROOM DOOR AND OPENED IT SO SHE COULD WALK IN ON ME ON THE TOILET

Puppy got beat up by elliptical machine

you talk like an old testament verse. you talk like you're about to turn somebody into a pillar of salt