FIREWORKS ARE EXPLODING WHILE THE REPLICATORS SPRAY GLITTER AND CONFETTI ACROSS THE PROMENADE I CAN’T BLOODY SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING

I’m pleased to report that, after a lot of hard work, the Universal Anus is translating again. ……wait

THE COMS ARE BLASTING MORN’S PODCAST AT FULL VOLUME

Would someone care to EXPLAIN to me WHY Cargo Bay 13 is absolutely PACKED to the brim with CRATES of fireworks with MY BLOODY FACE AS THE LOGO

THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING HOLDAY GIFTS AT ANYTHING THAT MOVES ACROSS THE PROMENADE

I don’t know why you brought ME backstage Garak; if the Ensign who’s playing the Sugar Plumb Fairy isn’t HERE then I don’t know— What do you MEAN “take their part”?!!The bloody costume doesn’t fit— WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ALREADY BROUGHT ONE IN MY SIZE

Garak, I asked for a SIMPLE holiday sweater to wear to the staff party. What you’ve presented me with here is some kind of pleather chest piece….I mean it’s MOSTLY tassels and holes!! What do you MEAN, I’m on your “naughty list”?? STOP STARING AT ME

THE REPLICATORS ARE FLOODING THE PROMENADE WITH EGGNOG IN WHAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME IS SOME KIND OF DRILL

Rom’s out sick so I am ON THE LINE at Quark’s!! I’ve got my “Kiss The Chef” tactical backless apron, my tactical Socs ‘N Crocs™️ and I haven’t had more than 3 hours of SLEEP!! ORDER UP!!

Careless Whisper? Nothing careless about it, Data. If anything it’s a focused whisper. Oh the SONG. I thought you meant me. I was whispering. Well, whisper-farting. Full disclosure, there wasn’t much of a whisper to it, if I’m being honest.

If you know me then you KNOW that I’m ALL about the holiday season!! That’s why I teamed up with a Klingon joint here on DS9 to release a hungry flock of what I can only ASSUME are THEIR version of Cornish Game Hens onto the Promenade!!

THE REPLICATORS HAVE ALIGNED WITH QUARK’S HOLOSUITES AND NOW HOLO-SNOWPEOPLE WITH CHERRY CANDY CANES ARE RAMPAGING UP AND DOWN THE PROMENADE WHILE HOLIDAY MUSIC BLARES ACROSS ALL COMS

Oh look, Quark added new DLC to my kayaking program!! “Captain Fisto: Fisting Champion of the Rapids II : Requiem”. Huh. I must’ve missed part one. Well, no doubt this is some sort of super hero themed expansion so let’s boot it up and AHHHHHHG

THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING EGG NOG LATTES IN SYNCHRONIZED ARC FORMATION ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Welcome back to Tube Talk with ME, your host, Chief Engineer O’Brien! Up next it’s Morn’s podcast but FIRST it’s Tactical Tuesday, which means I am here to answer YOUR tactical-based questions!! Rom, patch the first one through……….tactically.

What do you MEAN I owe you a strip of latinum every time you play Jingle Bells, Quark?!! You’ve been playing it on a bloody LOOP all WEEK NO I WILL NOT “SETTLE UP MY TAB”

ST TNG producers: It's your first time directing an episode. Do you have any ideas for shots you want to get? Jonathan Frakes: Yes, I have one.

WHO LET HOLO-MAGIC MIKE LOOSE ON THE PROMENADE

THE REPLICATORS ARE PELTING THE PROMENADE WITH FIGGY PUDDING

Welcome back to Tube Talk with ME, your host Chef O’Brien!! That’s right, I said chef because TODAY we’ve beamed the latest batch of my Famous Chili DIRECTLY TO YOUR LOCATION and invite you to hail us with YOUR reaction!!

Overkill? OVERKILL?! NONSENSE JULIAN!! It’s Tactical Tuesday and I am READY with my tactical crocs, tactical socks, tactical utility belt, tactical fanny pack, tactical shirt, tactical vest, tactical scarf, tactical goggles, tac—what do you MEAN, I forgot something?!?

Disabled people were one of the first groups targeted by the Nazis. They coined the term “useless eaters”. They tested the gas chambers on us. They knew most people wouldn’t fight to save our lives. That’s why the President using the R slur is so dangerous. We’re not expendable

This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥

Listen Ensign, sometimes the only way to UNclog waste extraction……is to BECOME THE CLOG. That’s right, we’re going deep undercover. And underwater. Well, not water exactly, but you know what I mean

HI I am Chef Miles O’Breens and i am a dirty, dirty boy. If 0n1y i had gotten a GREAT DEALS IN N SOAP AT QUARKS BLACK FRYDAY SALE instead of handling out ANTI BIZNIS YOONYUN LEAFLETS maybe i woildn b such a nassssyy little plummer

REVENGE IS MINE

That’s right Worf, they covered up their ongoing genocide with as much PROPAGANDA as POSSIBLE, including a bloody LIE disguised as a FAIRYTALE that, unbelievably, some people in the quadrant STILL BELIEVE TO THIS VERY DAY!! “THANKSGIVING”?!! MY BLOODY ARSE

THE REPLICATORS ARE BLASTING SMALL BATCH ARTESIAN BLUEBERRY & WALNUT BISCOTTI ACROSS THE PROMENADE

I AM TRAPPED IN A COFFEE JACUZZI OF MY OWN DESIGN

Listen I am AWARE that the universal translators are ending all translations with vague threats ok? I am WORKING on it, don’t make me go to work on you too!!

THE ONE TIME I WORK NIGHT SHIFT AND SOMEONE TRIES TO MAKE SMOORS ON THE EPS CONDUITS???!?!?!

I AM LOCKED IN A FARADAY CAGE

MY DELICIOUS MUFFINS!! STOLEN from Engineering!! THERE IS A MUFFIN THEIF AMONGST US

Happy Frigay everyone! Today I’m— wait. Frigay. No, not Frigay, Frigay. FRIGAY. AS IN TOGAY IS FRIGAY!! No! I am SAYING that this gay is Frigay!!!! Gay!! GAY!!! GAY GAY GAY!!! …ok. Clearly there is a single word parsing translator issue here because I am clearly saying gay. NOT GAY, GAY!

EYYYYYYYY whossa say who mixed up the transportah settings and the mafia holoprogram huh? Cause the mafia don’t even exist, capisce? Fuggeddaboudid

NO ONE EXPECTS TACTICAL NUDE PARKOUR

THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING PEPPERMINT MOCHA QUARKA-FRAPPOS ACROSS THE PROMENADE WHILE JINGLE BELLS PLAYS ON A LOOP

For THIS Tactical Friday, which is definitely an official DS9 thing and not something I invented, I’m wearing my tactical crocs, tactical socks, tactical jorts, tactical fanny pack, tactical tank top, and tactical fingerless gloves. I’m gonna engineer the HELL outta this trebuchet! Tactically.

Nonsense Ensign! I’ve repaired the universal translators and they’re working perfectly! It took me all night but I BATHED IN MILK and that was the issue! ……wait No I said I PLAYED IN SILK NO!! I said I MADE TIN STILTS NO!!!! I SAID I PLAYED IN FILTH NO DAMMIT!!!

THE REPLICATORS ARE PLUMMETING THE PROMENADE WITH PUMPKIN PIES

Well Worf, it IS frustrating that Temporal Affairs didn’t let us go back in time and…deal…with Cheney, but on the plus side, this is the day he finally kicked the bucket so we can—hmm? Sorry, what’s that Klingon word mean? “May his rotten soul burn in the fires of eternity”? Oh, that’s a good one!

Welcome back to TUBE TALK, with me, your host, Chief Engineer O’Brien. That’s Engineer. Not Plumber. So asking plumbing questions wouldn’t make sense would it? Patch through the first hail, Rom! Hello? Ms. Chloe Gedsync? HELLO