Welcome back to Tube Talk with ME, you host Chief Engineer O’Brien! We’ll return to our extended interview with Morn in a moment but FIRST: Your hails!! Patch the first one through, Rom. Yes, hello Nawta Plummer? What’s your question? Hello? HELLO?? I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING

Alright everyone, I was up ALL NIGHT programming the replicators for Taco Tuesday! As we all know, Admiral Sanchèz is visiting the station today and I want to ensure that there are no INCIDENTS to……taco bout!! HAR HAR AHHHHG A DELUGE OF TACOS TO MY SHOULDER AIIEEEEEEEEE

FUGEDDABOUDIT!! END THE GENOCIDE!!

Happy Monday? I don’t know, Ensign; Morn walked up to me and asked if I’ve ever “pooped so hard your life flashed before your eyes” and then just walked away. So. There’s that. Oh hey look, we’ve got an alert in waste extraction.

FIESTA FRIDAY IS IN FULL EFFECT ON THE PROMENADE MORN IS SPINNING THE GREATEST HITS OF THE 90’S THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING A MULTITUDE OF MUNCHIES ACROSS THE PROMENADE I AM HANDING OUT UNION FLYERS IN FRONT OF QUARK’S

Everyone STEP ON UP and grab YOUR BOWL of O’Brien’s Famous Chili!! That’s right, this week I’ve added a little something for that extra KICK!! Come on up, don’t be shy now, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE FLAMES and get yours before Morn eats it ALL!!

This new fantasy holo-kayaking DLC is AMAZING! Oh, err I mean umm “well met, m’lady of the lake, how might this humble knight serve”—AHHG MY CODPIECE—STUCK IN THE STEAMPUNK KAYAK GEARS—TAKING ME DOWNSTREEEEEEEAAAAMMAAAHHIIIERREEEEEEEEEEEGAAAHH

MY PANTS ARE CAUGHT IN A LAWNMOWER AND I AM BEING DRAGGED DOWN THE PROMENADE

Computer, coffee, jamai—no NOT JAM wait until I FINISH the-NO not danish is your auto cor—BLAPHF THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING JAM DANISH FRAPPES ACROSS THE PROMENADE AHHG MY SHOULDER EVERYONE GET DOWN NO MORN NOT DANCING DAMMIT AHHHG

// the person behind this account has been utterly emotionally destroyed, devastated and broken, and so is humbly requesting an influx of Star Trek memes under this post please. Miles will return tomorrow.

// I collaborated with @auralnauts-craven.bsky.social to bring you this oddity. The concept is simple: a compilation of every act break from TNG Season 1. But it turned out to be weirdly compelling, and outright funny in places. Cue the dramatic music!

Sorry I’m late Data, I got stuck in a timeloop in the 1980’s. Was I on my continued quest to solve the mystery of a mythical Fifth Loko? Yes. Did I join a swingers club? Of course. Did I become an adult film star? I went deep cover, Data. I’m a pro. Anyway, why’s the ship on fire?

PERSONALLY I DONT see what’s so FUNNY about this shirt, Quark!! Julian and I designed them especially for Friday! See?? Instead of “FriDAY” it says “FriGAY”. Get it?? Because we’re all happy it’s Friday?? FriGAY! What? Yes of course I have it in rainbow color—WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING

THE REPLICATORS ARE SPRAYING ARTISANAL SEAWEED-INFUSED KELP CLEANSE CAYENNE SHOTS DIRECTLY AT ANYONE THAT MOVES ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Garak, today is the “Wacky Wednesday” Costume Contest at Quark’s and I SPECIFICALLY asked you for one that would BLOW THE JUDGES AWAY!! What you’ve handed me here is nothing more than control top nylons & a pleather jacket that says “KABOOM”. I don’t under— What do you MEAN, “just trust me”?!

DAMMIT QUARK the replicators are SPEWING BAJA BLAST again because you, YET AGAIN, attempted to PROGRAM “TACO BELL” into the bloody SERVICE MENU!!!!! THIS IS NOT AUTHENTIC, TACTICAL MEXICAN FOOD, QUARK!!!!

Welp the day isn’t gonna start itbloodyself so I might as well have this coffee and— Hold on, what’s this? Printed! On the INSIDE of my coffee cup?! “G1O2W3R4O5N6K7E8I9K8O7T6O5N4I3G2H1T” CLEARLY some kind of TOP SECRET CODE!! But what could it MEAN??!

THE REPLICATORS ARE FLINGING FRENCH FRY BASKETS THAT ARE FLYING FURIOUSLY ACROSS THE PROMENADE

FUCK ICE

Once again, after a lot of hard work, I’m happy to report that the universal translators are butt up and running again. Wait. Hold on. Ok, NOW they’re up and plumbing. NO. Ok, now they should be golden champion. WHAT? Ok try Morn now! NO!! THERE I have flinched the beamsockets! What?! NO!!

WELCOME BACK TO TUBE TALK. After years of PLEADING with you that this is an ENGINEERING questions show and NOT a plumbing show, Riker said he could help and gave me something called a “Five Loco” and I’m just going with it. SO. BRING ON YOUR PLUMBING QUESTIONS YOU BLOODY BASTERDS

A message from my friend Tasneem in Gaza whose family is forced to move again: "The cost of displacement if you want to move: 4000 shekel tent Transportation 3000 shekels Bathroom 1500 shekels Rent land on the tent 400 shekels per month!!" Please give to Tasneem and others. 🙏💔 tinyurl.com/Tasneemo

NO MORN YOU CANNOT WRAP ME IN A GIANT TACO FOR TACO TUESDAY

Happy Labor Day! Stand together! Hold the line, fight for better! All work is skilled labor, calling any job "unskilled" is bullshit to deny dignity, benefits and pay poverty wages! We all deserve to have time off, health care, and a living wage! We all have nothing to lose but our chains!

Sighted: Ben Shapiro’s wife in Spokane, WA

On August 31st, I rushed Jake into the vet's office again. I heard him howl like he had on July 30th. I hopped out of the shower, and checked on him. The doctor looked at him between other appointments, and there wasn't anything he could see wrong. #Help www.gofundme.com/f/cat-had-ki... 1/2

WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS HOLO-MAGIC MIKE CONDUCTING AN EROTIC BREAKDANCING SYMPOSIUM IN THE MIDDLE OF ENGINEERING

Garak, I asked you for a SIMPLE pair of tactical, knee-high socks. FIRST of all, these go up to my thighs, but SECOND, as SOON as I took a few steps they EXPLODED, combusting my glorious leg hair in a FIREY INFERNO OF FLAME!!! What? What do you MEAN, “sssssmokin”??!!!

Sometimes you just gotta hide in the vents, Ensign. That’s all I know today. Crying? Me??! Nonsense! No that clearly was a sad vole!!!

STEP ON UP & grab YOUR bowl of O’Brien’s Famous Chili!! Now with MORE secret ingredients and served in adamantium bowls!! Speaking of bowls, Quark wants me to read this in exchange for using his bar: “This hooman swill isn’t fit for a targ. Make sure to buy your commemorative bowl.” Ok that was—

AHHHG MY PANTS ARE CAUGHT IN THE LIFT AHHHHHG I RIPPED MY PANTS AHHHHHHHGGG MY SHOULDER

Ahhh Sunday; a perfect time to relax in my “Calm Waters” kayaking holoprogram—hmm the water sure seems to be moving faster than I remember and is picking up speed TOWARD A STREAM OF RAPIDS ADORNED WITH FLAMING SPIKES WHO MODDED MY PROGRAAAAAAHHHG

Modern American fascism will manifest as masked federal thugs taking people to concentration camps viewed through footage on your phone that gets closer and closer to where you live until you're the one being brutalized and taken away.

THE REPLICATORS ARE FURIOUSLY FLINGING FLYING BASKETS OF FRENCH FRIES ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Wait….it’s STILL Thursday?? Ensign, scan for any temporal disturbances!! Wait….it’s STILL Thursday?? Ensign, scan for any temporal disturbances!! Wait….it’s STILL Thursday?? Ensign, scan for any temporal disturbances!!

We can talk about that right after you make your agency bipartisan again instead of following the ruling of a corrupt fascist government 😊

I have FINALLY made it to Level 2 of Garak’s Innuendo 101 course!! Just TRY sending me the eggplant emoji NOW, I know what it means!! Yep, no more fooling Miles—what? No Ensign, I have no idea if there is “junk in my trunk”. What trunk?? Do you mean a shuttle?? WHY ARE YOU GRINNING

TACO TUESDAY IS UPON US AND QUARK IS COVERED IN GUACAMOLE AS PER CUSTOM

AHHHHG NOT THE MILKSHAKES

OF COURSE I AM WEARING A THONG, ENSIGN!! It’s tactical. HOW is it tactical?? Pffft. Any Engineer worth their salt know that to get in this kind of tight shaft you need to OIL yourself UP and to do THAT you need to have on the LEAST amount of—YES OBVIOUSLY I STILL AM WEARING MY TACTICAL CROCS

WELCOME BACK to Tube Talk w/ ME, your host, Chief Engineer O’Brien. Again, that’s Engineer. Not plumber. We’ve had an influx of plumbing-based hails, idk why. We’ll return to Morn’s podcast in just a moment, but first: YOUR hails!! Patch the first one through, Rom. Hi Ensign Plu Ming? Hello???

WHO BEAMED MY BREAKFAST INTO A PIT OF MICHAEL BUBLÉ CLONES

THE REPLICATORS ARE…..working perfectly fine. Huh. Well! Looks like all that hard overtime paid off!! Computer, three tacos with all the fixings pleaaAAAAGGHH NO NOT ALL THE INGREDIENTS IN THE ENTIRE REPLICATION ARSENAL AHHHG THE HOT FUDGE IT BURNS OHHRRG THE VINEGAR IT STINGS AIIIEEEE THE CACTUS

THE REPLICATORS ARE TURNING COFFEE INTO CUSTARD AND IT IS TOO EARLY FOR ANY OF THIS

WHO REPLACED MY SPF 9000 WITH MAYONNAISE

It is time for a PIZZA PARTY and I am debuting my BRAND NEW version of O’Brien’s Famous Pizza Sauce!! But FIRST: we must kneed the dough. Now, step one is to strip nude save for a tactical loincloth and crocs, then absolutely COVER yourself with olive oil. Remember, you want to THRUST with your

MY PANTS ARE CAUGHT IN A HISTORICALLY ACCURATE PORTCULLIS

Ok so apparently “wagon Wednesday” means something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT