Wear An N95

A message today from my dear friend Tasneem in Gaza. The bombing and displacement of Gazans is ongoing. The civilians rely on our donations to survive. Please give to Tasneem so she can take care of her family. No amount is too small. And give to others. ❤️🙏 chuffed.org/project/1587...

MY NEW NON-FLAMMABLE UNIFORM WAS, IN FACT, HIGHLY FLAMMABLE AND IGNITED BOTH MYSELF AND THE TRANSPORTER PANEL SO RUNNING NUDE ACROSS THE PROMENADE TO MY QUARTERS FOR A CHANGE OF CLOTHES WAS NOT MY INTENTION FORGIVE MEEEEEEE

Constipated?? ME??!! Nonsense Ensign!! Just because I ate 40 boxes of field rations last night at 0300 hours is NO REASON to assume—what? Yes, I AM taking these bottles of QuarkLax and a plunger into the restroom with me SO WHAT

PT?!? PT?!!! Nonsense Julian, I don’t need physical therapy!!! Everything is working FINE!! What? YES EVEN MY SHOULDER!! Watch I’ll prove it by lifting this toolbox over my head no don’t try to stop me AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE see? I’m able to lift it perfectly AIIIEEEAAAAHHG without any HHEEYYAAAAIIAHGGGH

WHO THE BLOODY HELL BEAMED MY BREAKFAST OUTSIDE AIRLOCK THREE?!?!?!?

It is TACTICAL TACO TUESDAY which means that your taco order will present you with a TACTICAL CHALLENGE!! For example, mine was disguised as a suppository, so I did what had to be—what’s that Rom? That was just your medicine? I see. Unrelated, I must go

What do you MEAN, the replicator Is OUT of COFFEE, Quark??!! THIS WILL NOT STAND!! ENSIGN!! Get my tactical stash of emergency coffee beans from behind the warp coolant containers!! I am deploying E.S.P.R.E.S.S.O. (Emergency Special Prepared Recon Extra Swift Sicilian Operation) immediately!!!!

Look on the bright side Ensign!! Sure, we’re knee deep in sewage, BUT we’re on Risa! Sure, we got called in on an emergency unclogging job, BUT we’re on Risa! Sure, something just hissed, BUT we’re AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE

THE REPLICATORS ARE PUNTING SWEET DELICIOUS ECLAIRS AT FACE LEVEL ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Welcome back to Tube Talk with ME, Chief Engineer O’Brien!! We’ll return to hour 33 of the first episode of Morn’s podcast but first, YOUR HAILS!! Today we’re talking tactical response techniques; for example, right now I’m broadcasting wearing only warp grease! Why? TACTICAL MANEUVERABILITY

Garak, I know the holoprogram has just begun but I’ve gotta say that these pirate costumes are FANTASTIC—what? Am I a naughty pirate? Hmm well I’m sure pirates were pretty naughty in their day and—huh? Yes OBVIOUSLY their swords were stiff otherwise AHHG NAUGHTY PIRATES ARE BOARDING OUR POOP DECK!!!

THE REPLICATORS ARE FLINGING INDIVIDUAL FRENCH FRIES FERVENTLY WHILE QUARK SELLS CUPS TO CATCH THEM IN WHAT IS NOW BEING BROADCAST LIVE AS THE PROMENADE FRENCH FRY RELAY RACE

NONSENSE JULIAN!! In what POSSIBLE universe would period authentic historical oil wrestling be considered EROTIC?!! Why, it’s simply about GRAPPLING with your opponent, PINNING them to the ground as they SQUIRM, covered in SWEAT, grunting and straining to FLIP YOU OVER! It’s TACTICAL!!

/// if i have ever brought you joy i humbly and respectfully ask for your spells, prayers or whatever is equivalent to you on behalf of my parent who is undergoing surgery today. thank you.

Yes it IS colorful Ensign, that can’t be denied. But the fact REMAINS that we are KNEE DEEP in RUNOFF from Morn’s MUD BATH!! Why? WHY?!? Well for one, it’s our bloody job. For two, he combined RAINBOW SHERBET and TAFFY as an appetizer before the Quark Bell kicked in. NO I’M NOT HUNGRY

THE DS9 CINCO DE MAYO PARTY AT QUARK’S IS STILL GOING I HAVE EATEN MY OWN WEIGHT IN BURRITOS, ENCHILADAS AND MARGARITAS IT COULDN’T BE AVOIDED

Look Julian, Quark SAID that he will buy the next round for whoever puts on the best nude dance!! So OBVIOUSLY we are going to go ALL OUT!! Now get UP on the bar COYOTE UGLY STYLE we are going to WIN this!!!

I AM TRAPPED IN A CONDUIT BY A HIGHLY TERRITORIAL FIELD MOUSE

What’s so hard to UNDERSTAND, Julian?? Quark PROMISED me that this is a HISTORICALLY ACCURATE mob holoadventure! Now, WHY we’re wearing loincloths and stomping GRAPES is beyond me, but I’m sure it’s ALL part of a tactical undercover mission, so STOMP!! SQUISH!! STOMP!! AHHG IT’S GETTING ON MY FACE

MY TACTICAL CODPIECE!! STUCK TO UPPER PYLON THREE!!!! RED ALERT!!

Ok Ensign, just confirming that you’re CERTAIN you turned off the main water supply to this pipe before I open it? Because LAST time I got BLASTED in the FACE, that’s why!! So, it’s off? You’re SURE? You’re SURE that you’re sure? Ok then, here weEEEEEYYYAAAABLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLPPHHHP

THE REPLICATORS ARE TOSSING TACO TUESDAY THEMED TACOS, TORTILLAS AND TORTAS TOWARDS ANYONE THAT TRAVELS ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Yes, I’m sure you’re ALL impressed by my new pair of pants! Aren’t they SOMETHING? Garak made them for me and he ASSURED me that they’re EXTREMELY tactical. Why, they’re SO tactical that hey anyone smell smoke? No? Just me? Anyway they’re so ok there’s clearly smoke AHHHG A TACTICAL FIRE IN MY PANTS

THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING PIZZAS BASED ON RIKER’S RECIPES ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Listen Ensign, even though Thursday is infinitely closer to Friday than Monday, it can still FEEL like time is standing still, which is WHY I require my personal vent-crawlspace time with a BOOK. And blanket. And a hot toddy. And pizza. And my shows. And my pet Vol, Frank. And my slippers. And

THE REPLICATORS ARE ROASTING EVERYONE IN A BOSTON ACCENT WHILE HURLING BREAKFAST ORDERS ACROSS THE PROMENADE

Oh, fantastic!! Quark has some new DLC for the holosuites! Hmmm…“Cyberpunk 9099: Clients Of A Man Town Joy Boy”. Well, CLEARLY this is about a resident of Man Town who gets great joy out of working! But what could the job be? I guess that’s the mystery!!!

Monday, Monday, gotta stay motivated O’Brien, lots of work to CRAP I TORE MY PANTS bloody exposed conduits why the AHHG MY SHOULDER bloody low hanging pipes who even designs a AIIIIIEEEEEEEE ME NARDS

I DEMAND MY FUDGE BE PACKED TIGHTLY, QUARK, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

WHO THE BLOODY HELL ROUTED BLUESKY’S SERVERS THROUGH QUARKGPT

Listen everyone, I’m AWARE that the universal translators are malfunctioning and keep saying I AM A SAUCY BOY and I assure you that I am working on it as fast as A SAUCY BOY can!! …..wait

STEP ON UP and grab YOUR bowl of O’Brien’s Famous Chili!! This batch was auto-made thanks to QuarkGPT and—wait what? WHAT?!! QUARK! I didn’t authorize this! I TOLD you to let it MARINATE on your STOVE! What do you MEAN “now it’s more scalable across investor subsurfaces”?!! THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!!

THE REPLICATORS ARE LAUNCHING ALL MANNER OF MEXICAN FOODS WHILE MORN LEAPS LIKE A BULLFROG TO INTERCEPT WHILE SOMEHOW SIMULTANEOUSLY CONTINUING HIS PODCAST AND TACO TUESDAY IS OUT OF CONTROL ON THE PROMENADE

What do you MEAN you’ve replaced my coffee with BOILED PEAS, Julian?!! More fiber?!? I get PLENTY of fiber! Field rations have everything the body needs!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE REPLACED MY FIELD RATIONS

Well Garak HOW ELSE are we going to figure out WHICH ONE is LONGER unless we SWING THEM AROUND?! Yes OBVIOUSLY I’m talking about the assortment of tactical nunchucks I ordered!! What ELSE would I—WHY ARE YOU WINKING AT ME

THE REPLICATORS ARE HURLING WACKY NOVELTY GIFTS ACROSS THE PROMENADE

ATTENTION EVERYONE! So we have a situation. No, it’s not that I’m covered in mayonnaise, that’s a separate matter, couldn’t be avoided. No, this pertains to Deanna saying that hitting myself in the face with a hammer is something called “LookMaxing”. I say it’s called “building character”. Thoughts?

NONSENSE JULIAN!! How could this holoprogram be HOMOEROTIC?! Why, it’s just the manly tales of Sherlock Holmes and his friend Watson! They solve MYSTERIES and do friend stuff like live in the same apartment, sleep in the same bed, share clothes, shower together, wrestle nude, you know, FRIEND STUFF

WHAT IS ON THE CEILING oh it’s me. HOW AM I ON THE CEILING oh I’m wearing my tactical suction cups. WHY AM I WEARING MY TACTICAL SUCTION CUPS oh to get up on the ceiling. WHAT IS ON THE CEILING THAT I NEEDED TO GET UP HERE AND

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

I'll never forgive the people who voted for this man, ever.

Welcome back to Tube Talk with me, Chief Engineer O’Brien! Up next is Morn’s Madness Hour spinning the hits of the 90’s to today, but FIRST: YOUR HAILS!! Today we’re talking about the tactical approach to packing fudge in stay-fresh containers and—oh we have a hail! Hello? Ensign Az Plozon? HELLO

Yes Quark I am AWARE that the universal translators are randomly inserting song lyrics into communications, and I ASSURE you, I will fix it When I Come Around!!!

THE REPLICATORS ARE SPEWING VARIOUS MILKSHAKES ACROSS THE PROMENADE AT A VELOCITY THAT CANNOT BE CONTAINED