Emotionally Distant Family Spends Holidays Watching Touching Family Dramas Together https://theonion.com/emotionally-distant-family-spends-holidays-watching-tou-1819566264/

“I never thought leopards would eat MY faith,” sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faithses Party.

“Miss, do you agree with the sign?” “Absolutely not. My great niece was 4 months pregnant and her fetus had no skull. And because of men involving themselves in women’s bodies she was forced to deliver the fetus… there’s a reason God created medicine.”🔥 #ForcedBirthNation

A very Merry Christmas to all my fellow leftist scum!

UN’s Special Rapporteur Francesca Albanese: “I truly hope that people will stay calm, will not panic, and will remember that the international community is made of 193 states, and this is the time to give the US what it has been looking for – isolation!”

Relatives Gather From Across The Country To Stare Into Screens Together https://theonion.com/relatives-gather-from-across-the-country-to-stare-into-1819575960/

Donut Pillow Shit For Smothering

👇🎯B

You guys caught this too, right? “Donald J. Trump had raped her along with Jeffrey Epstein.” ███████ noted some girl with a funny name “took me into a fancy hotel or building, that’s how it happened.” Also this: she was advised to call the police. But she replied, “I can’t, they will kill me.” 1/2

Remember the 1920s when nobody was left-handed

Christmas messages around the world... Pope Leo XIV urged people to be kind to migrants and shed indifference. King Charles III called for kindness and unity. Donald Trump says he prevented "Bad Santa" from infiltrating America.

This was a very strange thing for him to lie about

Nothing to see here. This is definitely a normal post that perfectly demonstrates appropriate behavior for a man with grave responsibilities to the nation and absolutely, positively does not show psychological derangement and incapacity to serve as president under section 4 of the 25th Amendment.

Tesla doesn't recongise Trade Unions. Apple doesn't recognise unions. Amazon is anti-union. McDonald's is anti-union. Starbucks is anti-union. Google is anti-union. Walmart is anti-union. The big corporations are not on your side.

After buying it for $18.8 billion, Walgreens' new private equity owner has eliminated paid holidays for all hourly workers on Christmas and New Year's. Last year, Walgreens had a CEO-to-Worker pay gap of 410 to 1. Corporate greed that would make even Scrooge blush.

If Network NEWSCASTS, and their Late Night Shows, are almost 100% Accurate about a Pathological Liar and Convicted Felon who Incited an Insurrection, tried to Steal a Fair Election and is Covering up Sex Crimes against Children, shouldn't his Disgraceful Presidency be terminated? I say, YES!

The DOJ never told us how many documents, pics and vids made up the Epstein files. How will they prove these million documents were just found and not part of the original inventory?

LAPD Arrests Everyone Who Lost Home In Fire https://theonion.com/lapd-arrests-everyone-who-lost-home-in-fire/

One day, a neurological disorder will be named after Donald Trump for when a patient can't focus on anything but himself, but "acute malignant narcissism" is too mild a diagnosis.

Christian Nationalist without the boring nice Jesus parts.

The Justice Department said Wednesday that it may need a "few more weeks" to release its records on the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein after discovering more than a million potentially relevant documents. n.pr/48V8GS8

Having a normal Christmas morning

my bluesky

it's crazy that 500 years ago, you would see the ruler of your country maybe once in your life and hear whispers that they're the Sun God, but now with social media, you get to see on a daily basis that they're the most unhinged, idiotic, and unhappy person you know

Merrick Garland hid this from us for 4 YEARS, and allowed this disgusting monster to be reelected

Apart from all the religious connotations, as an atheist I am a firm believer that helping others is a good thing. With or without god, that seems a basic human value to me.

“Pope Leo said in a Christmas Eve sermon on Wednesday that the story of Jesus being born in a stable because there was no room at an inn should remind Christians that refusing to help the poor & strangers today is tantamount to rejecting God himself.” Obvious to any REAL Christian. #MerryChristmas

If this report is true, this goes beyond child sex trafficking and makes Donald Trump an accessory to murder, at the very least.

🇵🇱 Poland closed Russia’s last consulate in Gdańsk, leaving only the embassy in Warsaw.

Next up: OPERATION RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE

Honestly, this would make a great gay-porn series. And I'm not even kidding.

There are violent extremists on the left but they are not in charge of the party. You can find them on social media, not in the halls of power. The violent extremists on the right are in congress, on courts, and sitting in the Oval Office.

So it’s real

Your regular reminder that Neil Gorsuch illegitimately occupies a stolen SCOTUS seat & is as deeply & fundamentally authoritarian as Alito & Thomas, even if less corrupt & generally more polite, else he would not have accepted a nomination for said stolen SCOTUS seat.

BREAKING: George Conway, former conservative lawyer and fierce Trump critic, has filed to run in New York’s 12th Congressional District.

At Least Child Laborer Not Staring At iPad All Day

The Department of Education said Monday that the Trump administration will begin to garnish earnings from student loan borrowers in January.

When I wasn't happy with big law, I built my own law firm to protect democracy. When I saw what corporate overlords were doing to the media, I decided to build Democracy Docket. But I need your help for it to grow and thrive. Support its 22 person team by becoming a member today. hubs.ly/Q03CbHTt0

Watch. DOJ will eventually release the old FBI handwriting analysis of the Epstein/Nassar letter saying it's a fake, then point fingers at "dems" who "perpetrated a hoax" to "hurt president trump."

When Bari Weiss wrote about the national crisis of “woke private schools,” all of her sources were anonymous students, parents, and teachers who agreed with her premise—and she ran the story without getting a school on the record, for “context.”

Founding Fathers: “We are not a Christian nation.”

I talk to my students about this on the first day, and use it to discuss why they are in college in the first place.

Don't threaten us with a good time!

BRENNAN: What are you going to do to force DOJ to comply? MASSIE: The quickest way and most expeditious way to get justice for these victims is to bring inherent contempt against Pam Bondi. That doesn't require going through the courts. We're drafting that right now.

Blanche says Maxwell was transferred for her safety because she received numerous threats. I’m sorry, do you move someone to LOWER security in those instances?

I'm still not used to CBS being state media

🚨BREAKING: The U.S. military has seized a third oil tanker near Venezuela—Bloomberg