A functioning government would have impeached him months ago

Total bullshit, and it’s infuriating that not a single one of them will ever face any real consequences or backlash because of it

The Portland Trail Blazers play basketball in two days

Just like they drew it up

Is it just me or could they have totally tackled him inside the 5 and just chose not to? lol

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see Will Arnett doing a commercial for a bank

TRAVIS HUNTER WHAT A CATCH

Someone gotta put the Benny Hill music over this

Damn. This is amazing. £325 per week, paid monthly, for 3 years - and the result was a profit for the Irish economy: www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employmen...

Not sure he wants to make them sound this cool

It’s long overdue and it’s welcome, but I can’t help but feel some switch has been flipped and it’s now suddenly acceptable to publicly criticize Israel, Netanyahu, etc and I have to wonder what the hell took so long.

It’s definitely a good sign when your CEO is publicly saying “we’re gonna have to figure out a way to make money off this”

Hey boss, I can’t come in today, I’m…uh…being spiritually attacked

Can’t help but feel we’re starting to reach a sort of tipping point about this kind of stuff. Just flagrantly abandoning even the pretense of a meritocracy was always going to have some sort of backlash eventually

I had like a 31% chance of winning this entering today lmao

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but just reprinting what the cops say isn’t journalism. Bet you anything this “10 cars” bullshit will be proven wrong long after you wrote this stupid headline and no one’s paying attention anymore.

Oh, cops getting a taste of their own medicine? Wonder how that feels.

Don’t think it will ever stop feeling like anything less than a cosmic joke that after years of trying I finally met and went on a date with someone who I really liked and who really liked me back and then the literal next day she moved to the other side of the country

“Terrible things are happening outside. Poor helpless people are being dragged out of their homes. Families are torn apart. Men, women, and children are separated. Children come home from school to find that their parents have disappeared.” Diary of Anne Frank January 13, 1943

These people were enslaved as laborers for a call center soliciting church donations in case you’re wondering the exact level of where we went wrong as a human species

Nate Burleson is old enough to have a son playing in college

Any time you start to idolize a politician, it’s a good time to remember they’re all experts in this exact kind of media training. Any time they’re confronted with something that even approaches accountability, they’ll immediately change the subject rather than take accountability for their actions

A better world is possible

Goddamn Nico Iamaleava is fast

Mychal Thompson has always struck me as someone who thinks shit like “Real Eyes Realize Real Lies” is deep

Why would they do that

I’m not crying you’re crying

There are a lot of things that I think we’re gonna look back on in 5-10 years and be like “lol what” but I think “Riyadh Comedy Festival” really takes the cake. Feels like it’s gonna be hard to believe it actually happened

Mac Jones looks like a future Republican congressman

The Rams defense tonight:

You can always tell when Al Michaels doesn’t know who an actor is while he’s reading an ad

I don’t even drink coffee but why am I supposed to care what kind of coffee The Weeknd drinks

Absolutely nobody getting Richard Sherman’s Mike Jones reference at halftime, we used to be a proper country

He looks like if you asked AI to generate a Boss Baby

If I wanted to see the tweets of a bunch of jerkoff ragebait grifters, I’d still be on Twitter. This person’s opinion does not matter, why are we bringing it over here

Oh my god I love Natural Flavor With Other Natural Flavor

Wow, $48.50 is an absolute steal, what negotiating from Joe Lacob

First of all we already have an AI actress and have had one for years. Her name is Gal Gadot and the results have not been great

👀

One of my favorite anecdotes from THE PREHISTORY OF THE FAR SIDE: "That doesn't sound like the Jane Goodall we know."

The year is 2042. After the AI avatar using my likeness is insufficiently deferential to a customer, I am fired and immediately owe the company $600,000 for employing me in the first place. My shack above the part of the Pacific Ocean where America used to be is repossessed by the US Bank of Mars

Because everyone’s a human being who deserves healthcare as a human right, you fucking ghoul

Customer: (not on record) DMV: ? Verdict: ACCEPTED

Kinda nuts that in the span of 8 years Westbrook went from being the MVP to not one team signing him even as a backup

Jesus Christ lmao

Odd how comedians rush to say they have a right to joke about anything and yet that right never seems to lead them to tell truth to power. Feels like we allowed them to become rich and famous and suddenly comedy only became a tool for punching down and justifying their status

I continue to think that one of the reasons this country is falling apart is the wholesale abandonment of public virtue as a broadly shared aspiration. Or even something people should be embarrassed about if they don’t have it.

Perfect opportunity to post one of my favorite tweets of all time