I'm 100% glad it was salvaged but yeah Vintage Onion would've just read "Troy considering career in law enforcement" and conveyed the same thing.

"Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect."

I promise I don't mean this in a scolding way, posting about non-horrible shit is totally fine, but seeing video of what happened in Minneapolis interspersed with posts confirming which prospects are going to the Marlins for Edward Cabrera is making me feel fucking insane.

It'd been decades since I last read Umberto Eco's description of the hallmarks of (ur) fascism. Reading it now, all I can think is 'oh shit.' www.openculture.com/2024/11/umbe...

one takeaway from the grok noncon porn thing is that much of the media just isn't interested in an issue they can't pretend has two sides or that doesn't give them an opportunity to shit on the left. Also it would be uncomfortable to justify remaining on twitter after acknowledging it

Now you have my attention.

the NYT (and WaPo but that’s less interesting) knowing about this ahead of time and spiking the story preemptively without even so much as an angry call from the pentagon tells you about where the american journalistic class is.

Literally a publication for eight-year olds 40 years ago

I bet FIFA gave him a peace prize because they thought he said he would destroy vuvuzelas.

Clearer every day that the US, Russia and China have tacitly carved up the globe and alotted spheres of influence to each other.

Just a brazen mafia state.

if you are talking today about how bad maduro was and were alive, at all, during the run-up to the iraq war you are potentially the dumbest person to ever live

An administration driven by greed, cruelty, and frankly a sort of empty-hearted boredom. The death of innocents so they can beat their chests and line their already fat wallets. Whatever comes next has to at least look like justice. We cannot just turn the page for the sake of one party’s comfort.

sometimes you gotta smote a sucker's ruin upon the mountainside.

This just in: calculator has apologized for saying BOOBS

In 2026 Stephen Colbert will lose his job, yet the CBS Evening News will begin airing The Colbert Report.

of the many consistent throughlines of bari weiss' work, one I keep getting hung up on is that she's constantly doing a book report for a book she didn't actually read

uh holy SHIT?

Happy Q1 or Q4, however you celebrate!

“Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, Pierre Poilievre — none of these men became household names on merit, they simply cried the loudest. The entire conservative movement is composed of insufferable cry babies aided and abetted by spineless corporate media.”

The challenge was doing it without ever actually saying the word gay.

Again,

Anytime I feel like I just wrote something cringey, I remind myself that even Beyonce can write a line like "Now let's cut a rug, while we scat some jazz."

Adding a verse about Hickey & the Tuunbaq to "Northwest Passage."

I’m half expecting him to claim the black plague was caused by a lab leak in 1347

Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society https://theonion.com/historians-quibbling-over-exact-definition-of-concentration-camp-sign-of-healthy-society/

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden or Alice in Chains

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

The only thing ChatGPT ever does.

Gandalf: "Do not mistake me for some conjurer of cheap fuckin' tricks." Treebeard: "... And Ents never say anything unless it is worth taking a long fucking time to say." Riders of Rohan: "DEATH!" "DEATH!" "DEATH!" Boss Orc: "Fuck."

Crazy how much Finn Wolfhard is sitting out the last season of Stranger Things so far.

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was in the hospital with a pain in his liver that fell just short of being jaundice. The doctors were puzzled by the fact that it wasn’t quite jaundice. If it be- came jaundice they could treat it. If it didn’t become jaundice and went away they could discharge him.

Oooh I hate Christmas sooo much! Time to sit down for hours and tailor a Santa costume.

All the Whos down in Whoville are a buncha smug fucks.

And so I went last-minute Christmas Shopping; I encountered Hell and the great serpentines of the highest order.

I'm a regular guy, I put my trousers on the same way as everyone else: falling into them through a hole in the ceiling via a contraction operated by my long suffering dog

As a childless middle-aged adult who moved across the country, it's super reaffirming, after a whole year of feeling kinda forgotten by old friends and family, to feel entirely forgotten for the last 2 weeks of the year. Season's Greetings!

Do we think Trivago is panicked or ecstatic right now?

!! Here’s a link to full video of the 60 Minutes segment that Bari Weiss killed last minute, via @jasonparis.bsky.social: is.gd/paU8Ko (It was uploaded to the Global TV app in Canada, seemingly by accident, and has now been taken down)

fuckin' zig

Wake Up Dead Man: come for the Knives Out brand™ homage to a whodunit trope, stay for the increasingly intentional Lord of the Rings references.