Oh, Bonnie Tyler. Absolutely adored her music. So much so, that when I was a teenager and I found out that my ex boyfriend went to the same hairdressers as her, I felt like I was on a red carpet myself. Was starstruck just hearing that his hair might’ve shared the same wash bowl as her. RIP BT ♥️

🎶 You'll get a bowl of nuts, just get there at the right time You can be slow or fast, whichever way you're inclined 🎵🎤

I love it when someone says that a place has ‘gone to the dogs’. They say it like it’s a bad thing, but haven’t the dogs earned it?? How else are the nation’s canines meant to get on the property ladder??

This is tonight and my sketch is very stupid. Thank you.

Hello! It’s been a while, but Sketchburn is back on July 8th at the Etcetera Theatre in Camden: sketchburn.com 🥳

I’ll get my shit together by age 80 or so. No rush

Actually, I’d quite like those numbers too - I’m ready for an adventure

The way this person on Vinted has listed their dragon teddies for sale is making me want to bawl my eyes out. I’m glad they’re not breaking up a happy family

If you think Jaws is scary for not really showing the shark, you should check out spielberg's other films. they don't show the shark at all

always a bit scared that a room i'm not familiar with might turn out to be a jamiroquai room

i took a job as a waiter, just to put food on the table got fired. was supposed to use plates.

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller June 04,1956

Me as soon as Disturbia by Rihanna comes on:

What if I do one of those foot peel mask things and it turns out I’ve got hooves down there?

I want to support The Badger Trust but if they don’t stop using AI slop I am going to just have to set up bunk beds in my house and invite the badgers in myself, just so I don’t have to look at those dumb AI posts ever again. They formed in 1986, surely they of all places have photos of badgers!!

Beano #824, May 3, 1958

You’ve heard of elf on the shelf. Why

Uh oh, the word on the street is that I will be doing my debut show ‘How to Juggle a Ferret’ at the Edinburgh Fringe this August. 14:55 @ CabVol 2, Monkey Barrel Comedy. Details and tickets in bio.

I’ve seen this show and it’s fantastic you should get invested NOW

Beano #2299, August 9, 1986

Testing how I would cope going off-grid by catching an Avanti train

Edinburgh Fringe Poster!! Absolute dream team: 🔹 photo: Rebecca Need-Menear 🔹 poster layout: Ed Moore (& my scribbly handwriting) Both are absolutely brilliant at what they do, even with my ever runny nose trying to make a guest appearance.

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller March 31,1962

Hazel McNab (b.1965 UK) I took a walk. #Linocut

If i ever see "a little silhouetto of a man" i ain't singing a song about it. I'm getting the hell out of there

Uh actually it’s the throuple love story between two gnomes and Elton John

I would buy this monkey puppet but I fear that by buying it, I will unwillingly be signing myself up to whatever cult he’s got going on and I really haven’t got the time for that this week

Nigella: Today we’re making a lobster roll (Cut to clip of Nigella and a lobster in a nightclub, both wearing sunglasses and sweating and gurning along to Swedish House Mafia)

We have got to teach horses to read or get some hobbies or whatever. Swear every time I see them, they’re always l stood looking like they’re waiting to be picked up from school or something. Pop a TV in their field

little demon, france, 15th century

WOIMSDAY THEY PAY ME IN WOIMS

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I've already taken 5 of them and I STILL don't feel like doing the dishes!!!

Smashed three car windows already to save dogs from the heat. Haven’t found any yet but I’m not giving up.

This man is fighting a very good fight, and I really hope that he and his ex-colleagues get their full pensions soon. However, from this photo, I absolutely thought that the chair in the back was two cobras ready to pounce.

Computer simulate a thousand smiles

I know a guy who’s an organist. God he hates organs.

If speed bumps help to stop speeding. Then why don’t goosebumps stop geese?

Which European country has made the best film about a giant monkey? I think it’s time for a Eurovision Kong Contest.