Whenever I see police tape that says 'Police Line, Do Not Cross' I think - if only they'd put that up before the crime, they could have prevented it

🌞 Sunday Salutations 🌞

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller November 13,1946

Throughly enjoyed chatting with @britishcomedy.bsky.social about The Early Worms podcast and a whole host of thought-provoking things for their Random 8 column/ section/ thing. Read it wherever you traditionally read your British Comedy Guide articles (on their website).

We’re now up to four little lovely episodes of the Early Worms podcast! If you leave your house and start walking whilst listening to all the episodes of Early Worms back-to-back, you will end up 2 hours and 17 minutes from home, but boy will you have had a nice time.

ME: wow it gets dark so early now MY UBER PASSENGER: please open your eyes

what do regular lice think of head lice? like damn these guys are fussy

me in the quiet carriage of a haunted house train ride getting really irritated about the screaming

delighted to announce ive gained manual control of my reptile brain. i can now select between fight and flight from a handy drop-down menu

Happy Halloween from me and Lloyd Rattus-Battus Thomas. If you see Lloyd trick or treating this evening, please fill his trick or treat bucket to the brim with Wensleydale or he WILL eat your children.

RSPCA Cymru has made an urgent plea to the public to be a ‘Kind Spark’ this fireworks season - by considering the impact of firework displays on animals and engaging in conversations with neighbours about any planned celebrations across Wales

The funny thing about the invention of the wheel is the guy who invented it died penniless. It wasn't until much much later that pennies were invented

Reading The Bell Jar around the time the clocks go back is starting to feel a bit like the mental health version of Hyrox

I miss people posting what they had for dinner. Loved all that.

What’s wrong with my fish?????? Why’re they swimming like that????

We assume a ghost is evil when it knocks things off shelves, but maybe it’s just really clumsy

sent myself over the edge by going to say “punk pop” and accidentally saying “punk ponk” instead

Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):

Went to a kids play area in Llanelli and this foal came over and asked me if I’ve ever listened to Taking Back Sunday

Big fan of this person on Vinted using their Djungelskog as a model

I’m so looking forward to this, that’s my train home sorted!!

Ello!! The first episode of the Early Worms podcast is out NOW!!!! You can find it on YouTube and in all the normal podcasty places, but I shall put some links in the comments to make it insanely easy for you and your worms to find. 🪱♥️

How on earth is a rat a ‘freak of nature’? Humans are far bigger freaks of nature, walking upright on two feet like we think we’re better than all the other creatures, and digging up all the other creatures’ houses to build more shitting vape shops. Get a life and let the rats play football.

We now also have a YouTube channel (@EarlyWormsPodcast) if thou partake in the Tube 🙂‍↕️

From: Fair, then Partly Piggy (1988), dir. Toshio Hirata, Oh! Production

Nice to get to see @annathommy.bsky.social’s work in progress show today (part of Manchester’s Women in Comedy festival). Very funny. Was not expecting my knowledge of Popworld in York to come in handy.

🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱 EXCITING NEWS! 📣🦡♥️ The wonderful Phil Ellis and I have started a podcast called ‘Early Worms’, produced by the gorgeous ‘A Lovely Time’. Episode 1 is out on 17th October, but you can find the show on Spotify and Apple now!!!!!!!!! Go immediately!!!!!! If you want!!!!! 🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱

I don't think they should be allowed to do that

Fully cannot be bothered being around myself today. So tired that I just tried to find the Goodreads app by searching in my phone for 'JustRead'.

Happy National Badger Day! If you’re a badger reading this, please put your phone away because you know what it’ll be like if humans figure out badgers can use social media and mobile phones. We all saw Air Bud.

Got some work-in-progress shows this weekend and next in Aberystwyth and Manchester where I’ll be figuring out my solo show. ‼️CONTENT WARNING: the show will touch on the subject of grief.

Had such a lovely time being on the panel for the radio show ‘What Just Happened’ in Aberystwyth last night! If you’d like to give it a listen, it’s available now via BBC Sounds. Gather thy ears! 📻🦡

A bit of a low that I’ve had to start clarifying to my mother when I have and haven’t cheated at a game of Wordle. Just absolutely love cheating at it - very very moreish once you do that first womble down cheat street

Don't miss Buddy Nutzack's set in Riyadh. youtu.be/lRXn-g1s4T8

See you at school Simon

i love stacking chairs on top of one another. like here, feel what it's like to sit on yourself. pretty good isn't it?

Muddy embankments to tumble down near me

Did you see that? That usher just ushed me. I guess it is to be expected

Bring them back. Even if it’s to teach us about vape safety, or how to use a tin opener or whatever. Please - society is crying out for the hogs

Had such a lush time in the writers' room for tonight's episode of 'What Just Happened'. Sat in to watch the recording and you're in for an ABSOLUTE treat. You can hear it tonight on BBC Radio Wales at 6:30pm, or listen back via BBC Sounds. 📻🦡

Just watched the ‘Feels Good Man’ doc and I think this man needs an intervention. I could show him ice and tell him it's water from the future and he'd still buy it.

Vanessa has opened up a right can of worms here and I won’t be silenced!!!!!!

I ate the beans in my Beanie Baby and now I am the Beanie Baby

Death to all dresses with backs like this. Stupid Teletubbie TV back dresses. What’s the point?? Are we meant to poke our bums out through it for the loo?? For the love of God, STOP trying to get me to show my back to the general public!!

Just overheard someone at the train station asking where the toilets are by saying “where’s piss?”. Beautiful, 10/10. Does the job, tells a story.