figured out how to make stickers out of pics of the birds and it’s immediately paying dividends in the chat

Man look at this photo of Toshiro Mifune this is out of control

treat yourself. roll some matching hand towels up and stack them in a neat little pyramid by your computer. it’s like you’re at a spa every time you jack off

really getting sick of these guys

curtis “i am gay” lemay

i’ve discovered the impression my partner hates the most of all possible impressions: barney and fred in the final scene from Leaving Las Vegas. “duuuuhh look how hard you make me, fred”

it’s like mao said, enbies hold up one-third of the sky

🆑🅾️🅱️🅱️🅾️

“white guy” has a class perk where they can sing along to the entirety of R.E.M’s It’s The End Of The World As We Know It even if stunned or knocked down

worf: good tea. nice cock.

has anybody worn fingerless hacker gloves with finger cots before, like in history. just tried it to see what happens

showing up to my Drunk And Disorderly hearing riding a chariot being pulled by two servitorized john deere riding mowers

if i’m sitting on the toilet sometimes the bird flies on to my shoulder and starts making farting and turd-splashing noises. getting fucking roasted by a bird who weighs 34 grams, i may never recover

its insane that drafting as an occupation used to just involve countless huge rooms of dads in shirts and ties, scattered all over the country, leaning over tables with their asses perked up all day as their 9-5 job

i can do a pretty good worf, a decent picard and a passable data impression(s), which means i am doing one-person shows to entertain myself at all times. data is exploring his identity and adopts neopronouns, but mr worf is NOT respecting them on the bridge. mr worf, my ready room?

“jimmy carter, peanut president? more like the penis president. because he’s gay” -my partner is so wise

love the transition between “walking to the subway with a date : getting on the subway alone” because you go from strutting confidently like a man about town to staggering like an understuffed scarecrow

told someone that Entry of the Gladiators was written by julius streicher

dads love a leatherman utility knife so much . they can’t help themselves

little-known fact- when khorne trapped rogal dorn in the infinite desert of red sands, he was making him listen to ‘firestarter’ the whole time, on the grounds that “it worked for darth maul”

Mr Coiled Potency 2026

just learned that takashi miike’s last name isn’t pronounced like someone saying the name mike angrily

smoking hash out behind the electrical substation and listening to rammstein. a fox comes out of the shrubs. “hell yeah” i say to the fox, who leaves immediately. well. i tried

once again i introduce someone to mcmaster-carr and they describe the knowledge as “life-changing”. it’s not what people normally think of when they talk about Good Deeds, but the deed, it is apparently very good

the birds were sitting on chairs like people and one of them said “bosleeky weeky “ very clearly. teaching these guys to talk was a mistake

i cropped my enraged bird’s face, powerless and wrapped in a towel for nail-clipping, and the crop makes him look uncannily like a space marine. for some reason i instantly knew little nixie is an Iron Warrior at heart

getting top through the flap of your red union suit… the essence of canadian winter

a space marine named Trenbolonius

there should be dprk-style salons where you have maybe 15 or so hairstyles to pick from. theyll put them on big boards to point to. they’ll even pick for you. what i’m saying is, release me from haircut indecision samsara

owned, you piece a shit

It’s getting to be that time of the year again youtu.be/sjco86ekIlQ?...

i have lost control of my life

i would commit unspeakable evils against my fellow man for a nice fresh Orbitz

think i might fire my talent agent, a zoomer who insists his name is Lucario

i can’t believe i haven’t used clarified butter for frying yet. it’s like burning naphtha in a lamp after a lifetime of inhaling whale blubber smoke

peep this wack two-part polyether impression compound syringe w static mixing adjustable-angle tip

just under the time limit let's goooooooooooooo

The Fish Whisperer!! I think i have to unbutton my pants!! * starts jacking my shit*

getting horned up from looking at the suntory boss logo for too long

bought a ‘spider skimmer’ because it sounded like a star wars vehicle, turns out to be great for perogi, dumpling etc. how fortuitous

little bird nixie said ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴍʀ ᴜɢʟʏ, ɴɪᴄᴇ ʙᴜꜱꜱʏ to me as i uncovered their cage this morning. perhaps we should have taught him kinder things, who can say

teledildonics

exploratorily cranking hog to 50s pinups in an attempt to experience peak boomer americana. keeping meticulous logs of all sessions for future generations to benefit from. living history…

*warhorns sound from the next ridge* the Goop Troop is here! and their auxiliaries, the Cream Team!

i wanna suck you a very dicksmas

STOP EVERYTHING, NEW US CSB VIDEO the best use of my tax dollars, succinct clear animations showing industrial disasters youtu.be/35FkCArjLU0

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