Also provided this legendary quote in his book.

Can confirm. Always lovely to me and my mum whenever we met him and got on well with my dad despite being MPs for neighbouring constituencies but different parties

Tediously, shitloads of other countries have ID cards with no problem and it solves a whole bunch of problems relating to scams and ensuring people get benefits they are entitled to. Almost like public policy is actually super fucking complicated even when your instinct tells you to oppose something

Lads, do you think comparing a popular elected member of your own party to the shittest live Tory leader (in a crowded field) might be a bit much? Much as I loathe Andy “why do my earlobes come straight out of my head” Burnham.

My girlfriend who has just dumped me really liked it

I know this is beside the point but, why the fuck should we not eat swans If we eat other meat (vegetarian arguments aside)?

Dammit Lucy Powell don’t start saying good stuff now after Ive already committed to thinking you’re shit

Now tell us which entirely not objectionable global tech company that absolutely isn’t ravishing our data for nefarious ends you’re going to get to do the work

Can this government please stop lease stop doing things which make me agree with Dan Hodges’s analysis. ‘Kay thanks

I am being totally unfair using “fuckwits” because a lot of people who are pregnant are going to be ultra cautious and are absolutely not fuckwits

“Paracetamol causes autism” Vs “There is no evidence paracetamol causes autism” Can you see why fuckwits might think “ah, so it might cause autism, there’s just no evidence of it, better safe than sorry.” Can we really not be stronger in our language? PARACETAMOL DOES NOT CAUSE AUTISM

Genuinely read this as “seven times higher than the moon” and suddenly things started to make sense

"Man to deliver scheduled speech at event" is not news. It's news if for some reason he fails to deliver the speech.

When someone has set off the fire alarm at the local swimming baths.

Stop treating them like they are stupid; start treating them like they are vindictive. THE CRUELTY IS THE POINT

People say "autism never used to exist" and then you go to the Natural History Museum and the exhibit has a caption like "Born in 1762, The Revd [name] was famously irascible, steadfast in his routine, and dedicated his life to collecting 25,000 rare beetle specimens".

However, it's also important to avoid

What time do we ascend tomorrow?

Chris Philp: Nigel Farage is right. Please stop voting for him.

“This policy is a fucking disgrace and will do harm to the people it affects, our economy, our services, and it’s morally reprehensible” is the correct response not “haha your numbers are wrong and it may not even be legal”

*clears throat* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My twelve year old son “forgot” to get me a birthday present so I am no longer sad about all the ways I’ve probably fucked him up

Absolutely pitch-perfect scold: bang on tone, factually wrong at every beat. 10/10, no notes.

Can anyone’s kids use cutlery?

Check out this dude

These fuckers knew it would make people poorer but instead of fronting up they made up lies and stuck them on the side of a bus. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home...

As my kids like to gleefully say: “escalate! Escalate! Escalate!”

Chaffers asking the important questions. Although the answer is because it’s all run by the kind of fuckwit who has a daily schedule that starts at 0430, with five minutes of anal sunning at dawn the only vaguely joyful part of the whole day

After years of complaining about cancel culture, the current administration has taken it to a new and dangerous level by routinely threatening regulatory action against media companies unless they muzzle or fire reporters and commentators it doesn’t like.

This is precisely the kind of government coercion that the First Amendment was designed to prevent — and media companies need to start standing up rather than capitulating to it.

Just walk straight to the bar it soon stops

*inventing clam chowder* Hey guys, you know those slugs that live in the rocks on the beach? We should put those in some kind of hot milk soup

Actually I have my own about dating as a man in your late 40s *I don’t but now I’m thinking I should for some reason

Honestly he’s not having a great week. First being shot, now this.

Saw a medical place somewhere advertising pregnancy tests for £50. I have news for you.

The Leader of the Opposition does not believe that telling British people they must become violent towards foreigners before violence comes for them is incitement. Ok.

Kemi Badenoch refusing to condemn Elon Musk, saying "she doesn't think" he was inciting violence, and that his comments can be interpreted in multiple ways

Kemi Badenoch refusing to acknowledge that Tommy Robinson is "far-right", now on LBC, and refusing to condemn Elon Musk's words. In fact she says what Musk said *isn't* incitement. So what would be incitement then? How violent would his words have to be before he was deemed a threat to this country?

I have an idea for a programme, it’s basically Traitors but with even less likeable presenters and even more arseholism in the format. In fact every new game show should be this. Maybe chuck in a bit of Race Across the World

if i see any post expressing less than debilitating thirst for robert redford i am calling your boss

What would Orwell think about a huge face on a gigantic screen telling a crowd of people they should wage war on foreigners and dissidents? No way of knowing, I guess.

America is in a dark place

When Ted Heath sacked Enoch Powell he was acting in the face of a majority in favour. Harold Wilson backed him up and called the speech “evil”. Long past time for Keir and Kemi to do the same.

This exchange says it all.

Andy Burnham rapidly turning into the Labour soft left's Boris Johnson: MP swaps underwhelming Westminster career for mayoralty which has profile but little scrutiny, and somehow becomes the answer to all their backers' problems, despite all the signs to the contrary.

this is an absolutely first class magazine piece and you should all have a leisurely read

Seriously thriller writers, you don’t all need to use the “phone ringing but it’s on silent/on a table somewhere” device”. Every fucking one