We've always had a Joe Rogan for the left and it's Henry Rollins

That bastard

That bastard

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today in this courtroom, I plan to prove to you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that those were indeed NOT America's Funniest Home videos

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today in this courtroom, I plan to prove to you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that those were indeed NOT America's Funniest Home videos

gringx

Trying to figure out which new filthy habit I want to start

Zuck is probably the most egregious example of somebody who we only still listen to because they have vast wealth. All of his recent ideas are pure garbage. Just complete horse shit. He is not a smart or clever man

Instagram should be called "The Museum of Stolen Content"

Pretty sure Russias most critical export is a bunch of bands that sound like joy division

Funk bands are the only bands where the drummer is the coolest one

Buying and downloading music from bandcamp might not be as good as physical media but at least some company can't declare I don't own it anymore

We're sorry to hear that you decided to cancel your subscription to Ayre®, America's leading provider of fresh, breathable air, due to a lack of funds. Your source of air will end on October 21st. After that date, you will need to find another way to provide oxygen to your body. Best of luck to you

Instagram should be called "The Museum of Stolen Content"

This is all because of gamergate *gestures at everything *

I feel like the person who coined the term "fight fire with fire" never actually fought any fires

If you are ever wondering who laughs at those forced jokes they make on the local news, it's my 85-year-old mom

Happy 24th anniversary to me seeing this commercial air in an ad break during 9/11 coverage

11, call that the banker's dozen

Been diagnosed with "adult tummyache"

Watched this. It was great. Especially recommended for the tall and bald

Due to overwhelming demand, I am overwhelmed

Nobody wants to "Learn ASP.Net in 24 Hours" anymore

The Pat Finnerty/Guys podcast crossover is my favorite of all time

Once billionaires have their way you'll just be a tenant of a lonely heart

Imagine having the audacity to call this "unisex"

Sorry babe, can't have sex right now, I'm remembering Jimi Jamison of Survivor who was born on this day in 1951.

Once billionaires have their way you'll just be a tenant of a lonely heart

Look, I'm not a "fire the manager every time the team loses" guy but it irks me seeing an ad for how torey lovelo needs "wealth management" every time the dbacks blow a lead

*Me when my sons wants to do something* What's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen:

Sorry babe, can't have sex right now, I'm remembering Jimi Jamison of Survivor who was born on this day in 1951.

Band that does all acoustic covers of At The Gates songs called At The Mountain Gates

My debut comedy special comes out on YouTube tomorrow at noon and I would simply love if you “checked it out”

*Me when my sons wants to do something* What's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen:

In the future, all jobs will just be everyone telling each other they need to open a ticket for that

Imagine having the audacity to call this "unisex"

Who's hiding in your living room on your birthday? The answer may surprise you

They should have known that guys was going to sleep for a long time when they named him RIP

*me playing with my boys* Suns out, sons out

You ever just cruising the timeline liking posts and then realize you are on someone's profile and have just liked 35 of their posts in a row and now that person probably thinks you're a psychopath? No? Me neither

Babe it says right here ‘be there or be square’. Okay. I’m just letting you know what it says, babe

Someday I want to be rich enough to buy furniture that doesn't come in a box and you have to assemble it

Me: Wow, I've been on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I must be really burning that fat Treadmill: Yeah, 17 calories. Incredible *rolls eyes*

Are you cheap? Lazy? Stupid? Willing to sacrifice the wellbeing of others for even a meager increase in income? Well the growing field of BEING A LANDLORD may be the place for you!

We've updated our terms of service. From now on, on Mondays, Ladies Drink Free

Another dead friend, another gofundme