One of the many things I love about Mexican baseball is that when the announcers are not talking there is silence. There are no commercials so you just see the players shambles on and off the field.

And these are my three kids, Flomax, Humira and Skyrizi

I am begging tv executives to make a series about the innocence project

Jesus Christ, just get Henry Rollins

God can't help us because he's too busy intervening in favor of relief pitchers apparently

One thing forensic files has taught me is that women love poisoning their husbands with antifreeze for the insurance money

Why all of Tucson smell like hot dogs?

I hate the fact that that Progressive Dog Park song sort of slaps

Always wondered what Jeff Tweedy looked like in front of a comically big pizza & tonight that mystery was laid to rest

*me after meditating for two hours* Cash really does rule everything around me

American needs to play to its strengths and pivot to exploiting our large amount of unwatched concert footage we took on our phones

Kendrick Lamar ft. Joyce Carol Oates "Not Like Us REMIX"

Them: You can't make this stuff up JRR Tolkien: Fuck you, wut?

The best part of dying is going to be that I can't get any more notifications on my phone

Guillermo del Toro's James Bond

Personally I think that forcing everyone to retire at 70 would fix a lot of problems

The James Bond writers worried about continuity is definitely making up a guy who's mad at you. No one gives a shit

*me after meditating for two hours* Cash really does rule everything around me

Band that does death metal versions of progressive rock songs called Deathro Tull

Congrats to Outkast on their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. I remember when Wesley Clark wanted to appeal to young voters during his short-lived presidential campaign.

What do you think they should call the Tucson team in the Mexican league? I'm torn between the Javalinas and the Gringos

Every baseball team need a big fat guy who can't run but hits home runs

Placed my dad's photo on the Day of the Dead altar

The crash out continues into Day 2

I need to be personally notified of every centrist and cop who is crying, screaming, throwing up etc

Pretty sure the most requested website feature is the ability to give zero stars

Cocks Cocks Cocks

I bet he does

Been retired for 20 years and still no one has asked me to come back for one last big job

Look at springer, all faking

Me when I accidentally type "yeha" instead of "yeah"

Me when I accidentally type "yeha" instead of "yeah"

Do the BlueJays not know they can just walk Ohtani?

"nuclear stress test" is a very dramatic name for a test that's just an old lady walking on a treadmill

*me when a commercial includes a key piece of obscure pop culture I enjoy* Noooo! I am too edgy to be marketed to like this!

Really winning with name of the only gringo team in the Mexican baseball league

The worst thing about barstool sports is that they convinced a bunch of extremely ordinary dudes that they're interesting

*At my funeral* he always loved music. I'm sure right now he's listening to his favorite song *checks phone* Stress Relief Sleep Music with Rain Sounds

Brother, at the end of the day it's always DNS

They should know how many crows by now right?

Microdosing responsbility by trying to limit my chore list to a single thing every day

Trying to figure out how to watch Mexican baseball feels a little bit like licking the bag after your quarter is gone

Apps trying to sell me "lifetime memberships". Lol, do you mean till next year?

Who up manifesting their desires?

A particular bluesky thing is knowing that all the major media outlets are owned by billionaires and still posting stuff like "why isn't this a bigger story?"

I swear to god my brain is going to explode if I see one more politician post some version of "somebody ought to do something"

A particular bluesky thing is knowing that all the major media outlets are owned by billionaires and still posting stuff like "why isn't this a bigger story?"

Naylor is going to have to win this game all by himself

at least figma is down