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Imagine coming back from space and realizing you have to do dishes again

Look at this slut

All these people who have claimed to submit to a higher power, absolutely refuse to submit to a higher power

How many bolo ties do you wear on a first date ?

This is an asshole-mobile for sure, but that's sweet looking

In the Philippines there are almost no public spaces to escape the noise, the pollution, the heat of metro Manila. So everyone is forced to go to the mall. The Philippines is the ultra-neoliberal state. Everything privatized down to the last inch

A bandit!!!!

Nation's Dads begin bracing to receive yet another whiskey stone

Every room is an escape room if you're disorganized enough

me: ever since I can remember, I’ve been singing “with your arms and legs wrapped round my shoulders” without ever wondering how someone could drive a car like that priest: okay that’s weird but again, not a sin

Every room is an escape room if you're disorganized enough

What were they doing in your pajamas?

Real male friendship is for years only communicating by sending each other pictures of cool Ford Broncos

Has anyone ever uploaded the spinning helicopter lady on Bluesky before? Just in case

Well, I will worry my pretty little head about it

This is the sound of someone who has never, for even a second, questioned their own beliefs and of they make any sense. Just collapsing under just a thimbleful of questions

Whatever you say officer

Where does "everything is a scam" show up in your statistics?

This has been my story for the last year and a half

I bring terrible news from Flavortown

The same mainstream media that made Biden’s age and fitness into only issue with talking about turned around and propped up a gratuitously mentally even more unwell octogenarian by ignoring every obvious sign: there’s no other, clearer way to say this

The Pope has never had a #1 record. The Pope has no idea how to make a hit record. I think maybe The Pope should take a seat and listen to what Phil Spector has to say.

You don't need to be so Jesus Jones about it

Arby’s corporate chef division is staffed entirely by dogs, there is no way a human being would choose to go out into the world and eat this abomination

they’re calling it “the least successful protest of all time”

if you made a CEO work as a dishwasher for one week they would go mad like a Lovecraft protagonist confronting an unnameable entity in the cellar

Lots of talk about Pull Requests today

Hey, I bought you a book I think you could use

Combining Linux guys with the French seems like an experiment to produce the most condescending guy ever

Combining Linux guys with the French seems like an experiment to produce the most condescending guy ever

McDo McDo hast

Old man advice: Never try to gauge how drunk you are while still sitting/lying down

But the bourgeoisie is more afraid of the movement of the masses than of reaction. Hence the striking, incredible weakness of the liberals in politics, their absolute impotence.

Pat Finnerty on the Guys podcast (kiss guys) is a great crossover

Is your band "indie" or just not very popular?

If you ever see me trying to be funny on LinkedIn, know that my life has taken a terrible turn for the worse, and do not approach me

The fill-in drummer for Interpol has this great little sparkly Gretsch kit, but he's a pounder

cold out today

80% of working in security is telling people to not click on links in their email

SmashMouth is what I'm going to do to you if you put that song on one more time

If people tell you to have a good day, you should probably go ahead and have one, just to be polite

I'm glad they call them oven mitts, so I can keep them separate from my blanket mitts and oven clogs

This one always cracks me up