Note: A previous version of this article referred to the subject in a disparaging tone. The author has since developed loving-kindness for all sentient beings and revised the article accordingly.

Federal mutagen subsidies are running out this week. This country is going to be cut off from the mutagen right before the holidays

💅

Just saw my projected 2026 health insurance premium

Me and canes sauce got an understanding it doesn't stain my clothes anymore or anything

Got a talkative homie named laconic mike

To someone like me this is a normal yard

fame would change me so fast i would immediately start killing and eating people

jay jones has a winning message for 2026: [REMOVED FOR VIOLATION OF TOS]

BREAKING: After ICE refuses to allow detained migrants to receive the Eucharist, Pope Leo calls on Trump and Vance to respect migrants‘ dignity and religious liberty. “They must allow ministers to assist with their needs. They've been separated from their families and no one knows what happens.”

Kid watches the pokemon startup cutscene through every time #ethicalgamer

i don't think ray parker jr was doing a double entendre when he said "bustin makes me feel good" - i just think the character he is singing the song as really does enjoy vigorously busting ghosts

I do think it’s fine for JD Vance to hope his wife becomes a Catholic. Heck, I hope they both do!

Lenderman today

Explaining kare pan to my kids as a sort of Japanese kolache

Wife laughed at me because I looked "too satisfied" with my leftovers plate

5yo's Pokemon item management is genuinely painful to watch but I have to let him forge his own path through this fallen world

Top concern of 3% of voters, and every single one of them employed by a major national publication.

I've been saying this about the grateful dead for years

this also drives me insane, this idea that it is the most normal thing in the world for a young (white) man to have a nazi curious phase. it isn’t!

pizza place called "Big Fat Pizza"

Went to go see my friend laconic mike but he said in all honesty he wasn't really feeling like himself today

Still trying to figure out what I think of the Geese record but I am impressed by the degree to which the vocalist cut Ween out of his diet. That was not a line this band was straddling successfully

5yo on his twentieth listen of Move Along by the All American Rejects: Sometimes music is so deep it actually controls my body. (Begins walking out the front door by himself)

First time this guy has ever made me laugh

Middle son is the archetypal young sorcerer—preoccupied with creating sigils, runes. Eldest is totally shamanistic

Soccer at the brewpub #soylennial

New tenant

me: i think with most things, if you look at it on a case-by-case basis, you'll find that especially these days it ends up being this whole issue where you have to sort of look at it through a lens of, hey, you know when it comes to this thing by its very nature isaac chotiner: i completely agree

Between their rich catalogue of quality albums spread over two-ish decades and Bono's powerful activism, the conditions are perfect for U2 to once again become the most powerful social force in the world. And I will remember every face that mocked me when they do

They Voted To Put More Liquid In Babies. Here's Why They Still Support RFK

Nobody should be cultivating or expecting others to cultivate a sense of humor about this stuff

Kid gets old enough and starts trying to rope you into shit. "Dad and I were playing a loudness game." Nuh uh brother. I'm nobody's fall guy

You can change who you grew up with. If you fall into a friend group with very high chemistry you can make it so you grew up together.

Making the kids load up the drink fridge #corvee

Your exhortations against political violence are duly noted playboy

Sometimes it really sucks to be a person with consistent moral values and a basic fear of God

this is really fuckin wild

The ionic vacationer

Sent my soup recipe in for grading the other day

This Man Is A Pedophile For An Amazing Reason

Cool!

If the dark intellectual in your life has a trace of sardonic mirth on his face today...you know why...

BREAKING NEWS: A 6-year-old boy is floating away in a hot air balloon. Watch live: www.cnn.com/live

Bashing the "UNFAIR - LEFT LEANING" button on the Newsweek article about Costco being closed for Labor Day