Remember: there's no difference between a fan watch and a hate watch in marketing metrics

My cat is the sweetest, most loving little malignant narcissist with sociopathic tendencies in the whole world* *Is a cat.

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

Solar powered Cat 1 almost fully recharged. Cat 2, not so much #caturday

Cup of Tea?

Happy Paddy’s day. And to quote the man himself “holy shite, Caimh has a new book out, we should all buy it immediately.” There’s a reason he’s a saint - potty mouth though. (Available in paperback & e-book now - audio coming very soon) linktr.ee/BigSteal

The new fivers will be as sexy as Churchill but a bit ‘otter.

Don't ask ChatGPT how to cover up a murder, y'all. www.timesfreepress.com/news/2026/ma...

Cor, sure would feel great right now if we were self-sufficient in renewable energy, and laughing at all the rubes reliant on global oil supplies. We'd have a bit of a swagger in our step today.

Genuine questions: could these people be in the pay of the regime? And would that, to use language some of them favour, make them both ‘economic migrants’ *and* ‘welfare scroungers’?

"Then why are they called scatter cushions???" #Caturday

In the writers room for Breeders, our producer would order doughnuts at 4pm. In the subsequent notes, it was clear that all the ideas for the following half hour were bonkers. I feel like whoever is writing the news is on a permanent doughnut binge.

The guy who filmed Andrew Tate dancing in Dubai

This is amazing. Genuinely thought it was from The Onion when I first glanced at the title.

Not gonna lie: much less exciting story than the headline made it sound

Five months in and still looking for work. Game writing would be great, but I've also got 30 years software QA management experience with waterfall and agile. So, if you need someone who can write with a strong tech background and can work with teams across multiple continents, I might be your guy.

Good morning

Just your regularly scheduled share of this masterpiece by @tomgauld.bsky.social

Regret to announce that we’ve reached Wrong Coat season. Every coat you wear from now til mid April will be The Wrong Coat for the weather

Looking forward to Labour making a screeching u-turn and shamelessly chasing the Left vote for a while. I don't need it to be sincere, I just need the policy.

I don't know what the opposite of nominative determinism is. But Matt Goodwin does.

The impending by-election result nobody can predict will affirm the pre-existing views of everyone.

While I was out at lunchtime, some monster hit and killed a cat with his car. I came past just after and another driver had seen it happen and believed he could have stopped in time, but didn't try. It was a void kitty, thankfully didn't linger or suffer much. But looked so much like my own voids.

“The guy did a great job for a competitive rate. I’m really pleased with it”

Toothless is a whole mood

some of you are looksmaxxing when you need to be booksmaxxing

Oh thank god. Good morning.

When Norfolk Police ask Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor if he has any special dietary requirements whilst in custody:

"I voted for Disappearances, surely not seeing anything is implied in the name"

Normalize laughing derisively in men's faces when they deserve it.

It is a bright and sunny (freezing) day. We have not seen the like of this here, in the year 2026. We squint in wonder.

Because of @youngvulgarian.marieleconte.com , I am having sticky rice with soy sauce, sriracha and chilli crisp topped with an omelette and honestly, it's the best thing I've "cooked" in a while

This is some genuinely psycho shit...

A reminder of one of the loveliest pairs of siblings in the dictionary: ‘muscle’ and ‘mouse’. To the Roman imagination, the flexed biceps of a (typically naked) athlete resembled a rodent scuttling under the skin. ‘Musculus’, in Latin, means ‘little mouse’.

Don't give anything an Emmy until it's as good as this.

The deadline for responding to this consultation (about whether we should shovel even greater heaps of bureaucratic misery onto immigrants in the hope of pacifying racists) is midnight on Thursday 12th:

Well, fuck.

So sea hawks are superb owls? Have I got that right?

Britain, right now. Choose your sky colour.

Money can buy happiness. *Amassing* money won't bring happiness. If you had Elon's money, and gave it all away except for a few million, enough to do as you pleased, I think that would buy happiness for you and many others. The thing about buying that billionaires forget is, you have to spend.

Remember kids, anyone being transphobic is, whether they know it or not, working at the behest of a cabal of paedophilic elites and sex traffickers in order to stop you questioning them making everything shitty.

🤔 It’s definitely not suspicious at all to have people point out your common Twitter sign off is in the Epstein files and ten completely delete your yacht’s logs right?

<eddie vedder voice> breeeeeezin', prezzie pooped himself and I think he's doin' treason ... yeeeah ...

Salted caramel. Just give me the caramel without the salt, a good caramel is so much better without salt!

Bought a kitchen unit, 3 box flat pack. Company sent two boxes of one style and third box of another style which has different parts. Fridge-freezer died as I was discovering this. Dishwasher got jammed and I had to rewash all the dishes. That's it, boarding up the kitchen door, takeaway forever.

Don Lemon and Georgia Fort have been released. But the procedural history now emerging is unusual. Before the arrests, a federal magistrate judge found no probable cause to arrest them. The government appealed anyway. Here’s why that matters—and what it signals more broadly.

I don’t know how many people on this planet were funnier than Catherine O’Hara, but it might’ve been zero and if it wasn’t it’s a very, very very small number.

I saw the rain dirty valley you saw Brigadoon I saw the croissant you saw the whole of Sassoon #NationalCroissantDay

Took me a second.