Max Normal
@jalapenoenema.bsky.social
📤 158
📥 102
📝 978
Prone to mild eccentricity, binge-drinking and casual violence
pinned post!
Mama told me not to come - Sigmund Freud
about 16 hours ago
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PSA re: my pinned tweet. It's really fucking funny. I wouldn't normally point it out but it's low key clever and I'm incredibly smug about it. Please shower me with your likes and fake approval. ❤️
about 16 hours ago
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Mama told me not to come - Sigmund Freud
about 16 hours ago
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I also watched a lot of Patrick Swayze movies.
about 16 hours ago
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This weed is making me emotional. It's like the time my wife convinced me that taking a couple of the capsules I'd made with her placenta when Lil Q was a baby would perk me up and instead I fucking cried at everything, felt frumpy, and ate loads of weird shit for two days.
about 16 hours ago
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Massive shout-out to
@jenniferschaffroth.bsky.social
for being my sole source of dopamine, whenever I pop on here for a mooch and invariably say something ridiculous, she always supports my witterings. What a fucking queen. Thanks dude 🙌
about 16 hours ago
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Might throw my phone in the sea to prevent me just posting this nonsensical stream of consciousness all night
about 16 hours ago
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Update. We're both eating crisps. She's definitely high. Although she quite enjoys crisps anyway. As does everyone. Apart from terrorists. ẞ
about 16 hours ago
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I'm so high that I forgot I already smoked a doob. I hit my vape a couple of times and now I'm watching American Ultra. My cat has just come to sit with me so I'm just catching her up on the plot. I might have also accidentally given her a blowback, she jumped onto my lap and I coughed vapor on her
about 16 hours ago
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reposted by
Max Normal
Notorious P.I.G. (Your Fairy Hogmother) 🐽
2 days ago
They're all going to laugh at you, Charlie Brown
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reposted by
Max Normal
Father Tim
3 days ago
Did you relinquish consciousness for a sufficient period?
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Who wants to hold hands with cartoon me?
3 days ago
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The Holiday was on TV last night and I've just heard Fairytale in New York on the radio. Christmas has officially started.
3 days ago
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Some absolute fucking Quilk just accused me of making up words.
4 days ago
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I really should have tried these new jeans on before I bought them. They're so tight I can count the money in my pocket. A tenner and a fiver.
4 days ago
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Playing pooh sticks with my discarded roach
4 days ago
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I don't tell half as many people to fuck off as I'd like to.
5 days ago
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Two words
5 days ago
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reposted by
Max Normal
Fun
5 days ago
someone added me to a disparagingly named block list for asking people to please use alt text, so I added him to a list called “keeps spamming people to tell them he sat on his balls”
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reposted by
Max Normal
Marc
8 days ago
Before you sit down, make sure you can reach the remote.
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Max Normal
Lori
5 days ago
*my phone alarm goes off* Them: Time for medicine? Me: nope. Reese’s cup
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I bought a new Bic four-coloured pen yesterday to add to my collection and I'm quite annoyed that I haven't had to write anything yet.
5 days ago
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New name, new pfp, same angry dickhead.
5 days ago
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Swishy trousers for the win
5 days ago
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The Brummie accent is sexy and I'm tired of pretending that it isn't.
5 days ago
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What's green and smells of pork? Mouldy sausages.
7 days ago
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Mood
7 days ago
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Iggy Pop does a bit of painting and decorating on the side.
7 days ago
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Apparently you get more right wing the older you get. My current bedtime reading is the communist manifesto and it's got me wondering, at what age is it supposed to kick in?
10 days ago
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reposted by
Max Normal
d.ly
12 days ago
First, they came for the pedophiles, and I did n-- *touching earpiece* oh, they didn't?
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Did Carl Douglas ever explain WHY everyone was Kung Fu fighting?
10 days ago
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reposted by
Max Normal
Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
6 months ago
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's functional alcoholism.
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After almost 15 years of awkward, stunted conversation, I've finally bonded with my BiL, we popped in to see my Outlaws and he was visiting and had put Interstellar on the TV. Now we're best friends. Thank you Christopher Nolan.
11 days ago
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My only fear about dying is that my mum will choose my burial outfit and I'll have to spend the afterlife dressed like a twat.
11 days ago
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reposted by
Max Normal
Jenny Doesn’t Know
11 days ago
When I’m in a new place sometimes I poke what I’m about to sit on. Have to make sure it’s not Daniel Day Lewis, John Malkovich, or Gary Oldman.
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Post your favourite Star Trek character. Wrong answers only
add a skeleton here at some point
11 days ago
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Max Normal
Thanksjayving
12 days ago
Your honor, permission to do the jerk-off motion
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I must have missed the memo, when did looking where you're going become optional in public places?
11 days ago
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American Psycho, and chill?
12 days ago
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"Anyone else with an execution fetish?" Is not a sentence I ever imagined reading but here we are.
12 days ago
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I haven't done one of these stream of consciousness posts for ages. Although only people who read them would notice anyway. And that's me.
12 days ago
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Might fall back on one of the old classics and get my tits out.
12 days ago
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Spiced rum and 200mg edibles are not a good combo, they're making me really fucking emo tonight.
12 days ago
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The reason nobody has ever made a parody account of mine is because my whole life is one.
12 days ago
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It was so bleak that I watched This is England and Dead Man's Shoes to cheer me up afterwards.
12 days ago
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After 40 years, I recently rewatched Threads. It's so fucking bleak that it actually broke my depression, I've been feeling pretty good of late. I've also revised my nuclear apocalypse survival plan: Don't survive.
12 days ago
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The house move went well, thanks for asking.
12 days ago
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I call this piece Autumn Casualties
#rainwearart
#hashtagsnobodylooksfor
13 days ago
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Youth Hostelers give terrible parenting adcice
13 days ago
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I'm actually delighted that we have no internet in the new house yet, we've been watching live TV most nights and I just saw an advert for an investment firm that contained the best sentence I've ever heard: "At Fisher Investments UK, we won't put you in a bucket"
13 days ago
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