just farted with such perfect pressure that for a mere moment, there was a layer of gas in between me and my chair. In that moment, i felt truly free

REPORTER: Sir, can you tell us what happened with the elephant? ME: (huddled in a space blanket) Of course: I was minding my business when the beast grabbed me with its trunk. My penis, exposed for unrelated reasons, functioned as a sort of axel by which I was rotated like a holiday noisemaker

Jaghatai Khan is back and she transitioned while she was in Commoragh for ten thousand years.

To the Battlefront

hi all, i'm moving into a new apartment TOMORROW‼️ i'll be able to cover the deposit and first/last months rent — but bc of it being ≈$3.8K, i'll need help with smaller costs (like truck rental, utility/wifi activation fees, etc.) pls help out (or just share) if u can!! –> paypal.me/joltjot

how to install lever in my car that blocks my "Tool Makes Me Nut" bumper sticker w/ a little curtain while picking the boys up from lacrosse

If I was in Final Destination I just wouldn't let any of that shit happen to me. I would avoid it easily

When I get pissed at games I usually take a belt and start hitting the plushie my ex gave me

you cant read auras stupid ass . you can barely read English

Today is the only day you can repost this.

See if you can figure out what this ad from 1984 is selling before the reveal…

If i saw a child doing heroin i would jump in front of the needle and take the Hit . That is how dedicated i am to community's

avatar wip for @thefloofyone.bsky.social,, lmk what u guys think :-D

hi 🩵 im trying this site out a little more, so here goes im opening THREE commission slots just to test the waters. reposts will be Very appreciated!! examples & pricing below i accept paypal, cash app, & venmo

Want a free Emote from me? 😲 Want to help me by being an example for one of my new emotes? 🦴 🔁Share + 💖 Like this tweet to join in a FREE RAFFLE! Winner announced on Feb 12th, this upcoming wednesday!

Computer: Has over dozen CPU cores Me: Nice! Let me do 2 things at the same time! Computer: Are you out of your mind? You idiot! You moron!

would you mash him

#birdbot

unrelated but i made vergil as an elf in baldurs gate lmfao

#birdbot