Where all my Shetland heads at? I have started watching Shetland and I am VERY UNHAPPY about all this tension with Duncan and Jimmy in Season 4? ☹️☹️☹️

I play a Draw 2 on Nugget, she played two Draw 4 wild cards in a row on me after the reverse, and that’s why she now knows the “you put one of ours in the hospital, we put one of yours in the morgue” bit from The Untouchables.

The Long Walk is the feel bad movie of the year so far.

The thing about being an artist is that sometimes you’ll have a really silly/cursed image enter your head and spend hours of your life drawing it. Hours you’ll never get back.

Every fall I must once again grapple with my sexual attraction to Paul Hollywood, and I’ve decided simply to lean in.

oh no I’m reading the internet and getting mad again, time to make tea in my chocolate kettle

Bathroom lines in bars are untenably long these days and it’s because you’re in there on your fucking phones; I swear to God if you’re reading this I know you’re done peeing, bitch.

We did get full point on the college football question plus bonus because I’d Mack. Do NOT let him tell you I got competitive and mean; I knew we weren’t competitive; I am naturally mean.)

Pub Quiz semifinal tomorrow go Silky Biscuits (we’re going to get massacred but we’ll show up on time and try our best)

Of all the reasons to have to turn off Mindhunter it’s because Groff is being cringe at the retirement party.

Boy, the way this is true, and if Christians can simply allow themselves to read the Bible in this context it makes it a hell of a lot easier to have faith.

A HYBRID GREEN BLUE JAY WHAT OMG

Not actually trying to start shit, but if you’re going to not respect a bird you gotta not respect an American robin. Clowns, to be frank.

With a heavy heart I must report that my apartment was pitch dark when I got home at 7:47 this evening.

Is this the project that will make me "get" Tim Robinson? The odds are not great.

This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen

I mentioned where I was interviewing to a friend last night and she tells me that a mutual acquaintance of ours knows the CEO well and she got her to fire off a text recommending me, and I know this is how networking works and how people get jobs but it still squicks me out a little.

if you had asked me in 1989 who the most famous person in the world was i probably would have guessed "randy travis"

Does anybody else blow on a very stiff drink for the first few sips to cool it off?

My REFerENCes HaVe BeEN REquEStEd

gotta say, being eulogized by everyone saying how stupid hot and talented you are after dying at a ripe old age seems WAY better than last week's option

[as if I’m not a monster] it’s always hard when a very sexy person dies

If you can find this streaming let us all know. I remember staying up until 1:00am to tape this on VHS once. Based on the first Dortmunder novel, impossible to find.

did you guys hear about the hipster hockey player who drowned because he went out on the ice before it was cool ANYWAY monday amirite

why are flower pots so goddamn expensive

forg

back at the swamp and you better believe I’m creeping on the snapping turtles doin’ it again

psychopath test

stealing your dad's Salem Lights in middle school

hey when was the last time you listened to Gypsy? godDAMN that's a good song

There were more than 120 domestic terrorist attacks, in which there were 11 murders, in the United States during the “relative calm” of the 1980s and 1990s. They just all happened to be at abortion clinics, so I guess those don’t count.

So serenely demoralized that rejection doesn't even level me anymore. Should I get back on Hinge?

Something I did today was switch my iPhone to grayscale because it makes it harder to produce the dopamine rush and therefore much much easier to stop scrolling. It's really helpful!

Back on the horse! Second screening call tomorrow to interview for another job rejection! Best vibes please!

I deleted the app an hour ago and immediately went to Safari to tell you that Tyson‘s Corner Center has opened the biggest, fanciest Spirit Halloween I have ever seen.

I cannot wait for the team of SEVEN who always wins our tiebreakers to think “oh no, they found some Sports.”

Framed in 1 lol

Everything I see and read In The News makes me genuinely sick to my stomach and on the verge of spinning out, but I DID secure one ringer so far for our pub trivia semifinal.

I’m all the time saying this

yesterday "here is proof that the president is a sex criminal" felt pretty bad. today "almost all of the news media is assisting in covering up the fact that the president is a sex criminal" feels much worse

you really have to step back and admire it: they just released a winking SIGNED love note from the sitting US president to the most notorious pedophile sex trafficker in history, and nothing much is happening

The idea that major outlets and public figures can report/comment on all this “look who signed the yearbook for child predators” shit without hinting that it makes them want to puke is putting me on the edge of a genuine panic attack.

Every now and then in a fit of ambition and/or disgust I will decide to color my roots in the morning before my first call and it is the stupidest time management decision anyone has ever made and I’ve made it more than twice.

Ken Jennings and I just said “the powerhouse of the cell” in unison with easily dozens of the also terminally online. New season of Jeopardy! off to a rollicking start.

sup fam its ya boy renfield, you know im out here gobbling up life for the master. lets see what we've got today, we got some flies

AI is trying to take my job

191!

how did I not even know Jonathan Groff is a lead in Mindhunter

Recommend a limited series (one season) to me. Most recently watched: Hostage, Black Doves, Code of Silence.