have you noticed how it's getting harder and harder to find advent calendars in the stores i feel like their days are numbered

the gingerbread man went to urgent care with a sore knee the doctor says "have you tried icing it"

what kind of pizza does Good King Wenceslas like deep pan, crisp and even

what do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their tournament wins in a hotel lobby chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

santa used to lose track of which chimneys he had already visited but now he keeps a log

how much did Santa pay for his sleigh nothing it was on the house

how did Scrooge win the big football game the ghost of Christmas passed

did you hear about what they found hiding in the bakery this December it was a mince spy

The niece just called me “Brochacho.”

Did you guys know that in Grease “Kinicki” is his first name?? Led to a very confusing debate at pub trivia.

I guess my favorite from the weekend is this fix sparrow. If you know birds at all you know sparrows are confusing and ubiquitous and impossible and it’s good to get a kind of unusual one.

Here is where a bald eagle landed I mean *directly* above me yesterday. Nugget liked this one.

Big news, everyone. In 2026 the Modernist Poem we all Find Amusing is "The Emperor of Ice Cream." Adjust your skeets accordingly

whooooa having one of those “isn’t it crazy that all this could end today is we made congress want it over bad enough” seizures hahaha hahaha HAHA it’s CHRISTMAS it’s CHRISTMAS!!

Downloaded 56 out of 653 photos. I’ll probably share 8. That is how it works, those of you who kindly suggest my photo skills are improving.

No one has ever needed a foot rub more than I need a foot rub.

[faceplant]

Simply Having A wonderful

Now that I’m driving home it occurs that my body is fucking killing me. It has been close to a year since I hiked like this.

also honestly a little gratifying to know I was nowhere NEAR where I should have been this morning; id rather have a clean miss all around than just leave too soon

I saw one 😍

Take all my bones out Wash bones Scrub and wring out muscles and stuff; dry flat Put bones back in; remember padding and oil

Tough to believe it’s already 1:00AM

@502eire.lol just got around to the mailbox; another home run card. I still have last years on my fridge; I adore it.

I have no idea how boxing matches happen but I gather it been a pretty big weekend for little turds who have no business in the ring getting their asses beat, so good job, whoever.

I’m gonna try for the owls again tomorrow.

Obligatory: see The Awful Truth. She’s darling, and you’ll laugh so hard.

I have tickets to the Messiah Sing-A-Long Wednesday, as always, and can see myself just bursting into tears of incoherent misery and rage on the steps of the KenCen. Stay tuned, I guess.

I send many cards every year, and this is the first year I have return address labels, and I have not even started them yet.

Rolls of wrapping paper are fundamentally a poorly standardized product. There should be a “Smaller Gifts” roll that’s is not as tall. Sharks, just look at this waste and mess.

PSA if you’re my age do not attempt to wrap presents on the floor this year

This studio awards-season email is really matching the current mood in a way I’m not sure they intended.

I just opened a fortune cookie and there was no fortune in it. I just die now, I guess.

My man Manousos is gonna get to Carol Sturka not a minute too soon.

I am trying to get sick but I reject this. I revile and rebuke it. I cast it out.

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

I never saw Challengers because I need to be horny like I need a hole in the head.

Have I never seen Josh O’Connor in anything before? Is that possible? Twelve minutes into new Benoit and I …I love him.

I like that these janky Rankin & Bass holiday specials still run on network television. Burgermeister Meistrburger will sing and dance on my grave.

[insufficiently but with the heat of ten thousand blazing suns] that guy has gotta GO

To be honest, it actually ~bothers~ me when the only POTUS goes on television with the springs popping out of his brain. I find it unsettling.

I actually HATE how violently I laughed at this just now

I like how the mandatory aunt musical events are becoming easier to endure because the kids get better as we both get older.

Not to brag but just FYI my niece is the ONLY bassist in her orchestra and she is very brave and very cool. Beautiful also. 10/10 niece.

a woman who just remembered she is attending a middle-school orchestra concert this evening

Hey, remember how a few weeks ago this very cool community pulled together to help get sewing machines for some foster kids? We got a thank you note from Nadia!

I just preheated my oven forgetting I had a box of crackers stashed in there. I’m fully losing it.

In the history of social media no man has ever been feted like this. You never saw so many 😂😂😂 s in your life. The Oscar Wilde of his day. Also everyone rushed to give otter sightings with dates and times.

In one of my very gentle and wholesome local park and wildlife groups someone asked if the otters had been spotted lately and a man has replied “Nope, still just dark brown all over.” Chaos.

apologies to everyone who thought they had a coolass name but