what if you were a banana-headed boy who hated bananas. Torture. I’m glad Banao is okay

You know what is an actual abomination? Fruit sushi. And people act like it’s clever.

Tom, if there is one thing you should know about me, it’s that I truly hate it when bakers dress up their food like other food.

"Be quiet, I know what I'm doing!" - Lies down on couch at 4:45PM knowing I'll regret it until Sunday afternoon

When we when trivia we get to pick the first category for next week. Last week we picked Guys & Dolls, and a team said they had no interest in watching it but they did it as homework and really loved it. This week I picked Midnight Run, in the spirit of doing people a favor if they haven't seen it.

LMAO I can’t believe Dick Cheney dying is only the third best thing that happened today (Rebecca and me winning pub trivia was #1.)

any mway something I was just thinking about is how my sister and I together have beaten 10+ teams of 4-7 for two weeks in a row

I have a Teams meeting at 9am and as we all know in Tine Change Week it is currently midnight; good thing I got drunk

Oh no WE WON THE TRIVIA AGAIN ) ams I have had a few drinks MAY I POST GRAPHICALLY

“…don’t threaten me with a good time”, the terminally online genteel lady mumbles guiltily

Where were you when I rolled the pest fam of Yahtzee in the history of family game nights? (Hint: where are you right now?)

If there’s one thing I love it’s turning on my headlights at four fucking 40 p.m.

I brought my 3 (three!) thriving, many-hours-of-direct-sunlight-on-the-patio plants inside a few weeks ago and it is becoming clear that I have no idea what I am doing. I have never overwintered a plant in my life, mostly because they've never survived this long before.

Rooting around in my top cabinets looking for something and have found three unopened honey bears, two unopened tins of ground pepper, and a box of freezer bags that were on my shopping list for today. The worst part of this is that I do, in fact, usually make a list.

“Half the day is gone” and it’s not yet nine, this is intolerable. I am going to be disoriented for a month.

fffffuuuuuck

HBP 🙏 HBP 🙏 HBP

oh my christ God did not give us the extra hour for this

Shockingly bad hair

Many many people say we should get away with daylight savings time and they’re all wack. What we should actually do is always spring forward, fall back by 15 minutes, and every 4years take a mulligan and reset

Spending the afternoon and evening constantly thinking “that’s where the sun will be at [one hour earlier] tomorrow” is like a death ritual.

$5 Farmers Market flowers >>>

I forgot to rabbit rabbit in October and that’s why it was unbearable apologies to all

rabbit rabbit

leaving that ball alone the play of the game

the script of these games have been honestly unbelievable

ouch

This technical challenge is carnage. Worst semifinalist round I’ve ever seen (complimentary)

I finally finished The Only Good Indians, which I admired more than I liked, and started The Troop, which so far is a BANGER. Very old school horror novel, bless.

help my dead brain and tell me what I want for lunch

60 percent of republican discourse now is like "why are you talking about nazis? that stuff is so played out and you're an NPC if you think it isn't. it actually threatens my family when you say stuff like this." and the other 40 percent is "hello. I am Hitler."

Cigarettes used to be cheap enough that you could give a whole pack out to each trick or treater instead of just one or two loosies. Failed fucking empire

It's fun to be a member of probably the only species that has to like actively make an effort not to hurt itself by like, standing, or sitting, or basically just existing at all

[stakes an adamantium position in an absolutely disgusting debate] this man definitely will give you HPV; Luigi is a sweetie

new Lynley novel out psa

why do all my most concentrated efforts at becoming less emotionally unhinged involve dropping 100 bucks at the bookstore

where was my medical teams ten years ago when people were handing out opiates like chiclets id like to know

thinking about him* again *Jack Callaghan, my fake comatose fiancé’s nice brother who makes furniture

once again one is forced to ask why not just go to bed at 6 pm there’s no reason not to

God grant me the strength not to do professional crimes on a day I have a fasting blood draw *at 3 pm*

WE WON PUB TRIVIA

Yesterday at my annual gyno visit she asked me if I like my PCP which I had never considered in such a simple formulation, and my immediate “No! Im scared of her and she doesn’t like me” was a real eye-opener seven years in.

[looks and feels like absolute shit despite getting into bed at like 8:35pm ET] oh, um, I also hate the Dodgers?

Seriously considering brushing my teeth, washing my face and going to bed starting right now

Area Woman Used to Be Fun and Smart but Now She Can’t Do Anything Right

My niece is forking up spaghetti wearing a ball gown and a full face of zombie makeup. It is….off-putting.

Started Slow Horses as originally intended and I was in love with this man running through the airport before the opening credits hit.

yep they are invasive and noisy but when the white tips come in for the fall molt they are an absolutely stunning bird

I was going to start Slow Horses, which I hear is very fun, but I obviously have become sidetracked by the very dumb but slick-looking movie about a Con Air plane crashing in Alaska.