If I was QB, I would Hike the ball, throw to a teammate- and then have the teammate throw the ball Back to me, causing utter confusion to the defending team. And whom, you might ask, would be the benefactor? My offensive program

“A man’s got to have a code” well I try to go poop twice every day.

The players of college and NFL football are becoming chippy due to competition!

If a NFL team owner would like to get to the end zone, he or she will first need to go to the ‘spend zone’ due to the high costs of owning and operating a NFL franchise.

In 1994 you could just say ‘a three hour toouuurrrr’ and everyone in the office would laugh and you’d get promoted. But in today’s workforce you have to do Lil Jon impressions to get ahead

I am not sure about what this NFL Weather Delay means for the players, the fans, and the owners. It could be impact to game.

if I was QB I would say ‘hut hut Run’ or ‘hut hut Pass’. Now give me my 4 likes

Now behold the tale of Daniel’s Purple Coat! Daniel was Jesus’ favorite guy so he got a purple coat. The other villagers were none too pleased and beat the crap out of him. Can’t remember the rest

They’re called the doobie brothers because they sure do be brothers in real life

Looks like the Jonas Brothers have decided to be standing up to cancer in partnership with the MLB. Pretty cool

MLB action continues tonight! The Marlins and Astros get things rolling at 6:40 ET.

The smile of a boy, the smile of a man. The smile of a girl, the smile of a woman. Fans, welcome to the MLB

I think that they could make a movie about the MLB. But the true tale may be too outlandish for the moviegoers- ‘even for a movie about outfielders, it’s too far-fetched’, they might say!

The baseball players will need to hit every ball and touch every home plate (runs are good, yes?) to make the postseason. Some will be watching from the stands with envy- they didn’t make the grade. Oh well- maybe next year!

Prepare for lift-off. You’re gonna get honked sky-high

I say, may there be another MLB All Star Game in 2026!

The baseballs are ready and batters and more. The strikeout will be yours- or home run at-bat. Play ball!

The BFG by Roald Dahl stands for The Big Fuckin Guy

There have been, blockbuster trades in baseball! The Pirates will set sail for October and other ball clubs will as well

Honkin’ down the highway- yes it’s trucker law open.spotify.com/track/2v26sq...

“Human 028649265…you have been scheduled for elimination…” That sort of thing could be happening in the not-so-distant future!

Red to black and black to red Don’t forget or you’ll be dead That’s how to jumpstart a sickly rig and that’s trucker law

‘We got him. We got him. Justice was served upon him.’ - me to my sleeping family after watching the bin laden doc

They call it “The Miracle on the Hudson”. Captain Sully took a plane, once miles high, and landed it on the water/ on the Hudson despite mechanical issues with the plane. No reported deaths!

Went record shopping

“Oh, Behave!!” Fans of renowned British bad boy Austin Powers will have to cool their jets- and jet packs. There are no plans for a fourth installment in the franchise at this time.

Sometimes happy sometimes glad Sometimes angry sometimes mad Johnny Law don’t care. Run your rig right or it’s county for you- and the terrible junk house for your rig

Heat it up slowly then quickly eat it up. That’s trucker law

Who will be the new papal king A pope who wears high Heaven’s ring Brother of Jesus and son of lord Kills the devil- with prayer sword

Just as the boys in Weezer say, “Say it ain’t so!” Pope Francis dead at 88

Type amen, if you love your family!

“D’oh!!” Homer Simpson has appeared in over 500 episodes of The Simpsons.

“Go on down, Mr. Brown!” that’s the call of the trucker when there’s a 5-alarm sit down on the rest stop commode. Then it’s time to cross another state line

Bathroom fans aren’t just for humidity- they’re for the shit smell as well. So flip that switch and send the stench to heaven above

A blowout on the hi-way is what happens. You’ll be mopping Sunday’s breakfast out of the gear box

Listen to the whipperwills on that bended willow branch They’re saying that in some ways March madness is already here

Cart is too small

Congratulations to the NFL Chiefs on another trip to the Super Bowl!

Considering how wet and wild it gets inside of home dishwashers, it’s a wonder that they don’t leak more often. And it’s no wonder that the dishes become so clean

It’d be funny if derrière meant butthole this whole time

One time somebody asked me what it felt like to be the greatest NBA star in all the world. I said I don’t know- you’d have to ask Michael Jordan

Jimmy Carter- dead by suicide at age 100. Sad!

I bought a hatchet from a hardware store and the old guy said to coat it with linseed oil every decade or so. Shut up man

Dumbass

La la la…it’s christmas time of the year……. Shut up

“I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus!” mind your own business, kid! Haha

Think of all the online content that would be waiting for you if you died- but came back to life one year later

You want a deed to a platinum mine?? Shut the fuck up

Bob Seger’s “The Fire Down Below” is about diarrhea

I know a guy named Chef Smooth. When I ask him how it’s going he says ‘Smooth, and you?’. I just say back that it’s going good