Being brought into the principal’s office and being shown that a bunch of 38 year olds on a website you’ve never been on approve of you punching a kid.

They’re calling it the baldest coaching staff in NFL history, folks.

Torrent Of Soap Issues From Wildly Unexpected Part Of Dispenser https://theonion.com/torrent-of-soap-issues-from-wildly-unexpected-part-of-d-1819574504/

bro this lady on Jeopardy was deep in third place going into Final Jeopardy, and she didn’t know the answer so she just wrote “i hope they both bet it all” and the other two guys fucking bet it all and got it wrong and she won

do not disturb

playstation has announced that the 2026 state of play is montana

college basketball is kind of like methadone for football fans

ohhh THAT'S why they brought in bill belichick

bill self? what, do i owe me money?

every mock draft i've seen since dante moore announced his return to oregon has the jets taking arvell reese but i've seen very little indication he's a good fit in the style of defense aaron glenn wants to play

heathcliff is a natural poster

fuck yes lmao

feeling a surprising amount of pride for my guys

drake maye seeing ghosts

woke 2 is here to stay

good luck to my guys sam darnold and leonard "big cat" williams

Never Forget

this is why i always go without

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yeah I got rizz. I got Rizzoli & Isles on my damn TV screen!

been waitin' all week for whiskey friday with toney dokoupil

seems like the mongolians came to the winter olympics with the ability to cast haste, gravity, and meteor this year, what a huge advantage

i see the good folks at the olympics did not watch severance

sick class

perfect video game

it's pretty simple - polymarket and kalshi have to go

i'm the guy who makes sure todd grantham's wikipedia page is current with his newest gig every offseason

oh damn this really works

INBOX: Washington Post Ukraine Correspondent Lizzie Johnson announces that she has been laid off in the middle of a below-freezing war zone without power, heat, or running water.

"the team will need an interim head coach when i'm fired in october"

cat(?)

He bet on himself… and won!

i got a sneak preview of the statement he’s putting out and he’s gonna announce that he’s an ardent Hoxhaist. he says that Albania after 1953 was the only true socialist state in existence

today punxsutawney phil emerged from his slumber bearing tentacles around his mouth and ascended to the heavens in front of a stunned crowd. six more years of winter.

'measles outbreak at the child prison' seems entirely avoidable, it's really the kind of thing that only happens if you do several unthinkably evil things on purpose all at once

"i am both the step dad and the dad who stepped up"

aides for the president having to warn oval office guests not to visibly react if he shits himself during the press conference for three whole years

okay i was one word off

they fired me for googling Jon Arbuckle from the work wifi "you should already know about him"

twilight imperium

chili con gragulations

At 7:00 pm eastern I'm gonna do a little fundraiser thing where I play Wii golf on Twitch and you consider giving to Safe Haven MN, a group helping people released from ICE detention centers who are discharged with no phone, ID, transportation, or resources. www.gofundme.com/f/safe-haven...

hell yeah

what's that sound?

Stop funding the "federal government"

One of the hardest things to explain to people who aren’t here is the very real feeling that we are in a war against the federal government. Not only are we occupied by unaccountable armed, masked paramilitaries, but we are constantly aware our neighbors might be abducted in the blink of an eye.

i didn't even know he was sick