when the organization for the prohibition of chemical weapons tried to give me their 2013 nobel peace prize because they like my standup i turned it down but i guess that's why i'm not the president.

painting a tunnel on a wall so ice crash into the wall, luring ice to the end of a cliff and then cutting it off with a handsaw, tricking ice into lighting their asses on fire instead of a dynamite fuse,

a reality competition show where like a dozen aspiring actors move into a house together and compete for a chance to join the skarsgård family

2016 was the year i took two iconic photos in my friend's kitchen in dc and then i moved to new york city to pursue my dream of looking like total shit

Aware that he only had a few months left to live the great Mike Davis gave one of his final interviews to the Guardian in 202. "You’ve been organizing for social change your whole life. How do you deal with a future that feels so bleak?" Lois Beckett asked.

picturing him doing the second part in the homer simpson stage whisper

I am obsessed with the Eminem AI posts now. It’s crazy

don't know why but a stray thought i had during marty supreme is that one of the safdies should work with tobey maguire on something

lmao this is such a @yourkickstartersucks.com -assed idea

i am introducing a bill that requires all members of ice to remove their masks and wear full joker facepaint instead

Alas, I have become what I most feared: ten draculas.

this might seem stupid but there is a precedent for this — younger people might not remember back in the '90s when they used to do "dan rather's heroin corner"

it's a beautiful day here in portland oregon

dilbert shouldve hooped instead of tryna kill ppl cause he tall as hell

big day for my semi-legal side business where i make funerary urns shaped like dilbert's head

if he weren't actually evil i think eric adams would be my favorite guy

the democrats are right we should focus on kitchen table issues. for example there is a guy at my kitchen table who wants to shoot me in the face with a gun

imagine being robert loggia. you're a guy from staten island but you have the voice of some of kind of mythological lava monster.

christ, 26 years old. he was 20 when schlagenheim came out. we lost a huge talent far too soon. rip.

that is not the point of the department of homeland security. do you think i'm fucking stupid.

i don't know about you guys but the main thing that i'm worried about right now is tren de aragua the venezuelan gang that i have never heard of in any context except when the government is lying about someone whose rights they violated

ok folks let's hear it: i wanna know your favorite type of paint to drink

slowing down the footage and being like "oh see look his feet are planted in front of the car here" like you're debating a charging call in an nba game

she turned her car into a weapon. that's why the brave officer tactically murdered that lady. he saw the little "weapon mode" light come on. i don't know why honda pilots even have that feature tbh.

there is no reason for ICE to exist. immigrants aren’t doing anything wrong by trying to live and work and provide for their loved ones. I don’t care how people got here. if they want to be here that’s good. leave them alone.

hey i just wanna wish everybody a very happy we are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine and the machine is bleeding to death

all the comments on facebook rn just a bunch of these guys going "sHe WaS tRyInG tO rUn HiM oVeR"

if jesse watters wants to talk to her so bad why doesn't he just sneak into her garage and let the air out of her car's tires so that she'll have to get a ride from him

is that ark of the covenant still sittin around in a warehouse cause i have an idea

even if the car is coming straight at you how is shooting the driver at point-blank range "self-defense?" great you killed the driver. now what numbnuts you still have a car coming straight at you.

I need people to wrap their minds around the fact that here in Minneapolis, ICE broke the window of a vehicle yesterday, pepper sprayed the occupants, and arrested them, and shot another observer in the face today, and OBSERVERS ARE STILL GOING OUT TO PROTECT THEIR NEIGHBORS AT MASSIVE PERSONAL RISK

Every second the murderer is not arrested is another second for feds to hide him in a place that would create a jurisdictional fight. He's on video killing a person. You have to arrest this guy an hour ago, but you might still have time now.

Been rewatching Golden Girls. Grew up with the dub, it's crazy how different the sub is.

The text faded to the paywall at the same rate as my eyes would have glazed over anyway

i wouldn't say "best" necessarily but the final episode of win ben stein's money where the contestants teamed up and broke all of ben stein's bones with hammers was iconic for sure

If you have time to doom scroll, you have time to read books!

minnesota twins: check this out motherfucker [they sign a 31-year-old shortstop who batted .202 for an ops of .530 last season, it's not clear what kind of move they were trying to do]

this completely fucked up my day

the punisher vs ice

i thought i couldn't hate llms more and then elon turned grok into a cry-laughing emoji guy

Could an empire in decline do THIS? *launches deeply unpopular invasion cementing status as lunatic-led pariah state, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do*

what trump's government has done here is horrible but you do have to give them a lot of credit for not accidentally adding the editor of the atlantic to the planning groupchat this time

In a statement, an emotional Grok told me it was "shaken" by the revenge porn it had generated. "It's not epic, and not based," Grok said. "It's neither. Frankly, it's cringe. And gay." An emailed request for comment to X received an auto-reply of a rofl emoji and a custom swastika emoji.

charlie manson brown. could be interesting. real test for lucy's psychiatric talents. he sends peppermint patty and pigpen out on a creepy crawl and lucy wakes up to find her football slashed open and pinned to the wall with PIGGIES written in dirt. records a couple decent demo tracks with schroeder

the yeerks from animorphs were supposed to be dutch right

every robbery crew has a psycho guy who totally sucks. if you're in a robbery crew and you don't know who the psycho guy who totally sucks is well guess what you are the psycho guy who totally sucks.

when they wanna jack off in canada they log on to gordhub dot com

Stranger Things Season 5 "Chapter Eight: The Rightside Up". Directed by The Duffer Brothers

ok 2026 all i want from you is a massive organized labor backlash against the billionaire class and ween to announce another tour

wtf man this guy is barely able to talk