I’ve lived in rural towns of 2,000 people and cities of more than 1 million people. I’ve never encountered such vibes-based business as I have in my current town of 60,000.

As we mourn Rob Reiner, don’t skip this: he was, pretty much, personally responsible for overturning California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage. www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/bus...

Princess Bride and Stand By Me are pure movie perfection. Insanely sad to hear about Rob Reiner and his wife Michele. May their memories be a blessing

I have a joke about Pandora, but I'm not holding out any hope you'll get it.

Fifty years ago, she was the queen of Philly nightlife and the city’s most famous transgender woman. Today, Rachel Billebault, once known around the world as Harlow, is finally ready to tell her story. 🔗 www.inquirer.com/life/a/har...

I made more money than my husband the entire time we were dating and my favorite thing was taking us out to a fancy dinner every now and again. Life is a rich tapestry! Also, what are my odds on this guy also having OPINIONS on "gold-diggers"?

Also, if it is performative, who cares?? People reading is a good thing, god forbid they read in a way that inexplicably annoys you, personally.

The Hurl of Sandwich. The defendant walked free, with a rye smile on his face. Despite grilling him, the prosecution was unable to summon the special sauce needed to get a conviction. Their case was toast from the beginning. And thus a hero was born. I'm sorry. I'm trying to delete this

If the sandwich don’t split, you must acquit

Spooky cat says “Happy Halloween!” Also probably “I hate this, please desist,” but who can say for sure?

I can't begin to explain what it's like here. So I won't bother.

On “youthful” and “joking” Nazi bullshit since apparently we’re still Doing This captainawkward.com/2018/02/26/1...

Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."

I will give $100 and a firm handshake to the person who teaches my boss how to take a screenshot in a way that sticks. LOVE to go on a wild goose chase over what sounds like a major website malfunction only to find that he's explained it badly and it's actually the website functioning as intended.

I promise, pinky-swear: you are not prepared.

;)

Guess who was the best baby in the world and did NOT try to bite the vet today?

Oh no, the Reddit Science Understanders found my humorous comment, send help.

Austin! Lost dog has been found. Whose cute little boy is this? Found in the Highland Hills area. 6-8 years old. Chip lead to a previous owner that had surrendered him. Who is missing their boy??? Austin, do your thing and spread the word.

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work theonion.com/relaxin...

Explain your @: my college nickname that I cling to because it’s the first time anyone ever gave me a nickname.

Another banger answer from Google AI.

[Exit King.]

Me, sexily watching “The Tudors” and waiting for my husband to ask a question so I can talk at length about what happened differently in real life.

Apropos of, well, a lot, a year ago I was on vacation and told my taxi driver that I was from Texas. "Oh, with that huge illegal problem???" he asked excitedly, and seemed a little shocked when my answer was "what? no." It's been said before, but we really are living in two separate realities now.

"LOL, it's weird that we still have the amendment against quartering," I said way back in middle school, little knowing that it would become relevant decades later.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve had to sit in a mechanic’s waiting room with my cats, I’d have ten cents, etc etc.

I thought classical music pieces had different versions in separate keys, because why make the distinction otherwise? Spent part of my adolescence wondering why everyone picked the same key every time and where Beethoven’s Pathétique in G major was.

For reasons that aren’t important, I checked into a fancy downtown hotel carrying a juicer this weekend and the theater kid in me hopes that a new urban legend, the Lady Who’s Really Into Juice, has been born.

Look upon my works, ye mighty, unless next week is better for you, we could do it then, I'm good either way...

My kingdom for a cat that can connect the dots between “eating packing tape” and “vomiting copiously.”

I wonder if it's considered petty/bitchy to become Pope Whatever II. There are so few one-off Pope names, does taking that away from someone come off as desperate or one-upping? Ha. Quite literally "one-upping."

free movie idea: "The Thing II: Conclave." the thing is cloistered with a bunch of cardinals and is copying them. we have to stop it, but which cardinal is it? most importantly of all: we can't let it become pope

My boss lives for puns and wordplay but I don’t often partake. However, during a meeting today, Boss: That reminds me, I have a botanical anecdote to share. Me: A botanic-dote, if you will. The team descended into chaos. It wasn’t even that funny. I felt like a god.

Hey, you know how Apple makes SE models for when you want a basic phone/watch and you don't need all the bells and whistles? Whatever automaker comes up with that for cars is going to get a LOT of my money.

What if Elon is the first autistic person RFK has ever actually met and that’s why he assumes we don’t pay taxes or go on dates

I love my ThermaPen thermometer more than I love some of my family, but I cannot swear my undying fealty until they make a version for leftys.

Every month, I purchase a BIPOC/LGBTQ+ title from my local library's wish list. This month's book: the complete "Poppy War" trilogy by @rfkuang.bsky.social. Support your local library! See if they have their own wish list!

The Plantagenet dynasty baybeeeeee

Happy Trans Day of Visibility! In honor of this auspicious day, join me in supporting your favorite trans-oriented charity. Mine is: www.thetrevorproject.org

I wish there was some way to stop companies posting ghost jobs on LinkedIn. I’ve been getting one spammed at me for over a month now, and despite it being a “new listing,” it’s the exact same position that I (very well qualified to do it!) applied to.

WHATEVER THEY'RE PAYING THE ASSASSIN'S CREED SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER ITS NOT ENOUGH

I’ll admit I have a run-on sentence problem, but my boss is my worst enabler. At the end of the editing process I’ll sit and stare at these paragraph-long sentences that have clauses for days and wonder what diagramming them would look like.

Me in the National Security team group chat

One year ago today. Love you, grandma.

I'm keeping tabs on how Texas agencies will respond to Friday's legal opinion from the Attorney General ordering them to reverse trans people's drivers licenses and birth certs changed by court orders. If your DL gets modified or you have difficulty renewing, please reach out to me here or on signal

For heaven’s sake, Republicans are already trying to shut the government down. The stakes have never been lower for Democrats to call that bluff and they still keep farting around.