If you post "Saw a post that said ________" instead of reposting that post you saw, you're the generative AI of social media. If you like it enough to mention it, just repost and give that person credit. Don't be a filthy thief. People spend valuable time on the toilet coming up with this stuff.

If you see this, share a smile.

Every billboard on the way into San Francisco is "Check out how your company can work without humans." and it's unsettling.

My husband put on a Richard Cheese album, so he must be trying to seduce me.

Watched STREAM last night and it's chock full of scream Queens and Kings, including Dee Wallace & Jeffrey Combs. It's B movie horror delight. My husband's favorite part was when Mark Holton's (aka Francis Buxton to most) character was stabbed and I shouted, "Pee-Wee sends his regards!!"

Separate bedrooms are the best. My husband can enjoy having the heat on in his room, while perimenopause & I have my window open all winter.

Celebrating the birth of a statutory r*pe baby by giving each other presents just seems weird af to me.

🎶 Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

Craving Fig Newtons, like some kind of psychopath.

Please remember to not drive like an impatient asshole out there these next couple of days. You don't want to get into an accident and ruin Christmas for your whole family or someone else's.

Holiday ACAB: All Customers Are Bastards

I need the jaws of life to cut through my Christmas tension.

I don't like Christmas. It's an emotionally wretched time of year for me. It's not jolly. It's not joyful. It's just traumatic.

Doing romantic stuff in the car, like singing along with Skullcrusher Mountain together.

Inside the Actor's Studio, but it's David Cross and Will Ferrell both dressed as James Lipton and interviewing each other.

My festive eye twitch has started.

Had a dream about the person who posted awful pics of me on HotorNot, ruined most of my friendships with lies, and soiled my reputation at a previous job. I woke up happy that he died 2 years ago. Be a better brother-in-law than he was.

The older my husband gets, the more he wakes up sounding like 80s Bobcat Goldthwait for about an hour every morning.

Thinking about the time I cried so hard during a video game that I had to put my controller down for a couple of days. Gears of War 3. Those "Mad World" notes started and I was an emotional wreck.

All I want… youtu.be/bhUHJATUYpw?...

There'll be so many people waiting to drop a deuce on it that they'll need to put a waiting room next to his grave.

Client: [swears] Oh, Pardon my French. Me: It’s okay. I parlez-vous a little myself.

Was not expecting to go through 3 Kleenex while watching the DOOM PATROL series finale, but it punched me right square in the feels.

Social media is a great place if you enjoy strangers telling you that your real life experiences never happened.

If you swap out the pools for cubicles, being a dolphin or orca at SeaWorld is similar to working in an office.

Watching The Muppet Movie as an adult, I respect the decision of Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem to buy a church and want to repurpose it as a business that would actually pay taxes.

Tangerine is my favorite Christmas movie.

I've been congested, coughing, and generally ill since Thanksgiving. My December has been a lot of being in bed and my husband taking care of me, which would be more enjoyable if I wasn't sick.

My mother and I have a "Don't ask, Don't tell" relationship. She don't ask about me or my life and I don't tell her.

Started DOOM PATROL yesterday and am obsessed with Larry's jacket. I want it for Christmas.

Trump is a great president the way the Great Depression was a great depression

Not the day I was hoping for but also not the life I was expecting

Decisions, decisions...

Rosaries, crystals, cross necklaces...it's all magical ideation. The worst is when those people assume responsibility for your efforts. "I was praying/manifesting that this would happen for you!!" and I'm like, "Fck off, I worked for it."

Congested, so I took some Mucinex and now I speak Xenomorph every time I breathe.

Feeling sick in a "Please just kill me" kind of way.

I love the movie Mystery Men and I love that every time I rewatch it my husband calls me Kielbasanova Frankenstein for a few days.

I'd rather wear your heart on my sleeve.

My coping mechanisms need lube

My husband talks to himself while he cooks and just heard him say "That's not rice!" in a Kevin Meaney voice and fell in love a little more.

Plenty of Monty Python sketches still hold up. I know I'd rather let someone in to burgle the place than open the door for a salesman. At least the burglar would be in a hurry to leave.

🎶 Chair Company... til the day I die...

Looking at avocados and wondering if Godzilla's nutsack is smooth or bumpy.

Monday is Mondaying like a MFer.

Not a government per se so much as a pay-to-play business venture.

We didn't have much money when I was a kid. I remember going to a friend's house and they had toys from the latest Sears Christmas Wish Book and it was equivalent to meeting a celebrity.

Thinking about that time we visited family in Michigan for the holidays and I went to school with a cousin for the day and her teacher had the students ask me questions like I was the 5th grade ambassador of Oregon.

I met my husband online around this time 26 years ago. Back when you just flew to meet someone and crossed your fingers that you wouldn't end up buried along the I-5.

Slept in until 11:30 when I'm usually awake by 8. My husband was starting to worry that he was about to be single again.

Airplane! is a Thanksgiving movie.