Rainy nights make me feel all soft and romantic.

*checking my drafts folder like a refrigerator that I know has nothing good*

I quit smoking cigarettes 15 years ago. Congratulations to you if you quit this week or this month or in the last year. It gets easier. Easier to breathe, easier to laugh without coughing, and easier to say no to cravings. 🚭❤️

My husband and I celebrate our love 24/7/365 for 26 years and counting. I love this dude so much. ❤️

Working on a Saturday that happens to be Valentine's Day and finding out there are a lot of sour people doing their taxes today.

My Valentines are the people who text me back within 10 minutes. Love you forever ❤️

I've got whatever the opposite of a green thumb is. I bet I could somehow kill a Lego plant out of neglect or overwatering.

The creamer went bad so I had to drink instant coffee this morning. Friday the 13th stabbed me right in the heart.

For the people who hoped to be proposed to during Christmas or New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day will likely bring you more disappointment.

Violets are blue and Roses are red...

The classic question: am I weird or are you dumb and boring?

Would love to let the Epstein victims administer the punishment to their predators. I'd pay to see that.

Sensitive skin is hell. Every time I change a soap, laundry detergent, or fabric softener my epidermis says, "New brand? We better have a rash about it."

Sipping coffee, thinking about the Epstein files, and dreaming of an America that doesn't protect rich criminals.

Cozy Sunday at home binging some X-Files, enjoying some snacks, and going braless under a hoodie. Feels like a win.

Laying in bed at 10:30 on a Saturday night because I've apparently become my Grandparents. No complaints.

My body is a finely tuned instrument and that instrument is a Muppaphone.

“If elected I will make them all curl up in a prison cell and cry like bitches” that’s what I want to see from you guys

Imagining Ellen Ripley at an annual company meeting having to listen to two people from the finance department sing a parody of Islands in the Stream: 🎶 Weyland-Yutani That is what we are There's nowhere in space That we don't belong Sail away for me to another world....."

Them: Where did your interest in kinks begin? Me:

Post your favorite “lord of the rings” character. Wrong answers only

I was cut from a different, less absorbent, cloth.

Seeing some critical thinking and deductive reasoning faltering in coworkers that have been using ChatGPT for the last year. AI is eating their brains.

The new Muppet Show ep was good and hit a lot of nostalgic notes, but also it was like making carnival funnel cake at home. The atmosphere was a little off.

Watching X-Files my 1st time through and season 4 episode 8 when Skinner is shirtless and his pants are mostly undone while he's handcuffing that guy to the balcony....that's some too hot for TV action. 🔥🥵

Saw The Thing on my lavash, so pretty sure there's 6 more weeks of the worst shit imaginable.

Was asked (again) if I have an nsfw page. Fellas, I'm an old fashioned gal. I don't post nudes. I text them.

My Maga Mom blocked me on social media yesterday. Sometimes the garbage takes itself out.

Seeing a copious amount of live comedy this month is keeping me sane.

Sucks waking up every morning in a country run by a lecherous and treacherous criminal in an adult diaper who needs constant reassurance from other pedo protectors that he's being a good president boy.

These days, when people talk about an "O-face," they're referring to Ozempic.

It's doomsday o'clock somewhere

Me: [woke up with allergy symptoms] Husband: You should probably call out from work, have edibles, and watch X-Files in bed all day. Me: [see above]

So what are The Anonymous up to now? Can they get the Epstein files and release them? Hacktivist that list.

I don't want to be talking about this shit every day. I want to write dumb little dick jokes and try and make my friends laugh. It pisses me off these monsters are forcing these conversations.

My Maga Mom texted my brother that she thinks "Trump's doing a good job considering what he's dealing with" and it makes me wish that during birth I'd have burst out of her chest like a Xenomorph.

bilf (book i’d like to finish)

Having to stand at a 3 hr concert means leaving at around 2 hrs thinking, "I can YouTube this later...."

i can’t say a lot of the things i wanna say but just know im thinking them

Every time we drive into San Francisco I'm never prepared for the rotten toilet stench when you hit the Embarcadero. 🤢

Lots of folks hoping for a Succession Logan Roy plane incident, but I'm crossing fingers for more of a Handmaid's Tale Commander's flight situation.

*wears pentagram into church for protection*

Been emotionally hibernating for 2 days to save up energy for the 4 days in a row of socializing I'm about to do. Introvert math.

A favorite genre of social media interaction: POST: Sometimes I just want to forget everything and have fun on social media. REPLY: No. Things are very grim right now. You must suffer at all times.

this *is* my positive voice

Sometimes I get a random word stuck in my head. Today it was "Gorn", so my brain has been popping off like: Gorn Free, Natural Gorn Killers, The Gorn Identity, Gorn Between Two Lovers, Gorn Again Christian, Grab the Bull by the Gorns, Honk if you're Gorny, and so on..... This ever happen to you?

Talking about politics with people IRL is wonderful because there are no trolls or bots showing up to tell me I have TDS or that I should kms.