[ Captain's last known words, spoken as she rerouted all non-vital power to the ship's thrusters. ]

“fOr cHaRLiE”

Sometimes I walk into my office and I'm like, "what the fuck, I don't remember looking at porn," before realizing I just left my reference images open again

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A FUCKING MEME THIS SHIT IS REAL WHAT THE FUCK

Dopamine? [shakes brain] Spare dopamine?

Literally the last person that should be allowed to insult anyones intelligence

The primal urge to make friends with ravens and raccoons vs. don't fuck with wild animals

it's a time of monsters; the grungler has become the grunglest

Still possibly the greatest title drop in video games

I didn't realize aeromorph was a thing, but like, obviously it is. My first thought: "Damn, they must love Transformers!" My second thought: "There are no doubt Transformers haters who believe Seekers are abominations."

prepping to get myself in the top 10 influential accounts on bluesky

taking tylenol PM so i am only autistic at night

It's literally a tantrum if you read it in the whiniest Cartman voice

The rankings tell us that foot fetish videos outperform art. I don't know what else to tell you.

Yes, conservatives have been using a lot of "they did this" talk right now that's dangerous and bad And also Nice to know they're perfectly capable of using they/them pronouns after all.

I think we're reaching the point where we can pour more absurdity into fiction on account of how absurd reality has become. We've shifted the median point for suspension of disbelief.

what an amazing time for an escalator to become stairs

one less thing i need to pick up at the grocery store

Nintendo should definitely sue DHS for using the Pokémon theme song and images to make a video about catching human beings.

what you need to know about mark zuckerberg is that he's a guy who, upon hearing the word as a precocious 9 year old, decided that it would be cool to be in a triumvirate (you get two bros to hang out with, girls have to listen to you, etc) and that has informed every decision the man has made since

Do you consciously keep mental track of the various ways in which people speak/move? Like, every time someone talks, it gets checked against the existing data to help interpret? And you have a natural internal response, but no external one, so you just sort of perform the response?

The Intestine Interrogator

lifting her gf failed successfully

Releasing some Patreon comics over the next few days.

I tried to up my autism power level and now my doctor is telling me that my liver is gone. It's just...gone.

if you’re not calling bullshit on obvious lies what is the point of being a journalist

There's a message on that smart watch! ENHANCE

i think i'm in the wrong timeline, JD

“where’d that bruise come from” and other adhd tales

Alternatively, if it's me and you'd rather not do that, you can just tell me I'm annoying! It's okay! I'd rather not bother someone. I have social anxiety and I'm a little awkward when it comes to text-based communication, so I welcome people just telling me if something's wrong.

Assuming a functioning government, this shit should be illegal. Politicians outright lying to voters or misleading them about what they supported/signed/voted for corrodes trust. People doing it should be removed from office.

Aside from just how fucked up and problematic this is: the stadium has a capacity of 63,400. These numbers suggest that, not only was the stadium completely full, but nearly 4x that many people were also, what, amassed around the stadium? They clearly weren't just counting likely attendees.

ATTENTION PARENTS: is your child texting about the Rapture? KNOW THE SIGNS: LOL: left on land WTF: where’s the family ROFL: rapture only for losers OMG: oh ma geddon

"It's over Kaiba! I play Thoughtcast. Thanks to my Ancient Gear monsters, I only have to tap one ritual summon to pay the mana cost. Now I get to draw three—" "Stop right there, Yugi! I tap two trap cards to cast Abrade, destroying your Ancient Gear Dragon!"

God, I need another season of this beautiful work

tylenol… grassy knolls… what is it about nols and the Kennedys

the gender of the day is serj tankian making dolphin sounds

The tonal shift on this site regarding that "solving autism" shit was crazy. Everyone went from "Oh no. They're gonna start eugenics..." to "FUCKING TYLENOL???" in a way that'd probably be comical if we weren't living in the Hell Year that is 2025.

What if the rapture does happen, but it's just the earth farting? It just gives a little toot, says, "excuse me," and keeps on spinning.

"It's over Kaiba! I play Thoughtcast. Thanks to my Ancient Gear monsters, I only have to tap one ritual summon to pay the mana cost. Now I get to draw three—" "Stop right there, Yugi! I tap two trap cards to cast Abrade, destroying your Ancient Gear Dragon!"

look we must overcome our attachment to the body, and there's no quicker way to doing this than imagining RFK's body.

I have taken the Tylenol that was in the medicine cabinet and which they think probably is the reason you like trains forgive me but that’s bullshit you got autism from your dad

Trump: don’t take acepitoemponoene RFK Jr: *moth crawls out of mouth* A nude man is in the background, only referred to as “the colonel” Person watching on tv: well if they say so

Battle doomscrolling by posting 5 small pleasures in life: 1. Green monsters 2. Edibles 3. Those holiday reeses that are around the size of regular reeses, but have a better chocolate-pb ratio. 4. Showers 5. When my wife laughs

rapture thighs around my face, girl. i'm ready to meet god

Ya know, I take this as a given, but that probably is unwise. If it was a given, we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

Will you watch my days as they slip away Until that last breath, alone and gasping You could say I never found my place Searching for that final line to cross Where to turn and face all I have lost

Someone quoted a post about men doing morning exercise together and said it's the cure for male loneliness. Replies were disabled, so I hope you enjoy this summarized context I've provided (from my inside brain, none AI)!