Nice try, officer.

(ball-bearing bird intensifies)

hello do you like movies and films and such? I've started a movie night here in Melbourne town if that's your thing! www.instagram.com/monkeyshinesmovieclub

whenever i hear a gunshot or a sudden scream i always make a point of looking at the nearest clock or sundial and noting the time, keeping my gaze fixed firmly on the timepiece even as the bullets whiz by overhead and the blood pools about my ankles

I have never had to say that I don't support the White Australia policy, which feels pretty good. I mean, now I've brought it up I guess I should clarify that I do not support the White Australia policy.

Watching the two year old pour water on their bandaid in the bath saying "the water makes it better" yeah you'd think it would but it doesn't

It just suddenly struck me how incredibly funny this is, Asha Sharma coming into the office on her first day and writing "Fallout 5" on a whiteboard, people screaming, tables overturned, vomiting etc.

I don't think announcing Fallout 5 is news, you've been making Fallout 5 since Fallout 4 came out 11 years ago, the news would be if you weren't making it anymore

Nation. Of. Fkn. Cops.

Hey so did we do any backgrounding before signing Aukus or what?

i basically never play games on my pc but i still played grim dawn, it's great and runs on basically everything

jackie chan once kungfu kicked a bunch of guys through the backgound of my childhood, it makes me so happy

trying to tell people to watch an older movie you think they'll really enjoy so you recommend Midnight Run but you accidentally recommend Midnight Express.

saw a kid taking a basketball to school today and was reminded of the uniquely miserable experience of outdoor basketball in the cold

I love you.

Also: my favourite Possession anecdote from Sam Neill is that the vibe was so intense with Adjani and Zulawski that as soon as shooting finished each day he'd go back to his hotel room and lock himself in, get massively stoned and listen to Genesis on repeat

love on the tv show Alone when you have people signing up being like "the most important thing in my life is my family, i love them so much, i could not bear to be away from them even a minute" and just know they'll be destroyed by someone who is like "i can make my own god out of mud in the dark"

could not unhear this. sorry

They’re coming out with a shimmering object in the distance that you can barely make out

Going into a bar and ordering pints of Simple Syrup till I'm hyped up and impossible to deal with

Two year anniversary of when I first posted this comic

When you come up with a new character bit and nobody else is around to get you in trouble

it's not actually an honor to end up on the cover of Viziers Monthly. it shows your machinations aren't subtle enough

Pandemic? You mean Plandemic. Frying pan? Your mean frying Plan. My estranged son Daniel? You mean my estranged son Planiel.

If I have to know about Graham Platner then every American should have to know about Mark Latham. I’m not joking.

hey it's 2026, they closed the studio that made Doom, nah it wasn't for any reason they did it cos they think Doom sucks

RIP Derryn Hinch I bet everyone involved in this incident smelled like trash

I'm gonna try Faster Than The Speed Of Night and somebody will shoot me with a gun

Caves of Cerdon, Rhône Alpes, France. 1980s. 'A speleologist clearing the natural entrance.' www.grotte-cerdon.com/en/the-story...

i will make a promise to you right now that I will NEVER take Adelaide's peri-urban parks seriously

All medieval peasants have a Somerset accent but for some reason all town guards speak Estuary English.

hilariously i turns out i do get a tax reduction of ten bucks a fortnight in the new financial year, thanks for the magic help birdman

A man who publicly was doing something which, when done wrong, can cause graft-vs-host disease, an autoimmune disease which can attack, among other things, your GI tract, now has an autoimmune disease which is attacking his GI tract. What a coincidence.

Ur gonna watch me eat cabbage u gross little man

I may feel extreme irritation towards the US at all times, but never enough to support Belgians

every American has been sentenced to one viewing of Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles

[Job interview] Hiring manager: where do you see yourself in 5 years? My brain: Don't say driving a killdozer! Me: Driving a goaldozer through all of my challenges Hiring Manager: You're hired

been a long time since ive been so let down by somebody as that Pam The Bird guy bitching about paying taxes. goddamnit man you paint birds illegally on signs how much tax could you possibly pay?

No millennial is cool enough to justify being called "millennial". Our eyes should glow white and make people's heads explode and shit. Instead we just complain and remember Angry Beavers

i would also take two stars off if there was a big guy with a tiny little head in it

This song is not true, and also stupid

This song is not true, and also stupid

German guy in 1920: that's a terrible name for a business German guy in 1950: it's fine, let's stop brainstorming