I bet Hegseth can't even grow a beard

How about those Epstein Files

War-ravaged Portland

Currently a 25-minute wait for brunch in the crime-ridden hellhole of Portland.

So much fucking bullshit. It's a weak president who threatens the nation, not a strong one. Trump is a weakling, a coward, and a fool.

“War ravaged” Portland last month. Across the street from this amazing Indian restaurant: maruti-restaurant.com

Couldn't take Chicago, so he's going after Portland. Like a high school bully that got bodied by a wrestler so he tries to take it out on a theater kid. Pathetic.

For context, downtown Portland is quiet (to the point of being boring), kids are going back to school, food carts and coffee shops are busy, people are gardening and riding bikes. Yes, there's some homelessness, but I don't think these guys are coming to build housing.

2 years sober today. ❤️

Hey so I know I may have said this before but the Seattle Mariners

This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like. No seriously this is the American League's best baseball player

cal can swear as much as he wants on the air the fcc is too busy fighting with comedians

The last time the Mariners won the AL West I was renting a double wide trailer for $700 (split with a roommate so I paid $350), smoking was still allowed indoors, I had a landline phone, zero grey hairs, and the current manager was the starting catcher. GOMS forever. 🔱

The American League West Champion Seattle Mariners.

Good morning. Everything is terrible EXCEPT THE SEATTLE MARINERS!

Man if you thought I was annoying before with my Mariners skeets you might as well strap in because THE MARINERS ARE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS 🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱🔱

Good afternoon to all my fellow heathens who also didn't get yeeted to outer space today

A pop up box on Tylenol dot com

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

Except that he couldn't even pronounce acetaminophen

me telling my grandkids what it was like to have vaccines

I'm not a mathematician or anything but I'm pretty sure if you aren't antifa that means you are pro-fa thanks for coming to my Ted talk

neurodiversity is Good Actually. just want to say that

The president of the United States cannot pronounce the word acetaminophen

Let's not take medical advice from a reality tv star turned fascist ok?

I feel like I could open this app at any point right now and just fire off a "what the fuck are we doing?" and it would be relevant. That being said. What the fuck are we doing?

Tylenol use is safe in pregnancy, lowest effective dose. Don’t listen to the utter nonsense emanating from the highest office in the land today. Speak to your medical provider.

The Mariners magic number is now down to 3. 🔱

Yes they were in fact swept, and are now outside of a playoff spot. LMAO 🗑️🗑️🗑️

Fuck ICE

It's pretty cool that Seahawks are going to win the Super Bowl

The Seahawks?

The Mariners game is on espn tonight which means I'll be listening to the radio broadcast

Hey guys I just wanted to say real quick the SEATTLE FUCKING MARINERS

I'm not a mathematician or anything but I'm pretty sure if you aren't antifa that means you are pro-fa thanks for coming to my Ted talk

Huh wow turns out the people who wanted to misgender and deadname trans people and use racist slurs never cared about free speech, they just wanted to misgender and deadname trans people and use racist slurs

Just gonna leave this right here

Weird that the FCC Chair had no issue with Kilmeade wanting to euthanize homeless people.

So apparently free speech is officially dead.

Hey sorry to bug you but the Seattle Mariners

Look, I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record but the Seattle Mariners

Hey, so real quick the Seattle Mariners

The Seattle Mariners?

I just want to be sure I heard you correctly. You're saying that we should not only honor a Nazi propagandist, but... continue his work? I mean jfc Gavin

Well one thing is for sure and that is we are collectively cooked

GOMS 🔱

Just got home from a gig and was gonna go straight to bed without looking at my phone but then I looked at my phone and... 👀👀👀👀👀👀

As someone who was around to witness late 90's Griffey, you made sure you were watching whenever he stepped to the plate. What we are witnessing from Cal this year feels very similar. It's really special. 🔱

Hi

Just a friendly reminder that if you drive on to the ferry DO NOT SET YOUR ALARM thank you for coming to my Ted Talk