Speaking of peppernuts, here’s @lizcookkc.bsky.social on pfeffernög—her Pfeffernüsse-inflected weihnachtlicher Genuss—fortified with twice as much absinthe as it is bourbon:

the funniest thing I have read in a very long time. Thank you @lizcookkc.bsky.social

Fellow Nog Procrastinators, this one’s for you.

It was me. I did this, somehow, by being rude to Travis Kelce’s steaks.

“How many tables order this every night?” I asked. “Almost all of them,” she said, with just a hint of resignation. defector.com/two-nights-p...

i don’t usually read reviews for restaurants i will likely never visit, but this one (from @lizcookkc.bsky.social) for Mahomes’ and Kelce’s place in KC was worth it for style points alone defector.com/two-nights-p...

This review from @lizcookkc.bsky.social of Pat Mahomes and Travis Kelce’s weird, over-priced restaurant is maybe one of funniest I’ve ever read. defector.com/two-nights-p...

My Unc Kitchen is this anything

"Much of the menu at 1587 Prime reads like magnetic poetry for people with expense accounts." Liz Cook brilliance in Defector! A Christmas miracle!

Liz Cook reviews Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce's Kansas City steakhouse: defector.com/two-nights-p...

Great fun from @lizcookkc.bsky.social "You do not have to order the Heinz ketchup flight. You do not have to buy the Taylor Swift cocktail that tastes like a candle and is garnished with a flaming Brillo pad. You do not have to sacrifice your servers’ eyebrows at the altar of the tableside flambé"

"The goose is deceptively simple. You really only need three ingredients: a curvy-necked yellow squash for the body, carrots for the feet and beak, and cloves for its beady little eyes."

Thank you sincerely and especially to the Kansas Citians cheering my return as if glimpsing a once-favored race horse limping around the track, refusing to be put out of its misery. I am 36.

“You’ve heard of ‘chicken under a brick,’” my server said. “Well, this is chicken cooked under a marble slab.” “Is the chicken actually cooked under a marble slab?” I asked. “No.”

This is so fun

Delighted to have @lizcookkc.bsky.social writing for us and she is in her damn wheelhouse defector.com/two-nights-p...

Just when you think she's done, she gets pulled back in! @lizcookkc.bsky.social: always the finest words for your enjoyment!

Liz Cook in Defector!

I spent $900 at 1587 Prime so you don’t have to.

"The drink tasted like a Cosmo someone had strained through a French Vanilla Yankee Candle." @lizcookkc.bsky.social cookin'.

Someone please, please, please give @lizcookkc.bsky.social a full-time restaurant reviewing gig so I can read her words all the time. On Kelce and Magomes' restaurant venture: defector.com/two-nights-p...

Haterade stickers are the inscrutable stocking stuffer everyone needs.

If they don’t, I will buy one on Christmas Eve and rip through it like a bobcat.

Don’t ever try to tell me the Midwest isn’t beautiful.

I’m thinking about creating these terrible illustrations for all of my newsletters going forward. Bad Art belongs to a completely different phylum than Slop Art. I suppose you could train an AI to do it, but why?

I rarely llol (literally laugh out loud) as consistently as I do when indulging in Haterade.

I'm fairly certain @lizcookkc.bsky.social thinks I'm stalking her at this point, but nonetheless I need to tell you that if you're not reading Haterade, you should be. It will at least temporarily distract you from the wider world's horrors by leaving you gaping at the horrors Liz has cooked up.

We should all feel a desire to use our talents for a greater good. But we don't always have to use them for the *greatest* good. haterade.substack.com/p/introducin...

This blog by @lizcookkc.bsky.social is maybe the best thing I have read in a while haterade.substack.com/p/introducin... The kicker made me spit out my coffee

I wrote about the Funhouse Guillotine, a treasured family heirloom that allows me to perfectly shape the webbed feet of a squash goose.

I wrote about xanthan, a beautiful name for a baby and an excellent tool for home cooks. Bonus: a recipe for Snot Gruel.

“Did you know chemo can damage your taste buds? That was news to me. Cancer is like an IRS audit, or the music of Ted Nugent—we all have some baseline awareness of it, but if we’re lucky, we never have to learn the particulars.” haterade.substack.com/p/tastes-lik...

Here’s @lizcookkc.bsky.social from the top rope

Please make my recipe for PARTY CORN.

Cleaning up the dream journal.

Have put out a bunch of recipes for Serious Eats lately, and I think you should make them! 1. Kansas City Steak Soup. Born in one KC steakhouse, diffused to many others, this is functionally a drunken, pinkies-up vegetable beef soup. www.seriouseats.com/kansas-city-...

Are we on the cusp of Taco Pizza Summer? Many people are asking.

The era of self-serious sex symbols trying to min-max dinner is over. Welcome to the era of Big Goons Making Goon Food. New Haterade: haterade.substack.com/p/cooking-wi...

I just think @lizcookkc.bsky.social is cool :) www.seriouseats.com/iowa-taco-pi...

Chasing the vibes of the white Milwaukee dad pushing his son in a running stroller while performing a faithful but vigorous rendition of “Smack That” by Akon.

Ran into Bob Dylan’s local catering team at a bar in Topeka last night and can confirm he ate chili and cinnamon rolls before the show. Midwest King.

“Wonderful.” The lemon is puking out his internal organs and you call it wonderful.

At least Kim Reynolds is having a bad night, too.

Thrilled to see Lady Gaga has finally released a song about Lucas, KS.

ISO someone who can help me track down a copy of Windows 95.

Each day, I get a little bit closer to achieving my lifelong dream of living in a Pizza Hut.

To be frank, I’m surprised it took *two* Super Bowl wins for this team to develop a humiliation kink.

I do not consider myself a lucky person, but I *have* successfully eaten In-A-Tub while wearing a white t-shirt in my car on a moonless night.

Greetings from Dallas County, IA. @jedportman.bsky.social

You: Midwestern food is bland and boring! Me: Who else up late kurbising they stumbus