being punished for eating sisyphus style by washing dishes everyday

"Can't blame a guy for scoopin'" - a guy who got a third serving of Italian Wedding soup, but he just wants a single scoop this time

@profanity.accountant 🤬

Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...

BREAKING: The turkey that Trump pardoned has received a second pardon following an unrelated gun conviction.

Enough Lizza. More LIZZO!

he actually IS beating the allegations, folks

The next Avatar movie is going to be called, like, AVATAR: THE DIRT IS SAND

Nano Banana Pro? More like NoNo BanaNo NO!

Are you fucking losers talking about pumpkin pie again?

Happy long weekend to you guys

I think the two categories of animals are beasts and guys. Most animals are guys but the beasts you gotta watch out for

The Tribune is such an un-serious paper that it put out its editorial on the Zohran-Trump meeting 4 days later.

No one at the rap battle will wait for me to type my prompts

NEW CHARACTER: GUY WHO THINKS A 'SADIE HAWKINS DANCE' IS CALLED A 'SALLY HAWKINS DANCE.' "I hope Sally Hawkins invites me to her titular dance"

ADDITIONAL New Coast Guard Updates

Are you fucking losers talking about Star Wars again?

maybe i am going insane

Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life https://theonion.com/man-who-thought-fleetwood-macs-the-chain-was-over-in-for-thrill-of-his-fucking-life/

everyone is 12 theory chugging along

Nevermind

Gainunwell

Do you think Jeff Bridges and Druski hung out after they finished shooting?

The world is bad right now, yes, but you have to appreciate the good things. Like, for example, the dumpster behind the Dunkin Donuts by my house has a label that says "DONKIN" That's great 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

every year someone does a study that’s like “we gave 100 homeless ppl money and their lives improved” and every year the government kills that guy

imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy

Hi, are you looking for more, potentially less relevant now, Marjorie Taylor Greene content?

ADDITIONAL New Coast Guard Updates

That's Cork Hubbert all right

It’s fun to think about the surgeon who will botch your surgery 20 years from now and what he’s doing at this moment. He just ran all his homework through ChatGPT. He just read that article about vaccines and autism at the CDC website. He just watched an Instagram video about the moon landing hoax.

My bad, everyone. I was fucking with the wires and, well... Look - things got away from me.

Been really busy today and just catching up on some news. Sounds like Trump is planning more murders, eh?

He wasn't just dumped in a river?

Unhinged Republican Tries To Give Democratic Candidate Demon's Orb @katmabu.bsky.social @bencollins.bsky.social

Unhinged Republican Tries To Give Democratic Candidate Demon's Orb @katmabu.bsky.social @bencollins.bsky.social

Weird!

This doesn’t seem weird to anyone else

ICE employee among 16 men arrested in Bloomington sex trafficking sting, police say. "When he was arrested, he said, 'I'm ICE, boys,'" Hodges said during a press conference Tuesday. "Well, unfortunately for him, we locked him up."

Only a couple of major news outlets (CNN, USA) are covering this at all. You would think if the goal was clicks and views, this would be all over the media. If clicks are not the goal, it makes you think about: what is?

pov: you're in the White House Press Corps

it is almost as if accommodating and conceding to far right ideas legitimizes them and signals to voters that the far right is a legitimate choice for governance

They should re-imagine CAPTAIN PHILLIPS as ROASTMASTER GENERAL PHILLIPS but "they" (fatcats) won't because they are scared people won't like the "I'm the roastmaster general now!" line as much. THEY are wrong of course 🫩

How many times has Paul Wall rhymed his name with "disco ball" on a song? Gotta be triple digits, right?

Comedy is legal again

Marjorie Taylor Greene is on our side now #Yes!

MAGA guys admitting to statutory rape to support Donald Trump

Marjorie Taylor Greene is on our side now #Yes!

My 5-year-old just solemnly asked "Do piranhas die?" and I said yes, but only because I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth: they don't.