My time travel agent slips me my target card and tells me to "nip this in the bud" with a sly wink. The airlocks hiss and seals squeal. I feed the card into the tray and wait for an update, my mission flashes across a screen. [Punt every Tiktaalik back into the ocean]. I am ready.

If I join the Hargila Army and dedicate my life to storks yall just need to roll with it. I have seen enough. I am obviously on this planet to go "Wow! Look at that majestic disgusting beautiful gross-ass bird!"

[You wouldn't steal a car commercial voice but with adhd] You wouldn't start a project before finishing any of your other projects

The TV for no reason: AI cat cafe including mugs with smoke coming out of them and shitty music? Some drone shots of islands we don't know the same of? What about a cozy fireside scene where it is snowing inside somehow? A haunting spectral black cat we've cut and pasted onto a forest? Eh??? Ehhhh??

The discovery that the continents are in continuous motion is fairly recent—dating back only to the late 1960s — and one woman was responsible for decoding what it meant for California and much of the West Coast. buff.ly/2vAwspH

The last bombshell paleontology discovery of a year of bombshell discoveries: Ammonites survived the K-PG extinction! www.nature.com/articles/s41...

When Bo Burnham sang "twenty thousand years of this, seven more to go" I didn't realize he meant literally seven

this is kinda it. I'm posting and flailing and irl just havin a fuckin Saturday I guess because what is there? but it sucks. the US destabilizing governments wantonly for a century plus sucks.

Is everything terrible? Yes. Will it get worse? Also yes.

Noodle has no idea what's going on

Drinking coffee and thinking to myself "this is my favorite suspended solution" exactly like everyone else 😌

Well then! Damn!

The Long Drink TAD when your fire fails TAD when mending fails TAD if you have to fight off a wolf without an actual weapon TAD when you finish a book TAD if you sprain your wrist or ankle falling on a steep hill Two drinks when you die Three drinks if the dead moose spawns

Travis acts like he can't hear me when he has his noise canceling headphones on but I know he can and is just ignoring me because he hates me 🤧

New Years Resolutions: Play more Magic Make more art Pet more dogs Plant more everything Grow my hair to unstoppable witch lengths and curse my dream-enemies with the fury of a thousand suns Meditate more

I have only been catching the "wild" free-range grass-fed organic Pokémon so far and... are there domesticated Pokémon? Like why does it tell me they are wild? As opposed to what? Oppressed and held captive by me, you, and the R sweater troupe? Do they become domesticated from wild? What's the lore?

Wake up babe, it's time to go to sleep

It is wild to me that IU is so good at football now. When I went they were sooo bad, like I think maybe they won one ? Maybe two? games the entire time I was slogging through my coursework there, so yeah, imagine my utter shock that this is happening.

Wake up, babe Ohio Department of Natural Resources just posted an interactive map of geology layers: groundwater information, surface and bedrock, etc. Including a map of historic earthquake locations and information. Look at the fracking quakes! How is it legal for industries to make earthquakes

my ass when the aliens attack

We're goin' up, up, up, it's our moment, you know together we're glowin' GONNA BE GONNA BE

Travis got two more of the fancy pies and holy shit the apple-blueberry one is phenomenal. I am mad that I just found out about them. How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing I have utterly wasted my entire whole frigging life not eating The Elegant Farmer pies until now.

Happy New Year y'all, it's been a year sheeeeeeesh

It is snowing sideways right now, no fireworks for you fucks tonight, mmmyess, good, good, excellent

We could try to rebrand climate change as a war against the atmosphere or something more violent and catchy that those men would feel manly for caring about...? The Dark Matter Wars. Sons vs The Sun. Battle for Future Earth. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make any sense, we need everybody on board.

I saw a tiktok where a bartender claims she microwaves rumple minze shots for men who ask her to pick a drink for them, I cannot stop thinking about it, anyway, in my dream last night I asked the mallworld airport bartender (col. sanders outfit?) for a microwaved rumble minze shot and he said no 🧐🧐

I mulled some wine 🍷 😌 it is good.

Microdosing this type of adhd rage by immediately scrolling every time someone on tiktok tells me to stop scrolling.

Happy solstice, cheers to better year, skål og god jul!

I downloaded Pokémon Go and have been "playing"? I log in, grab whatever two little freaks are dancing outside my house while the dogs pee, and log off. I have like 20 level one freaks right now. Add a buddy? No thanks. Level one up? Absolutely not. Go to a pokestop? Couldn't be me. This game rules.

We can't stop playing Wingspan 😂

I looked so cute at the holiday party that Travis's boss hit on me and gave me a hug. That's a win.

“Reviews by Dev”

It worked btw 💅

I am snuggled up on the couch with my dogs and not pissed off at every single thing anymore 😇

the larian stuff sucks to hear a lot. you have to be a true all-timer loser to think generative AI is useful for concepting ideas or artwork. you let the machine do the fun part you dumbass. it doesnt tell me you think efficiently it tells me youre a fuckass who's given up on being interesting

Update: they pushed departure back another hour because apparently the previous 6 hours of delays wasn’t enough time to arrange a goddamn flight crew. 😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬

Dear @americanair.bsky.social have you considered not being completely terrible?

If they make my endo-cramped-up miserable anemic-ass waddle the mile back to gate G one more time I really will lose my entire mind.

“Some plants produce heat, and a new study reveals for the first time that this warmth attracts insects, which in turn aid pollination. In fact, this may have been among the first pollinator-attracting strategies to emerge in the plant kingdom…” #scicomm www.sciencealert.com/an-ancient-f... 🧪

I am like 3 seconds from screaming because they have delayed and canceled and delayed and delayed again and now we won't be home until 2am and I am SO FUCKING TIRED AND IT IS DAY 1 PERIOD FULL FIREHOSE FROM A SQUEEZEY KETCHUP BOTTLE TYPW SHIT I COULD DIE I THINK

I gave the wedding venue a mean review because there were so many fuck-ups and then they responded trying to say they comped a bunch of shit for my sister because of the fuck-ups and LOL THEY DID NOT So I just edited my review to be worse and called them out for the gaslighting. Really winning today

Cutiiiieeeees

If you're driving and someone says "you need to flip a bitch" does that mean anything to you? Am I the only one who uses this expression??

The booth pics are amazing

I really can't wait to see the photographers pics, because he was a total turd, just a real piece of work, absolutely not personable at all, so I KNOW he is not skating by on being a cool friend who is a photographer or anything remotely like that. I am guessing his work is astounding.

If you are wondering how sleeping on these rock beds is going, the answer is terribly and I am going to leave them a 1 star review with every last one of my burner emails.

Do yall wanna see the makeup that lady did at 8am this morning? I- like I don't wanna post because wow I look terrible but if you know me I kind of feel like you need to see these because how did she even make me look like that???

I ruined so many of Travis's good pics too, if only I could shut up for one whole second hahahahhaa