i wish my phone stored the images from every time my face ID failed. i wanna see what ugly ass faces i was making

this could be me, rootin and tootin, but i'm playin

don't fucking do it

mount rushmore is so pretty 🥰

i have to pee so bad i'm about to give @realqrampage.bsky.social a run for her piss queen money

i went to montserrat and all i got was this nun's virginity

boobs. reskeet if u agree

como se dice "lord have mercy i'm bout to bust" en español?

como se dice "gobbler" en español?

why do they call it taxiing when you head to the runway bro i'm in an airplane not a cab

HERE WE GOOOOOO @defundpoppunk.bsky.social

the parking app in philadelphia is called meterup and i can't park in this city without thinking about how bad i wanna meat 'er up

This meeting could have been a fist fight

it fucking begins. if we also all take one tire lock we can bang it out in like an hour and they'll never catch us all

for the small price of $246,105 we can briefly inconvenience the nypd

i just set my out of office for 10 days and came so hard in the process, good start fam

never not nutting november. every waking minute. i am a fountain

the fall of the house of usher wants to be succession so bad what the fuck what was wrong with the period it was written in

oh my fucking god. does he think it’s called blade runner cuz the guy’s name is blade runner

if i don't look like this when we're done i'm not interested

i'm sure there's a pretty great reason these 3 mouths are on my camera roll in order but fuck if i remember what it is

i'm so fuckin pumped for no nut november. i'm gonna gain so much weight

You have been sentenced to death by ginger gooch

when i grow up i want to be matt berninger but also have sex with matt berninger

I should be working on an article and a thesis.

she's a 10 but she has atlas shrugged on her bookshelf

lil homesick for philly so beating the shit out of the rangers in nhl 21

a hot dog eating competition but they dunk the buns in pepto instead of water

also: licking taki dust off someone else's fingers, lady-and-the-tramping sour sketti, tootin lines off dongs

okay so nfl games are on peacock sometimes cbs sometimes fox sometimes but if you pay for nfl+ you can watch all of them except just kidding you can actually only listen get fucked dipshit

the llama, the flame, the muse

there is literally nothing better than being thirsty and going full on slut mode for water my god

wanted: beefcake gym bro accountabilibuddy to get sweaty with and punish me if i dont go (no gay shit tho (unless????))

if i played baseball professionally i'd simply win? idk doesn't seem that hard

Okay, I’m at 298 followers. If I hit 300, I’ll post the Slutty Little Toaster pic. At 400, I’ll create a sexy blender. At 500, I’ll draw a hot Olive Garden cheese grater. At 1,000, I’ll design a full range of sexy kitchen appliances.

aoc stands for ahhhhhh okay coolcoolcool

every time they show the art museum steps i think ah yes, my favorite philly crying spot

more like the miami dilfins

no one cared who i was until i put on the mask..

waiting for the dbacks dj to start playing the chicken dance to see if kimbrel starts doing it

i bet catchers and hockey goalies can twerk with the best of em

i could hit a home run in the mlb no question

got a ticket dismissed that i probably shouldn't have because cops are too fucking stupid to do their jobs lmaoooo

my follower count is 47 so to celebrate, here is a picture of me from 47