Hard 2

Hooting and hollering

Every person who gets into a relationship with Lily Allen and then cheats on her deserves every single album and…single, that comes their way, and what moron called David Harbour didn’t see this coming

passport photo rules are always so confusing. don't smile, don't not smile. no shadows, there must be shadows though, and no light. there must be light. only want to see your face, but we want to make sure it has a body connected to it, but not in the picture

I see you and raise you when a Canadian cinema tried to sell it as a buddy movie/romcom

Jamie and I no longer reading or reacting to the instagram memes we’re sending each other, just now firing more and more into each other’s inboxes like ‘NO, I’M NOT LAUGHING AT YOURS TILL YOU LAUGH AT MINE, HERE’S ANOTHER ONE!!!’

[watching a character in Better Call Saul, in *dire* circumstances, manage to finally get to a landline phone and start dialing] Me: I would be able to call my gran in the 1990s Jamie: I would be able to call my nan in the 1990s and… myself

Running for office and revealing a giant back tattoo that just says WOMEN. Nobody can agree if it's good or bad

I have an MA in (English and yes this is Russian) Literature so will defend the Arts with my dying breath but this made a noise come out of me like an asthmatic goose

This cold open will never not make me laugh

I’m finding this unreasonably funny

The other thing that is notable about this is that the moment he received pushback, Piers just collapses into a sputtering mess. This class of 'pundit' has become so used to going unchallenged that they literally don't know how to deal with it. Embarrassing it took so long for this to be exposed.

Cannot be unseen

Friends fear she’s had her nails done again

a) LOL b) blargh

Goddam it this is good

Seeing many posts about how ICE isn't trained. That's not really the problem. The problem is what they were sent to do, not whether they're qualified to do it.

I’m binge watching ‘1883’ on Netflix atm and I quite literally *just* learned that Tim McGraw plays James Dutton and Faith Hill plays Margaret Dutton. I don’t know why this information has unsettled me but it has

I can’t fully articulate why but this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. I’m making noises like a clogged drain

Me moving towards the table whenever anyone brings in snacks at work

Me working from home today

Me: me, your future wife, just had a long day at work, came home, wanted to sit in silence for a while and now I want to monologue at you Jamie: [while overtly and deliberately putting one (1) AirPod in] monologue away gurl

My usually incredibly active fiancé has badly sprained his ankle and is on bed rest so we’re rotting in bed together watching our individual nonsense, but weirdly this is driving him mad and he just said ‘I don’t know how you do this every weekend’ So naturally I’ve taken that wildly personally

This guy has perfected his Trump lip-syncs and I think this is the peak

[currently on the long drive back from Wexford, home in our Sligo number plated car) Me, thoughtfully: do you know, when I was a teenager I would have absolutely *loved* to have a car with a Sligo number plate Fiancé: why? Me: Westlife are from Sligo Fiancé: …do you EVER stop??

My fiancé went to play with some drums today, he plays guitar superbly but drums are his main instrument but alas we have no drum kit in our house, - UMMMM HELP HELLO 🥵🔥

The honk I just honked

My fiancé is watching the football with headphones on, in the bed next to me right now, which means that *without warning*, AT ANY MOMENT, he’s shouting into the silence, or leaping out into the air I don’t expect any of you to do anything about this, I just need you to know what I’m dealing with

We were in the shop tonight buying wine for my parents and the girl was tapping away into the wee machine while holding the bottle - we were both like ‘OH HERE WE GO, TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT, ONE OF US IS GOING TO BE ID’D OOOOO!’ and then she’s just ‘sorry, the till is frozen’ Like your heart, Sinéad.

[me playing my playlist] My fiancé: Jesus gurl you’re a one woman Christmas works party Me:

“Here’s my go-to snack when I’m too tired to cook” *shows us an entire chapter from a recipe book* Pal, when I’m too tired to cook I rip the cardboard from a cereal box into strips with my teeth and just chew on them over the sink

"…and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel.”

When my fiancé’s away I like to keep him up to date with my TV Trash Binfire Nonsense shows

The TikTok algorithm sometimes shows me Americans getting pulled over by cops, probably because it knows I’m A Messy Bitch Who Loves Drama, and every time (which is seemingly EVERY time) the conversation goes “Sir/Ma’am you’re now under arrest for DUI” “No I am not.” 1/2

Look, we all know what Twitter is now but we all also know what it used to be, and that is, funny

Barking like a corporate dog

I’ve seen this tweet response hundreds of times and it never gets less funny

Saying it like it’s playground gossip will never not be funny

Watching Love is Blind UK because at weekends I’m a TV Trash Bucket and every single one of these ‘brides’ keeps regurgitating ‘every little girl’s dream is her wedding day’. I mean, ok Susan, my dream was to be a witch who could stop time at will so I didn’t have to go to school - 1/2

Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival

[thoughtful silence] ‘…this show is a very unrealistic telling of the Saturn Vue’s reliability’ my fiancé’s musings on this episode of Breaking Bad

New Nail Day! Friends fear she’s strayed from her blue theme

Where’s your fucking poppy

LADS I’VE TRIED ON MY WEDDING DRESS AND I LOVE IT

I’m such a sucker for watching films or tv shows where two actors have fallen in love IRL on set (or supposedly have), like my fiancé is currently away and I’m consoling myself by watching an old favourite in bed - Mary, Queen of Scots, and every time Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden are on screen 1/3

Greatest Televisual Compilation Of All Time

I think this about my fiancé *constantly* I’ll be thinking this as the celebrant asks me if I’ve understood the question because there’s a pause before ‘I do’

Lads, I only think I’ve gone and found my wedding dress haven’t I. My mum’s also bought her Mother Of The Bride dress already and the wedding is 2 years away so, brilliant job us two, job done, taking the rest of the lead up to the big day off