Me after a week with the in-laws

*Werner Herzog voice* "The pastry seeks the sweet release of death, whether browned and toasted, or raw, the fruit and chocolate yearns to be free of the bounds of our corporeal world"

Roast me amigos.

The hallowed remains of our beloved Pop-Tarts. May their memories be a blessing.

BEGONE BOT

@chloedenmark.bsky.social’s bin of color coded excess Lego is a thing. The fact that she’s keeping EVERY brick separator is a different thing altogether.

RIP in peace our heroes 🫡

Don’t recall who started the whole thing about belly button pose, but former business associate in OK is displaying it in recent pics, new gf upgraded to new fiancée. Not sure what the ring cost, but the affair cost him at least a couple mil professionally before his divorce lawyer ex wife started

We have never really done good luck dishes for new years but are in discussions. What do y’all got for me here?

What I really needed was precisely three hours of sleep

Omg bed

"Did you see what Mark Cuban posted? Oh did you see the clapb—" You shake yourself awake in the cold North Atlantic water. You are not online. It is July of 1858. You are a baleen whale, and you have changed your mind. The future most not come to pass. The telegraph cable must break.

WAR ON CHRISTMAS UPDATE

What do we think?

I have forgotten the face of my father.

Hell yeah.

So you CAN beat the tush push

No way this ends badly.

@glenmaffews.bsky.social I need you to translate my QBs insta

Let’s get on a bird to Texas!

I’m from Whoville, and I say kill the Grinch!

CACKLING

Gotta catch those “sun god”

Get wreckt detroit

Get wreckt detroit

I think I’m on drugs

Hot take. 🔥

QUESO IS RIGHT

The centers of attention have returned!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

80s car salesman: *slaps roof of car* this baby here can fit so much distorted memories as convenient psychological coping mechanism for your rage, rage against the dying of the light

Ninja gym sent this around overnight. Doodle is very impressed. www.youtube.com/shorts/euWHt...

"He's an immortal avatar of a moral absolute, he sees everything, he brings gifts, Elves help create the gifts and ensure they match the fleeting mortal desires of the recipients," I mean come on

Doodle at Denmark family Xmas

Do you think that there were guests at the wedding from Love Actually panicking during the ceremony like "Did the invite say that we need to bring a trombone? Well, he's your cousin."

and Tiny Tim, who was NOT mad, don't put it in the papers that he was mad,

Jesus: I am the light of the world Jesus’s brother Jeff: Here we go

From time to time in Los Angeles I meet people who were involved in the Nakatomi business. They always find this time of year difficult.

You can make a roux in the microwave. Melt the butter, dump in some flour, whisk. @ ME I DON'T CARE

my list of good Christmas Carol adaptations starts and ends with Muppet Christmas Carol. I don't care for Scrooged.

WELL NOW I FEEL BAD Sorry @andrewfleer.com. This is somehow @hardywallbanger.bsky.social’s fault.

Can only imagine the catastrophe inside Ulta right now. The parking lot is safer.

A festivus miracle! @adhoffma.bsky.social @huskerteer.bsky.social @chloedenmark.bsky.social

Not sure this line is gonna play.

Well, happy anniversary to one of the finest of festive exchanges