I think it’s a good idea for Trump to try to run a small country. If he does well he can have a go at a bigger one.

When Whoopi Goldberg was getting into character for Sister Act she went over the top with research and went down a massive habit role.

My 14 year old son's football club, Andover Town Youth, has recently been the victim of fraud which has seen them lose around £30,000. A police investigation is underway, but the existence of the club is under threat unless they can raise £10,000 www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding...

RT if you think giving people knighthoods is all a bit silly but still think it's hilarious that Farage still hasn't got one.

Darts players. Give yourself an advantage by putting clown shoes on your opponent while they're asleep. When they step up to the oche they will be a lot further from the board than you.

1964: A CURIOUS CASE OF BLACK MAGIC IN NORFOLK is a brilliant wee slice of folk horror.

Merry Xmas Week everyone youtu.be/r_jRAJZ9_y0

Never cover a judge in books

You should never employ a teething toddler as a stunt person. They take too many rusks.

The #1 movie when you were 10 years old is how your 2026 is going to go.

Bluesky users: "this place is much better than Twitter. We are so much more accepting, less petty, and non-judgmental". Also Bluesky users: "if you do Whamaggedon, you're a cunt".

You can tell how old a person is by cutting them in half and counting the growth rings.

You say "potato" and I say "potato". I say "tomato" and you say "tomato". "Potato", "potato", "tomato", "tomato" For fuck's sake, stop repeating everything I say. Are you four years old, for crying out loud? Just stop it.

Yesterday I was intimidated by hundreds of pigeons on Andover high street. This morning a starling attacked me in my bedroom. WTF? #UpYoursDuMaurier

Farage says, "I didn't wear them (masks) last time, and I won't wear them this time" and dismisses mask mandates as "rubbish". Here's Farage in 2020. Man's a dangerous idiot.

Remember, you can't spell "Christmas" without some of the letters from the word "chocolate". So, think on that!

Pigs in blankets. Blankets made of other, dead pigs! PIGS!

Got a house worth £2.5 million? Save money for the "mansion tax" by ordering free babyccinos at the coffee shop instead of your usual large soy caramel latte.

In S17 of #Taskmaster, Nick Mohammed dressed as a vampire for his tasks. The production scrubbed all his reflections when he's dressed like this, but the only way I knew is because someone told me about it. It's subtle and very cool.

"Helluva lotta work building a motte and bailey castle" "Keep on top of it?" "That's the standard design, yes"

Looking forward to seeing my JustEatWrapped summary of this year's takeaways...

Aw man. RIP to The Colonel, Steve Cropper youtu.be/HYk7NWjsuHI?...

No, I don't accept that yacht rock is a genuine genre of music.

Please note the cattle farm no longer has any castrated males. Steer clear.

Happy Birthday to St Andrew and all the Scotch people celebrating when he drove the haggis out of England.

The roadies' and sound engineers' football team lines up in a 2-2-1-2-1-2 formation.

RIP Jimmy Cliff One more river to cross...

TFW you remember that Tortoise have released a new album after nearly 10 years... open.spotify.com/album/38xLFA...

If you were a non-American child in the 1970s, when you watched Happy Days, did you realise it was set 20 years earlier? I didn't. I just assumed that's what the USA was like. I can't remember how old I was when I twigged it was a period sitcom.

Seems unfair to prosecute the Reform guy for taking bribes for doing Putin's bidding and not all the other guys who do it for free.

Why is Mark Selby's nickname not The Jeicester? #snooker

Bill Bryson: ‘Ever since I was a little boy, I have pretended to be able to vaporise people I don’t like’

Snooker tables are very smooth nowadays, but remember how bumpy and muddy they were in the 1970s?!

So. These Epstein files... Have they got up to the letter 'M' yet? Asking for a friend...

Caffe Nero in Andover has erected its Xmas tree and now I'm considering having to find a new favourite coffee shop...

JD Vance claims that diversity weakens unions, as people end up distrusting each other and not organizing. Let me tell you two menswear stories related to this claim. 🧵

... You make the rocking world go round. 🎶

What’s with the suitcases? I’m going on holiday with a TV wildlife presenter Chris Packham? No I did

The UK's legal ban doesn't stop assisted dying, it just drives it underground, increasing the chance of people dying alone or before they otherwise would. For those who make the difficult decision to travel with loved ones, the consquences can be life changing. Thank you Louise for speaking out.

Change a letter, ruin a song I Want to Hold Your Sand This Ole Horse Don't You Wank Me

COMING UP on Sunday Oct 19th: Romsey's Got Talent - A Night To Remember The Mayor of Romsey hosts an unforgettable evening of entertainment at Romsey’s Got Talent – a community showcase celebrating the amazing local talent in our town! www.ticketsource.co.uk/plazatheatre...

The Uncanny Valet

Good grief, I'd completely forgotten about these, but for a brief few weeks (until they disappeared from the shops) they were my absolute favourite snack!

Idea for a group sex dating app called Connect Phwoar!

Okay. I think I understand why we put clocks backwards and forwards. So why don't we move them up and down, or from side to side?

New series of Strictly looks different to how I remember it.

Eagle-eye Cherry can spot a fieldmouse from a height of over 150ft.

The best fictional bromance? Kehaar and Bigwig of course

Best sign ever.