always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay

Study Finds 98% Recidivism Rate Among Americans Who Burn Mouths On Hot Food https://theonion.com/study-finds-98-recidivism-rate-among-americans-who-burn-mouths-on-hot-food/

I am begging people to understand that "illegal" does not mean "impossible." "How is that allowed? Isn't that illegal?" Laws of society aren't laws of physics. Life isn't a video game. There's no Big Boss who's going to fire someone from life for not playing by the rules.

Chapelle Roan now is your moment.

Not really a sports guy but I'm a big fan of superb owls.

Probably gotta be Tolkien if we're going that far back, yeah?

Thinking about Heavy Rain again. Yes, yes, press X to Jason of course. But I really do like the concept of "murder mystery game where you play from multiple perspectives, including that of the killer." It's a cool idea!

Concentration camps: “For 280 days we haven’t eaten a single piece of fruit, banana, apple, orange, or anything fresh. We are all in one big room with no doors or windows. We can’t see any grass or trees. We are all constantly sick."

GM: Charisma check. Mamdani: [rolls natural 20] GM: that’s a d6 how did you Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

We got the beginnings of a nightmare blunt rotation

Holy dilithium crystals she's talented. I'd love to have this on my wall.

As someone who loves to cook, most of the time my goal is "tasty, vegetables, protein, leftovers." Restaurant-level is for special occasions.

One of the greatest crimes in human history? Why don't you go back in time and tell that to everybody who ever lost a loved one to smallpox or polio? See how that works out for you, Toby.

You've heard of "The Court's independently aware of that," now get ready for "Your Honor, in the ancient libraries of Ashurbanipal..."

tgiwfwtd!

Going to start saying "in the ancient libraries of Ashurbanipal," before going off on unrelated tangents.

Suboptimal. Although it seems like this particular subreddit was taken over by red/brown types so not a shocker I suppose.

"Something's happening" is a statement that's always true. Like "here we are," or "the time is now."

Fun gamer prank: go to a rock climbing gym and spray paint all the handholds yellow.

Even if he wasn't I bet it would take more than one day to make.

DOCTOR: I told him he needed to get out to a show, that was how he would cure his depression. CHOTINER: So you learned this technique in school? DR: No, not— listen it was good advice. Pagliacci was in town. C: Right. Is it standard to give advice before learning a patient’s name? DR: Now look

Jk Rowling has appeared in the Epstein files!

Take me down to tautology city where the grass is grass and the girls are girls

Getting holey mackerel is pretty easy. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Pizzagate: If you replace the word “hot dog” with “little boy” and “pizza party” with “child sex orgy,” you will see the lengths these elites go to cover up their crimes. Real elite emails: Send me nude pictures of those 8th graders we abused last weekend post-haste! I am the Ambassador to Turkey.

This is probably a generational thing but I almost exclusively use email for more formal communication, so it's utterly baffling to me that these are email conversations and not like, group chats.

Can't believe Don Lemon is going to miss Whiskey Friday with Tony Dopoukil sitting in a cell.

when all of this gets slightly less heated the NYT is going to be profiling anonymous ICE agents like they’re regretful Trump voters just you watch

People who care about airplanes less than I do should not be allowed to make decisions about airplanes.

Happy to see that there is no need to worry about the historical accuracy of new 1776 AI slop because it happens in the mystical land of Λamereedd.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Toad wrote on the ground with a stick: Go to Sleep. Then he crossed out: Go to Sleep. “There,” said Toad. “Now my day is all crossed out!” “I am glad,” said Frog. Then Frog and Toad went right to sleep.

That's technically a true statement. Another true statement is "I don't have to be happy for them if I don't want to, and I didn't ask you anyway."

Well, I can confidently say that this was not on my 2026 bingo card.

BREAKING: Seven people died and one was seriously injured when a private jet crashed in Maine during the snowstorm, the FAA says.

Wokehammer

one (1) bus thread will appear each night until morale improves

Ironically this bus driver also lives in Vienna.

Obviously this is a setback but I think it's important not to let it discredit the concept of building a long, extremely narrow glass city in the middle of the desert. www.ft.com/content/036b...

mr president, you've lost the silksong subreddit

I spent the most formative years of my political life reading headlines like this seemingly every week.

BTW when I say abolish ICE, I mean abolish it entirely and replace it with exactly nothing. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. That's it.

"His last thought and act was to protect a woman. The sickening lies told about our son by the administration are reprehensible and disgusting." "Please get the truth out about our son."

The world sucks and is horrible but here's a baby elephant

they murdered Good, they murdered Pretti, and if you are on the streets of the hero twins and your surname is Kind, Loving, or Strong please be extra careful because apparently the writers are not being subtle with the symbolism this season.

It's almost like they thought their first murder was too ambiguous.

when conservatives said they had to "protect themselves from an overreaching federal government," they only meant the version of the federal government that forced them to comply with a supreme court ruling that mandated they share public water fountains with black people.