some people really need to tighten their hinges. it is entirely too unhinged out here!

am i trapped in #lesbianDatingHell? or am i merely a "lesbi," and @ing *hell*? this isn't funny but it's in my mind every time I tag and I needed someone else to be aware

not convinced i speak a single language well, and i make that everyone else's problem 🤗 #onlineDating #lesbianDatingHell

God give me the strength to tell my friends when they're being dumb as a cybertruck on a Canadian highway.

I refuse to go to any school reunions until I've had my #glowUp and gotten hot any day now it'll happen any day now

#shesA10But she hurts her tummy and won't accept any help (this week on I Have Lactase Pills In My Purse, ice cream doesn't have to feel like lava!!)

The worst handheld Zelda game by a mile

I like my eye wrinkles. I have no need for cosmetic surgery. However, I wouldn't say no to a complete refurbishment of every joint, tendon, and ligament in my body. A whole new set of neck muscles to hold my giant head up. And a synthetic digestive tract so I can eat gluten again. Also, laser eyes.

idek if i like myself better with/without bangs, but there are mad lads out there, knowing themselves so well they decisively change their whole presentation don't tell me trans people don't have their shit together. #transRightsAreHumanRights

I feel like some of you are raging WITH the machine.

I don't need to own an orange cat. I can knock shit over and be a general nuisance all on my own #TuT #still... #iWant

it's hard not to feed the trolls when they are just so, SO darn (unintentionally) hilarious

how dare y'all insult JARVIS by calling these things "AI" they're not artificial intelligences, they're just automatic plagiarism machines :/

you could criticise the terrorists without the generalized xenophobia (Islamophobia/Antisemitism), but it requires you walk a fine line. so either walk a fine line, or stfu about The Jews/The Muslims and if you choose to be careless, then accept it when you stagger your way into a xenophobia label

I, too, love the fantasy that The J00z™️ would be accepted *if only Israel had never done...* *if only Israel had never been...* *if only Israel had never been.* and yet, my family was getting hate crimed LONG before Israel, long before the Shoa, and long before this stupid argument.

idk why hateful people are so inefficient if you like being mad, don't hate minorities pick on the majority! there are so many more of them to fuel your rage! #dieMadAboutIt

y'all know we could just... build beautiful buildings, right? we could even build them inspired by southern architecture? there's no reason why we need haunted plantations for our wedding venues #nottoway #nottowayPlantation #burnBabyBurn

fellas, is it gay to think in sketch comedy?

me, staring down an unassuming bowl of ice cream: it's a well-known fact, the ice cream: me: I'm not scared of you ICE CREAM: ? #lactoseIntolerance #dairyIgnorance #bowlCrimes #delululand

#trans friend who keeps changing his name: me: y'all remember Silly li'l Guy? twelfth of his names, Short King, rightful heir to the sweater (I keep stealing), protector of my hat (he keeps stealing), father of [pets' names], breaker of my favourite mug, changer of lightbulbs, #LOTR #deadnameDodge

my dad, wearing glasses thicker than bottle caps + more expensive than a gently used car: that movie was wild my mum, pausing the tv she keeps at 74 so she can hear it: yes! let's have a child! [spoilers: i came out fuckywucky] #cripplepunk #sillycore

(if falling over isn't a pickup line) i have no idea what a pickup line is

if hiding in my underground bunker, rewatching every video essay i already agreed with makes me a coward in an echo chamber, me a coward in an echo chamber, a coward in an echo chamber, echo chamber,

it's amazing when people tell me I'm going to hell, cuz I don't even believe the place exists

If you can't handle me at my laziest then whatever fuck this post

DR: so what seems to be the trouble ME: you tell me ur the fucken doctor DR: *smashes bedpan into my skull* you have a concussion

It’s fine if you don’t like me but you’re gonna have to explain to yourself why you hate joy and whimsy so much

can't relate. I am both a) suffering b) a fool

friend: now wait for her to reciprocate :D me, anxiously checking and double checking hinge: hinge: me: lesbian dating is stupid, i fear #lesbianDatingHell

forget "going strong", I'm going "going wrong" wrong way, down a one-way street, becoming everyone else's problem today 🙃👍

Democrats just flipped the Omaha mayor's office with ads like this. The right-wing obsession with genitals is starting to backfire.

husband: hey look i got you a label maker husband, 1 week later: why does our hamper say "osama bin laundry"

tired: your bully is jealous inspired: because you, unlike that miserable jerk, aren't stuck with their shit company 24/7 #enlightenedThoughts #imBrilliant???

Everybody Stay Calm At The Disco #PATD #P!ATD #sillyposting

"if kidnapped, what would you post to alarm your followers without the kidnappers knowing you're asking for help?" fandom is so cringe and I'd never have 99+ tabs of fanfiction open on my phone

if I accidentally unfollow you at some point, you have every right to assume i fell asleep on my phone again... #sleepy #dumbassProblems

If you don’t laugh at one of my jokes, it was actually avant-garde and you didn’t get it because I’m smarter than you

if I were a billionaire, I'd start a cheetah specific animal rescue and my home would be however big it'd need to be for a key portion of that rescue to happen in my living room #ifIHadAMillionDollars #dreamingBig #ifNotPetWhyPetShaped

forget #ephemeral when the mvp temporary tattoos have been and always will be #BIC @bic-group.bsky.social

what did we do? TAKE AN ALLERGY TEST! what did we learn? INCONCLUSIVE!

I complimented a lady's scarf and she thanked me three different times people are so kind and lovely and i need to leave my room more often so I can meet more of them

turns out in allergic to ???

I'm also refusing to make a martini with Drano.

skeeting is how to gain followers, but reskeeting is how to make friends

My ADHD enters most rooms before me, usually pulling my anxiety along for the ride.

@God love your work with whatever is going on in the deep sea. so spooky, so wild, so glad none of that shit can walk on land #ngl #mostMyPrayersSoundLike ... #likeThis #exactlyLikeThis

hey God, it's me, ya gurl, please let me survive allergy testing without any pet allergies oh and please stop all the hate crimes and food insecurity, that would be great while you're at it xoxo bestie!!