If they can make you mad they can sell an ad.

on the current trajectories of us automobile size and ai adoption, skyscraper sized sentient transforming vehicles will populate the earth by 2030

algorithmic pricing will give lower prices to some buyers who will then utilize a marketplace to offer buying as a service for a share of the savings causing prices to go up for those buyers eventually equalizing prices

every time a restaurant or doctors office texts me threatening to cancel unless I verify that I’m still coming I respond in the affirmative, wait a day, then text them asking if they’re still going to be open when I come to my appointment. If they don’t text me back, I don’t show up.

the devil is in the details and this plate of eggs

The promiscuous scientist fucks around and finds out

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing me there was a stain on my shirt and pointing at it then running his finger up my face when I looked down.

you dropped this, king (takes severed head out of the bucket at the base of the guillotine)

fun fact werewolves don't gain mass when they transform

got a bunch of trump "i did that" stickers but have to travel too far to find the corpses to stick them to

its ”consider” the source not “believe based entirely on the source”

two accounts stand guard over the logout button one of them always shitposts the other can only post politics

yeah yeah so how do you operant the air conditioning in this box

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it shrivel up, like an object under my patented shrivel ray

its sophomoric to ask the obvious questions that i gave up on being able to answer years ago

be the protest you wish to see in the world

Flintstones theme: modern stone age family from a town in history and they drive with their feet and its a gay old time yabbadabbadoo! Jetsons theme: a man and his three relatives exist, sexism.

It is 3050. Trump is alive, resurrected years ago by scientific miracle and court order, serving his sentence: ten thousand years of knowing the pathetic reality of his vile legacy. Language is now unintelligible to him but the revulsion and mockery that always accompanies his name is unmistakable.

trying to instill the spirit of anarchy in my son but he just won’t listen

rules are rules honey, i missed them missed them and now i have to kiss them

percussion track loop whispering "dont forget to take your pills"

the duality of interrelated forces of fortune and misfortune is known to eastern philosophers as the ding and dang

so sick of people thinking that complaining on the internet is political activism when they could be doing something useful like complaining on the internet about people complaining on the internet as their only form of political activism

they just promoted the guy who suggested we call product iterations smilestones

we can tell by the way you drive that you don't really care about that stick figure family on the back of your car

où ai-je mis mon cordon pour étrangler les rois

apparently only the fifth slaughterhouse is any good they dont even publish the rest any more

An adaptation of Romeo and Juliet about two roommates' arguments finally ended when one of them's Roomba runs over the other's Juul, ruining both appliances.

if the court rejects your first plea of insanity just plead insanity again expecting a different result, which perfectly meets the definition so they have to accept it

he said when the revolution comes my portrait would be the first one hung on the wall something like that

Hemingway was once bet that he couldn’t write the world’s happiest short story in just 5 words. He replied,

speech bubbles are vape clouds

The story of the first salute "Whoa hey who is that the sun's in my eyes let me see here oh its the boss" "Whoa hey I like that what you did just now must be some sort of symbol that I'm the boss do that again get everybody doing that when I come around"

somebody out there knows more than one way to skin a cat. and these people vote. let that sink in.

if the radical is free you are the radical

the only constant in this universe is that time travel is perpetually inevitably invented then later used to prevent its invention

ahh yeah here he comes, big double d, r budd dwyer himself, looks like he brought a bag of chocolates for his sweetheart, smart

so many apparently unconscious ancient things simply figured out long ago that if you never act willfully then your consciousness cannot be observed by other conscious beings and thus they can't make you pay taxes

Nietzsche oh my god I spelled it right 10000 hours really does lead to mastery

libertarian is short for libertine veterinarian

a little free library that is freakishly large, humongous, takes up an entire city block, inside is a thousand books or more plus regular sized people who dispense knowledge in exchange for tax dollars

i can always sense a person’s good nature by how much they like me

it's time we returned to the old ways of drawing speech bubbles creeping directly out of a speaker's lips

Earth is Goddess, Sun is God the Father, everything else is games their children are playing in the mud

the most inspirational people you've ever heard of are the ones who respect personal boundaries while violating those of authority and institution

It's 2050 and for over 20 years our entertainment has been almost exclusively televised trials and livestreams of prison cells for the Trump administration.

"Yeah but I didn't vote for what they did last time," he said to himself while voting, once again, for the exact same people.

Moby Dick was a reference to Mocha Dick which means Chocolate Coffee Cock which is how Herman Melville got me kicked out of both a library and a starbucks

How to be clear Step 1: start your sentence with the thing you want to say instead of "Let's be clear..."

It's 2050 and white Americans are building a time machine to go back and deport their immigrant ancestors